Can't bring myself to do anything about it

2018man

Bit of background first..

I'm an early 30's guy, good steady job with my own accommodation however my salary is low at the moment and it's a real struggle (ie have to use my credit card) which is depressing. Salary starts to get better after several years on the scale.

Work is also reasonably stressful however there is opportunities to make a very decent salary if I were to be promoted or just wait until the higher point of the salary scale which is a long time away.

I try and keep in shape but not confident in my own body yet either.

Despite all of the above, I seem to attract interest from ladies through hobbies that I have.

While I may also interested in a few of them, I can't bring myself to do anything about it due to the above mentioned issues!

And some of the ladies in question seem to eventually lose patience and move on, you can hardly blame them.

Frustrating, but seems to be a rut I can't get out of at the moment.

Anyway what girl would want to date a guy who is broke, stressed with work, and not happy with his own body??

All that being said, I reckon I can sort it out with a bit more time, but it seems a shame to be missing out on these opportunities.

Not expecting any solutions really, but it's nice to get it off my chest.

Thanks

Mr. Incognito

Hello there

Welcome to life

We are all broke, stressed with work and not happy with our bodies.

Guess what- those ladies are too. You know what they want- someone to listen to them and someone that listens to you.

Get over it buddy and grow a pair.

Neyite

How about flipping that around:

Good steady job = better than many who got shafted by the recession and can't find work and are still unemployed.

Low salary at the moment = there's future earning potential with your steady job.

Unhappy with body = It's February, chances are about 95% of us are trying not to look too closely in the mirror at the moment and it's too baltic to even consider taking up activities to improve our lumps and bumps. Even just cutting down on junk food is hard this time of year. Set a date -maybe Easter - as your turning point for that and choose your activity, get the gear you need for it and plan it.

Debt = ok, this is stressful. Can you look at ways that you can economise? Even something like the Bike to work scheme might have an initial outlay but if it cuts out your commuting costs, plus gives you some exercise it could be good. Packed lunches, homemade coffees homemade dinners, usually can save a few quid too.

Women are going to have the same fears you do - lots are broke and struggling too and usually most women want to pay their way on dates. So look at cheaper or low cost dates for both of you.

If women are getting fed up, could it be that you are giving off very negative vibes or moaning about your issues a bit too much? Not saying you are, just wondering if this is what's turning them off. You don't seem to have any issue attracting women to date you, so look for a common denominator in what's happening after those dates and why they are getting fed up to see where it's going wrong (it might not even be 'you', but could be that you are picking women who, for example, expect that a [insert your job title] is loaded and expect you to shower them with stuff but don't understand that you are at the bottom of the ladder at the moment)

2018man

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Hello there

Welcome to life

We are all broke, stressed with work and not happy with our bodies.

Guess what- those ladies are too. You know what they want- someone to listen to them and someone that listens to you.

Get over it buddy and grow a pair.

"get over it buddy". Aggressive language when you don't know the full story. Ironically while I still find women attractive the stress I've mentioned reduced my sex drive to basically zero, as well as chronic insomnia.

I need to be patient, and make small improvements every week which will hopefully add up.

2018man

Neyite wrote: »

How about flipping that around:

Good steady job = better than many who got shafted by the recession and can't find work and are still unemployed.

Low salary at the moment = there's future earning potential with your steady job.

Unhappy with body = It's February, chances are about 95% of us are trying not to look too closely in the mirror at the moment and it's too baltic to even consider taking up activities to improve our lumps and bumps. Even just cutting down on junk food is hard this time of year. Set a date -maybe Easter - as your turning point for that and choose your activity, get the gear you need for it and plan it.

Debt = ok, this is stressful. Can you look at ways that you can economise? Even something like the Bike to work scheme might have an initial outlay but if it cuts out your commuting costs, plus gives you some exercise it could be good. Packed lunches, homemade coffees homemade dinners, usually can save a few quid too.

Women are going to have the same fears you do - lots are broke and struggling too and usually most women want to pay their way on dates. So look at cheaper or low cost dates for both of you.

If women are getting fed up, could it be that you are giving off very negative vibes or moaning about your issues a bit too much? Not saying you are, just wondering if this is what's turning them off. You don't seem to have any issue attracting women to date you, so look for a common denominator in what's happening after those dates and why they are getting fed up to see where it's going wrong (it might not even be 'you', but could be that you are picking women who, for example, expect that a [insert your job title] is loaded and expect you to shower them with stuff but don't understand that you are at the bottom of the ladder at the moment)

I would prefer to be in a position where money wasn't such a big issue. I'm renting out the spare room and still broke. But as you said I can make small changes that add up.

And just to clarify, I haven't gone on the dates, they've gotten fed up waiting for me to ask them out.

Mr. Incognito

2018man wrote: »

"get over it buddy". Aggressive language when you don't know the full story. Ironically while I still find women attractive the stress I've mentioned reduced my sex drive to basically zero, as well as chronic insomnia.

I need to be patient, and make small improvements every week which will hopefully add up.

Well if you dont like the advice dont ask for it.

If you know the answer why are you asking for advice and wasting everyones time here?

You are fooling yourself if you think some small improvements are going to add up. You are making excuses for your own toxic behaviour and rationalising and excuse to allow it continue indefinetly.

Tigger99

I don't think it's toxic behaviour.

Also small improvements add up.

Op women have insecurities too, what Neyite said really makes sense.

2018man

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Well if you dont like the advice dont ask for it.

If you know the answer why are you asking for advice and wasting everyones time here?

You are fooling yourself if you think some small improvements are going to add up. You are making excuses for your own toxic behaviour and rationalising and excuse to allow it continue indefinetly.

How is it toxic behaviour, would it be better if I slept with every girl that showed an interest in me? What's to stop the girl asking me out either.

Isn't there a saying that says you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Anyway, let's enjoy the snow while we can. Thanks for your input.

Neyite

2018man wrote: »

I would prefer to be in a position where money wasn't such a big issue. I'm renting out the spare room and still broke. But as you said I can make small changes that add up.

And just to clarify, I haven't gone on the dates, they've gotten fed up waiting for me to ask them out.

Money is a huge concern for most of us, including me. There's often PI posts from women on a low income worried about paying their way on dates with guys that seem to have more disposable cash than them. It doesn't help your situation practically I know, but you are far from alone in being skint.

You know, you should ask them out, bite the bullet :P. A coffee. Or even just for a walk. I'd be more inclined to accept a date if it was for coffee over a fancy dinner. The latter seems a bit...like trying too hard to impress and put me off. After a few coffee dates, there's no reason why you couldn't progress to maybe cooking for her at home, or inviting her over for a movie night.

wiggle16

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Hello there

Welcome to life

We are all broke, stressed with work and not happy with our bodies.

Guess what- those ladies are too. You know what they want- someone to listen to them and someone that listens to you.

Get over it buddy and grow a pair.

Why bother posting if all you have to say is nasty, dismissive, throw-away clichés?

It's not even advice.

OP, if you are not happy in what you do, how you look and feel and how you get on with the opposite sex then you have to find ways to either change them or change how you feel about them. Neyite put it very well above.

Your job might not pay well now, but as you said there is room for promotion and a salary scale, so it is not a dead end job. If you like what you are doing, stick with it. If the money is crap, would taking a second, part time job be an option for you?
And if you don't like the job, and the money is crap, why not look elsewhere? Don't ever feel that you're buttoned into a job.

If you are attracting interest from women, your body isn't hindering you. The only thing you can do is keep going with getting in shape, if that's what you want. And small changes make all the difference, they're what stop you from backsliding!

I'm not sure I understand why you won't ask them out... is it that you feel they like you, but you won't ask them out because you fear they'll reject you because of your situation? If that's the case, you need to be more realistic about what most people expect - if I was going out with someone it wouldn't bother me if their job didn't pay great or they had to let out a room - they like YOU, not your earning potential. And if that's what puts them off you, they're not for you anyway. (If that's what you meant).

Bite the bullet and ask them out. None of us are getting any younger, and if you keep doing that you will look back in a few years and regret not taking the opportunities that were flirting with you, and you will wonder why you didn't.

And to answer your question: who would want to date a guy who is broke, stressed with work, and not happy with his own body? - I did, and I loved him to bits, because he didn't let those things define him and they didn't define him for me. These girls like you for you, and think they have a catch. Take the bait!

Professor Moriarty

2018man wrote: »

How is it toxic behaviour, would it be better if I slept with every girl that showed an interest in me? What's to stop the girl asking me out either.

Isn't there a saying that says you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Anyway, let's enjoy the snow while we can. Thanks for your input.

Just a couple of thoughts. 1- If a woman rejects you because you aren't rich then you've dodged a bullet. 2 - When you see a line telling you to 'grow a pair', stop reading and move on to the next post.

smokie72

When you say you have your own accomodation, do you own a house? If so have you thaught about renting out a room? I have 2 rented out and it pays the mortgage. Just a thought

tara73

is it possible to change jobs? I mean, if you are so stressed out having insomnia, renting out your spare room and still don't have enough money, I really would question if it makes sense to saty in this job.

I know Ireland's economy is really picking up, there should be a possibility to find something else?
The job has a huge impact on our life, staying there 8 hours, sometimes more.

It would be a big burden gone if you are earning more and are reasonably happy in what you're doing. And as you said, how we feel reflects on other people. If you're happy, people pick up on it and it makes you automatically more attractive.

redfox123

Can you literally not ask them out for a few drinks? I don't know, if you were really interested in one of them you'd find a way no? I myself, and I speak for a lot of friends couldn't care less about how much a guy earns, if he has a job great but it's the drive to better himself and just in general being a caring and a good person that I look for. Cliched but true. Do you care what a woman earns? Maybe you're judging what they are like by your own standards? If you don't care but look for a good person well that's what your match will look for too.