Find my hands going around the throat...

LegacyUser

Lately, I've been having these thoughts.

They don't feel bad, or like a perversion or anything - it's not like I'm ashamed of them, not really.
But - they are unlike anything I've really experienced before.

Whether they're attributable to where I'm at as a person now, or just getting older, I don't know - but like I said, it's definitely a new foray for me.

By example, I've been seeing this gal on and off the past few weeks.

Now - I want to be cautious about not making this an explicitly lewd post but, I find myself putting my hands on her, in a more forceful way than I've ever really had the impetus to do before, with her or anyone.

If I don't - I basically find myself kind of disconnecting from the situation and losing interest pretty quickly.

I've speculated in the moment, this is because - I'm just not able to get that deeply rooted connection that I'm really looking for, that would make physicality between us (or whatever partner) - transcendental? Perhaps?
And perhaps this is a way of compensating?

I haven't figured that out yet but - by example, to avoid the loss of interest, I find myself having to forcefully take control of her body in various situations - and most curiously, certainly nearing climax - my hands tend to creep around her throat.

I haven't gone to full on choking her yet.
Not to say that's an intention but - I honestly don't know where this is going.
That being said, I do take fairly full on control of her airway.

She hasn't commented on it.
We tend to connect more casually so, we don't discuss this or anything in any kind of significant depth.


The other thing: this doesn't perturb me as such, engaging in the thought process but, in the past, I've often viewed guys that endeavor in this capacity as being kind of despicable, or as being socially inept in some capacity and that in turn being expressed in the bedroom.

And I believe it's possibly relative to the throat clenching, in the sense that perhaps in some capacity I wish to - inflict a kind of sexualized pain?

But - fantasy wise - by far the overwhelming one the past while has been, rough anal sex.

Rough to the point where - I'd make her cry with pain.

Listen - I absolutely get how depraved this is - and I apologize for being so explicit.
So with that being said; rough to the point she'd cry, and then - keep going.

I haven't met anyone that's been willing to let me act out this fantasy yet but, as I've alluded to, in my, "private time" - this is really the only thing that, interests me, as it were; the thoughts and images of doing this.
And it can be quite consuming at times.


Is this just a part of getting older - perhaps a means of expressing perhaps some covert subliminal resentment toward the opposite gender?

It's certainly never how I imagined intense emotional physical contact between two partners as being, at any point before.

Just to clarify - the fantasies stop there.
Whips, gimp masks, bondage etc - never enters my head.
To be perfect honestly, it just seems kind of weak to me - not cool or appealing.
To each their own - but for myself, for clarification - I'm not thinking of adding anything "external", beyond myself and my partner.


I guess - I don't think anyone will be able to give me a definitive answer but - is this just a phase?
Is it compensating for a character deficit?

Does anyone have experience with this type of thing - either administering or receiving?
And can you talk around it?
I guess I'm just curious as to how things will unfold in the future.

Neyite

Mod:

Hi OP,

I think you need to find a specialist website for your particular niche, and you may find like minded partners to experiment safely with.
Choking in particular is something that you need to be very careful about, and if it's part of your foreplay you'll need to learn how to do it properly. It takes seconds of pressure to make a person lose conciousness and only a few more seconds before someone becomes irreversibly brain damaged or dead from choking.

As such, I'm afraid this isn't a thread I can allow to remain open.