I texted MIL about my Girlfriends personal issue behind her back and now she's mad.

ohaye87

I was in a happy relationship everything was good, planning to get engaged soon and also planning a family, my girlfriend is currently struggling with some serious personal issues and I’m trying to help, her mother send me a message the other day telling me how she was coping and we talked a bit, but my girlfriend found out she texted me and now she’s not speaking to me or her mother, this has made me very upset, I never intended to hurt her just had her best interest at heart, I suffer had from anxiety and now I’m worried she’ll dump over this�� what can I do to fix? Please advise

wiggle16

Hi OP

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Is she angry that she is being talked about, or was she angry specifically at something that one of you said in the messages? Or was she previously under impression that one of you knew more than the other about the problem?

I remember being a bit annoyed at two friends of mine before because they told me they'd been talking about a problem I was having (I'd confided in both of them), it made me uncomfortable that I was being discussed, but in the end I had a word with myself - they were talking about me because they were worried about me and wanted to help.

To be blunt, if she is simply angry you were talking about her, then she needs to get over herself. It's easy to get wrapped up in yourself if you are trying to deal with a problem and to forget that the people you turn to for help also need to be able to support one another, particularly with an ongoing issue. But it's selfish to expect people to worry in isolation, particularly if it's a serious issue.

I don't know if there's any advice I can give you, because it doesn't sound like there's anything you can do about it except wait for her to get over herself. It's her choice to behave unreasonably, which I believe she is doing based on what you've said.

Unless either you or her mother were divulging information one of you wasn't supposed to know, or something along those lines, it doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong, and your girlfriend needs to stop being so childish. She's lucky, some people have no one to turn to, let alone two.

I hope she cuts you and her mam some slack and that her issue gets resolved soon OP x

jelly&icecream

I can see your girlfriends perspective on this. I don't know the specifics of her personal problems that might necessitate you talking about her to her mother like that. In her position I'd feel like you're all talking about me behind my back. It kind of blurs the boundaries between overbearing parent and partner.

Why can't you speak to her directly yourself?

Mr. Incognito

You are your partners support not her mothers

Although it sounds like she is seriously immature.

Not someone I'd consider marrying personally.

Rebecca Gilligan

Hi OP,

I can see both sides to be honest. On one side, you and her mother were talking about her issues, not in a bad way, but perhaps to figure out what you can do for her? In her defense, if it's an issue that she's embarrassed or ashamed about, she's probably extra sensitive about it. She might feel like a child, that you and her mother were talking behind her back and not including her in the conversation. Did you tell her you were talking to her mother or did she happen to find out herself? She probably needs time to get over it. Hopefully, when she's not so angry and upset, she'll be able to see that your intentions were good.