Unplanned Pregnancy would love some advice - MOD WARNING 1st POST

AnonE

Hi,

I hope I’m posting this in the right board and don’t offend/upset anyone. I’ve just found out Monday gone that I am 5 weeks pregnant. This is completely unplanned and unexpected, I haven’t stopped crying since I found out. The father is out of the question and always will be. I’ve told two of my friends who are going to support me through this and support my decision to end the pregnancy. This I am 100% sure about. I would love more than anything to tell my Mam as I have a good relationship with her but I think she would probably be even more devastated than I am and I’m not fully sure how she would take my decision.

I have booked an appointment with BPAS following unplanned pregnancy counselling. One of my friends is going to travel with me although we have to travel there and back in the same day. Has anyone ever had a medical abortion and maybe travelled there and back to Ireland on the same day? I wonder could you give me some advice? How bad is the pain? Any help is needed and really appreciated.


Mod Note:
There will be absolutely no bashing of the OP on this thread for her choice - she's made it, so any attempts at guilt-tripping or judgement, or persuading her to change her mind will be severely dealt with by mods (thread ban, and 1 day forum ban).

Neyite

If you are 5 weeks along, it may not be a medical procedure, but tablets you take. How far along will you be when you attend the appointment?

If that's the case, I've heard of it being akin to feeling like a heavy period - similar to a miscarriage. I've had miscarriages, so I can tell you it's like a heavier period. The cramping is similar to period cramps, the bleeding may be slightly clottier than a period, and of course you may be a bit more emotional that you'd be with a period, though some of that could be normal hormones. The bleeding might take a bit longer than a period ordinarily would, and you might find your menstrual cycle takes a couple of months afterwards to settle down again.

If you are travelling back, some good over the counter pain relief should help you. I took neurofen plus- I'd have managed with paracetamol but tbh, I felt what I was going though warranted the good stuff. They might prescribe you what you need at the appointment.

In terms of practical management of the bleeding, the big sanitary towels are probably best - like the night time ones with the wings. Tampons are best avoided. Some women double up on good snug underwear to keep the pads in place. Generally as you bleed, you continue to test with pregnancy strips (you can buy cardboard ones on Ebay very cheaply) and when you have stopped bleeding and the tests turn negative, you know that you've passed all the tissue. If your tests stay positive when the bleeding has stopped, or if you have fever or feel unwell, go straight to the local maternity unit because you may have tissue remaining that needs removal or an infection - that's very rare though, but something not to be ignored.

If you are undergoing a medical procedure, rather than taking pills, I've no information on that I'm afraid, but hopefully someone will be along to fill you in on that side of things soon.

SusieBlue

I have no advice but just wanted to wish you well, take care of yourself x

Meauldsegosha

OP, I have no practical advice to give but I wanted to send you my best wishes. It's good you have friends to support you. Take care xx

eviltwin

I didn't think medical abortion was available to Irish women in the UK as the pills have to be taken over two days. I had a surgical abortion in the UK ten years ago, they wouldn't let me have the pills because I could only stay one day. Maybe it's changed but I would clarify that.

I know a few posters here have had medical abortions, I'm sure one will share their experience. I just want to wish you the very best. If you know it's the right decision for you then don't give a second thought to what anyone here will think. Thinking of you x

AnonE

Neyite wrote: »

If you are 5 weeks along, it may not be a medical procedure, but tablets you take. How far along will you be when you attend the appointment?

If that's the case, I've heard of it being akin to feeling like a heavy period - similar to a miscarriage. I've had miscarriages, so I can tell you it's like a heavier period. The cramping is similar to period cramps, the bleeding may be slightly clottier than a period, and of course you may be a bit more emotional that you'd be with a period, though some of that could be normal hormones. The bleeding might take a bit longer than a period ordinarily would, and you might find your menstrual cycle takes a couple of months afterwards to settle down again.

If you are travelling back, some good over the counter pain relief should help you. I took neurofen plus- I'd have managed with paracetamol but tbh, I felt what I was going though warranted the good stuff. They might prescribe you what you need at the appointment.

In terms of practical management of the bleeding, the big sanitary towels are probably best - like the night time ones with the wings. Tampons are best avoided. Some women double up on good snug underwear to keep the pads in place. Generally as you bleed, you continue to test with pregnancy strips (you can buy cardboard ones on Ebay very cheaply) and when you have stopped bleeding and the tests turn negative, you know that you've passed all the tissue. If your tests stay positive when the bleeding has stopped, or if you have fever or feel unwell, go straight to the local maternity unit because you may have tissue remaining that needs removal or an infection - that's very rare though, but something not to be ignored.

If you are undergoing a medical procedure, rather than taking pills, I've no information on that I'm afraid, but hopefully someone will be along to fill you in on that side of things soon.

With the place I have it booked, they call the tablet form of abortion medical abortion. I’ll be just over 7 weeks along when I attend the appointment. I’m unsure what to do if I should try change the appointment or not as I’ve looked up flights for that day to get it sorted and they’re working out over €200 because of course there’s a match on or just go with it and forget about the money. As if the whole thing wasn’t expensive enough already!

I didnt realise I could test as I was passing it, I read online I had to wait 4 weeks test as I could get a false positive if the HCG hormone isn’t out of my body yet. Thank you so much for your help I’ll definitely be stocking up on Nurofen plus, I get quite painful and heavy periods so I’ve been stocked up on all kinds of sanitary wear waiting for a period that unfortunately never came. I’m glad to hear it might be manageable for me to travel home the same day if the pain is okay, that’s the part I was most worried about. Thank you so much!

eviltwin

Wear loose clothing. A pair of tracksuit bottoms and plenty of underwear you won't mind binning. Wear a couple of pairs to keep everything secure.

It will be normal to feel a bit all over the place emotionally in the days and weeks after, it's just your homorne levels returning to normal. Do get your six week checkup, it's free from a family planning or well woman centre. They can offer you post abortion counselling too if you need it.

Be very mindful of your self care. It's difficult enough but especially with the referendum approaching you'll be hearing and reading things about women who have abortions that might trigger you. Talk, talk, talk to someone you trust. You are not alone.

No advice, just wishing you the best.

Go well.

Neyite

AnonE wrote: »

With the place I have it booked, they call the tablet form of abortion medical abortion. I’ll be just over 7 weeks along when I attend the appointment. I’m unsure what to do if I should try change the appointment or not as I’ve looked up flights for that day to get it sorted and they’re working out over €200 because of course there’s a match on or just go with it and forget about the money. As if the whole thing wasn’t expensive enough already!

I didnt realise I could test as I was passing it, I read online I had to wait 4 weeks test as I could get a false positive if the HCG hormone isn’t out of my body yet. Thank you so much for your help I’ll definitely be stocking up on Nurofen plus, I get quite painful and heavy periods so I’ve been stocked up on all kinds of sanitary wear waiting for a period that unfortunately never came. I’m glad to hear it might be manageable for me to travel home the same day if the pain is okay, that’s the part I was most worried about. Thank you so much!

These are the kind of tests that I used - you can get 30 for about 3 quid.

In my experience, my tests turned negative after about 7 days from the first bleeding then the GP gave me a blood test to confirm the negative. I'm not sure if the pills you are given gives you false positives (some hormonal meds can do that) but certainly it's something that you could ask the medics when you are there. It's worth getting a notebook and jotting down any questions you might have to ask on the day so you remember them.

If your friend is with you, ask her to take the notepad and jot down any important stuff you might need to know for after care. It can be hard to concentrate on remembering everything from a consult, and particularly a difficult one like this.

All the best.

Frazer600

No advice only to be kind to yourself and take or seek all the support you need. Take care xx

Mr. Incognito

Hi there.

I've been with an ex. We flew to Manchester. We had to go to Marie Stopes in Belfast for the scan before travelling. We flew early and back. If you are in Dublin Aircoach to the Airport and back. I'd advise a bus into town but a taxi back to the airport as you can be a bit drowsy from the drugs. They keep you in observation for a while so tell your support to bring a good book as it could be several hours in a waiting room which is basically a small doctors office. Tell them to grab some sterling / food while they wait because it will honestly be a good few hours.

She was able to travel the same day but was really tired.

We noticed about three other couples on the flight there and back going through the same procedure. It really is frighteningly common.

Best of luck with it. x

Jenneke87

As someone who unfortunately had to have multiple abortions I'd advise the following:

Plan your trip to precision, the last thing you need is more stress.

Take someone with you of course, you'll be emotional after the procedure and you don't want to be alone. If possible, let someone stay overnight with you.

The pain isn't too bad but I noticed I had difficulty lifting heavy items, and doing certain household chores such as vacuuming. It may come in handy to have someone help you in the first 48 hours.

You will be emotional and confused after the procedure, this is completely normal. Don't try to suppress it and talk to somebody if you need to. 

There will be some bleeding afterwards, mine were quite heavy so I would advise pads and comfortable garment and use pain relief if you need it.

If at any point before the procedure you become emotional, confused, scared or feel like you want to change your mind please talk to the staff. This is completely normal and they understand what you're going through.

Even a " wanted" abortion is still a very emotional procedure, take it easy in the days after and do whatever feels good to you to stay comfortable. <mod snip> but whatever you've been through, I've been through it three times <mod snip>

Take care in the times to come.

Love, J

votecounts

No real advice, but the quicker we repeal the eighth the better means women such as yourself don't have to the UK for this medical procedure.
Take care as well

WIZWEB

Do what you need to do for you OP. It's your body and your life so your choice

MissShihTzu

Nothing to add, but my own very best wishes for a safe journey and hope you recover well.

I wish only good things for you from now on. Take care of the most precious thing in the world - YOU!

RhubarbCrumble

It's not something I've been through myself OP, so I can't offer you any personal experience, but I just want to wish you all the best and I'm really glad that you have somebody to go with you and look after you. Take care of yourself x

Neyite

Mod:

Can I remind folk not to get into pm discussions or offer them please. It's against the charter to protect the vulnerable - be that a person who starts the thread or someone offering to talk.

If posters want to share their experiences privately with the OP, you can do this anonymously by logging out of you user profile and posting unregistered.

david75

Look after yourself OP and keep your friends and family in the loop. Hope you get all the support and care you need. All the best!

Hi OP, i travelled with a friend to the north of England, it was maybe 7 / 8 years ago.
She booked direct with the clinic & got the tablet.
We went straight there from the airport. She said although she wasn't 'put out' she couldn't remember anything after taking the tablet. Anyway, she was a few hours there. Afterwards she was really really tired & said it felt like a bad heavy period, uncomfortable & a bit crampy.
We flew home that evening.
She wasn't able to do much after, didn't really even feel hungry.
She just wanted to get home.
I didn't go through it myself but looking at her, i would advise a few days off afterwards, Just to get over it. & as someone has said, very comfortable clothes & big sanitary towels.

Best of luck.

Oh, & the taxi driver was so nice when he realised where we were going, really nice to us. It actually helped her feel a little better to get sympathy from a stranger like that.

.......

This post has been deleted.

Jen Pigs Fly

Wishing you the very best of luck - unfortunately I cannot offer any advice.

shesty

I hope you can tell your mam soon OP, either before or after.
As a mother I'd want to know if my daughter was going through this, no matter my opinion.Don't under-estimate her capacity to put her opinions aside and give you the love and support you will need.

AnonE

shesty wrote: »

I hope you can tell your mam soon OP, either before or after.
As a mother I'd want to know if my daughter was going through this, no matter my opinion.Don't under-estimate her capacity to put her opinions aside and give you the love and support you will need.

Thanks so much that’s a good way of looking at it, I needed to hear that!

neonsofa

No advice to offer really. Without knowing the relationship you have with your mother it's hard to know what is best in that regard but you know her best so you know deep down what is the right thing for you to do.
Just wanted to wish you well. Look after yourself xxx

Idle Passerby

Don't worry too much, lean on your friends and don't be afraid to ask for help. Best of luck.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I've not been through it myself OP but just wanted to add to the support, mind yourself both before and after. If I were you I'd be unfollowing and tuning out of all of the debate over the next few months. Do avail of counselling if you feel you need it, and there's no statute of limitations on that either. If you're fine immediately afterwards and then six months, a year, five years you're not, that's fine, there is still help available and you deserve it.

Regarding telling your mother, my sister had an abortion in her teens and was terrified to tell our parents she was pregnant and what choice she'd made, literally terrified thinking she'd be kicked out etc. In the event, they were completely supportive. The sheer stress and terror of the situation as well as the hormonal chaos meant she wasn't thinking clearly. People can react better than you'd think.

That said, given the whole stress of having to travel, the financial cost and so on, you don't need to take on anyone else's pain right now. Obviously you know your mother the best and you'll know best what to do, but maybe it would be easier to tell her when you've had a chance to process and heal slightly.

I sincerely hope that not too many more Irish women are going to have to go through this. I wish it wasn't happening to you.

Take care of yourself xx

amdublin

I am sorry that I have no practical advice to offer you. On an emotional level, look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I agree with another poster about tuning out of the debate from now until the referendum- it's at a wider level, And you are making a decision for yourself and your life and body alone right now. Get any support you need and can - friends, family and gp. Best wishes and good luck

Katgurl

Yes I've travelled back that same evening but went over the night before.

Physically I was fine.

Emotionally it was extremely extremly painful. I am not saying this to try and change your mind. I am just giving you the truth and I will also say that friends of mine have not found it particularly distressing at all.

If you are telling your mum then make it clear you need her support not judgement.

I wish you the very best.

dmm82

I have no advice to offer either but just wanted to say be nice to yourself over the coming weeks. You're in a horrible situation but you will get through this x

Tokyo

Mod: noel100 - as stated in the opening post, the OP has already made her decision. This is not the thread to try and convince her otherwise. Please don't post in this thread again.

amdublin

I'm thinking of something practical. If you need to keep testing for pregnancy and haven't got the stripa: dealz do cheap pregnancy test. Tescos have cheap ones too, And maybe boots have an own brand. I.e. to not be spending on clear blue etc

shesty

AnonE wrote: »

Thanks so much that’s a good way of looking at it, I needed to hear that!

Well it's true, I have two small daughters and I would hope they could feel they could tell me something as big as this if it ever came to it.

My own parents would have quite strong views on things like pregnancy outside marraige etc, but always said they hoped we would never be afraid to tell them anything anyway...especially as we got older....and since I've had my kids, I really understand where they were coming from.

Your post made me cry a bit. Sometimes you just need your mum.