My friend is mad I'm missing her hen party due clash with family holiday

tupenny

A friend of mine is having a hen party in june. Its a weekend thing in Newcastle.
I've booked a holiday with the family for the same time so I said I'd not be at the weekend. Now this friend is not speaking to me whilst bad mouthing me to others.
Am I awful for not going a hens?
I'm looking at it as memories with the kids v a piss up. The guilt and bad feeling is horrendous though.
I never had or will have a hen or the likes if thats relevant

Tom Mann Centuria

Get a new friend.

Meauldsegosha

You've nothing too feel bad or guilty about. Your friend should be ashamed of themself. It's ridiculous behaviour not speaking and bad mouthing you.

woodchuck

No, you're not awful for not going.

And she's not a real friend if she's ignoring you and bad mouthing you to others because of this!! I'm sure others will see her true colours shining through though and I wouldn't be surprised if she gets a few more cancellations...

Paddy Cow

I see she has turned into a Bridezilla already. Some women become obsessed with their weddings and everything to do with it and think that everyone else should stop whatever is going on in their own lives and cater to their every whim. A weekend away in another country is very expensive and not everyone can afford it or may have other plans. Any normal bride would understand that not everyone is going to be able to make it. If your "friend" has got the hump and is bad mouthing you then she is no friend.

wijam

From a male perspective I agree with all of the above, you've done nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your friend is not being very friendly.

Over the last few years I've missed 4 stags and 1 wedding due to other things going on in my life, including holidays booked before the stag was booked, and all of the grooms / couples understood why I could not make it, and that includes missing out on a stag when I was groomsman at the wedding.

If any groom decided to be like that for me missing out on a stag, I'd not be going to the wedding.

Ghekko

I've missed hens due to work, having small kids and feck all money and at no time did the brides shun me. Your 'friend' is being a self centred diva. Your family come first. Forget about it now. If anyone has the cheek to question you about it tell them your holiday was already booked. And steer clear of the bride for a while as she's bound to be a complete bridezilla in the lead up to the wedding. Enjoy your hols!

tupenny

Thanks everyone, great to get outsider's perspective.
Got a few comments over the weekend "omg are you not going to the hen weekend" etc, so was starting to think I was in the wrong. Reassuring to see you all dont think so. Thanks again
(Excuse typo in thread title!)

Ursus Horribilis

If your friend behaves like this over a hen weekend, just wait until the wedding invitations go out and not everybody can come to her special day...

tupenny

Been thinking about that U.H and tbh I'd be grateful not to get an invite now. Perhaps because I'd be an "elope and party at home after" type bride and just finding the whole thing OTT . Again thanks for the opions (opinions 😁)

Zipppy

I was all set to be invited to a friend's wedding a few years back..
I was invited to the stag weekend but didn't go cos I had an important job interview on the Tuesday following...
Never got an invite to wedding as a result...
People get very weird over wedding stuff...
OP do what make a YOU happy!!!

tupenny

Cheers zippy. Pathetically this is still bothering me. Stupid group texts and I'm being ignored by all bar 1 or 2. Love to "leave" the group but don't want it to seem like I give a ****. Ffs. This is people 28yrs+ .. i think the first poster had it right; get a new friend(s) . I do have other groups of friends so prob should throw in the towel here

zoobizoo

Male here.

Have never gone on a foreign stag.... Would not spend the money on a weekend or would not enjoy.

Friends of mine couldn't make my stag or wedding and all I felt was disappointment that they could not be there...... Not anger

Paddy Cow

tupenny wrote: »

Thanks everyone, great to get outsider's perspective.
Got a few comments over the weekend "omg are you not going to the hen weekend" etc, so was starting to think I was in the wrong. Reassuring to see you all dont think so. Thanks again
(Excuse typo in thread title!)

Did you make it clear to them that you had prior commitments? If so, they should understand and not make you feel bad about it.

tupenny

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Did you make it clear to them that you had prior commitments? If so, they should understand and not make you feel bad about it.

As soon as weekend in question was referred to I made it clear it was a non runner for me. Thanks for your reply , appreciate it

valoren

OP, look at the positives. Your friend has shown you who she really is. You don't have to waste money on a piss up and get to spend it with family instead. And you also get the added bonus of spending the money you would be giving this clown as a wedding gift on your famiyl instead. Go for a nice family meal and day out as a family with that cash instead.

Salthillprom

What a mean friend! She sounds like a bridezilla. Enjoy your holiday and don’t pay heed to her. She obviously has a lot of insecurities and anger issues, none of which you can control.

Neyite

Mod:

I've updated your thread title OP, you might get more tailored replies that way

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

shesty

Ah stupid friend.Presume she realises that she still gets up the day after the wedding and life continues as normal?
Try not to worry too much about it OP, you aren't in the wrong.Maybe spending less time with that particular friend is a good idea though.

kylith

tupenny wrote: »

Cheers zippy. Pathetically this is still bothering me. Stupid group texts and I'm being ignored by all bar 1 or 2. Love to "leave" the group but don't want it to seem like I give a ****. Ffs. This is people 28yrs+ .. i think the first poster had it right; get a new friend(s) . I do have other groups of friends so prob should throw in the towel here

If I were you I'd send a message to the group saying something along the lines of "As you know I unfortunately can't go to the Hen as I had already booked my family holiday for that weekend, so I'm going to leave this group now. Hope ye all have a lovely time!" Then I'd wash my hands of the lot of them.

MissShihTzu

I hate hen parties with a vengeance! I didn't have one when I got married, and am so glad of that. Why is it the 'W' word brings out the worst in people? Honestly, people really do lose all perspective.

I feel sorry for the poor husband to be - If this is how she carries on before the wedding, imagine what she'll be like after?

I wouldn't message the group - just block all and move on! You've said your piece.

justfillmein

tupenny wrote: »

Perhaps because I'd be an "elope and party at home after" type bride

this would definitely be me too.

weddings can be so expensive for the quests.
I'd be the type to have my special day, but with very little cost to anyone i've invited.
everybody has priorities, without feeling pressured into spending 100's+ on a day that I had planned.

LegacyUser

OP you are totally within your rights to say no if you prefer to go on your family hols.
Your friend is in the wrong.

But the posters who are saying "get a new friend" are giving bad advice. There is a notion on boards that we all behave correct all time and can handle upset with good grace.

The reality is that it's not the case.

She may be upset or feel let down. Her feelings are real to her. It may be a shock to her and she is acting out of character. I'm not excusing it but trying to explain it.

You know your friend - boards doesn't and advice on an internet forum is cheap .
Go talk to your friend.
Assuming you were a good friend, being invited to the hen ....Don't lose a friend over something stupid like a hen night (or advise off a stranger).

Sephiroth_dude

Family come first, if the roles were reversed you can be sure she'd do the same, tbh I'd be cutting her loose if she's saying nasty stuff about you and telling her to shove her wedding invitation.

jimd2

tupenny wrote: »

A friend of mine is having a hen party in june. Its a weekend thing in Newcastle.
I've booked a holiday with the family for the same time so I said I'd not be at the weekend. Now this friend is not speaking to me whilst bad mouthing me to others.
Am I awful for not going a hens?
I'm looking at it as memories with the kids v a piss up. The guilt and bad feeling is horrendous though.
I never had or will have a hen or the likes if thats relevant

Do you think you will now not be invited to the wedding?

tupenny

Well a slight update. Tried call her yesterday , she didn't answer. So i text suggesting we meet for lunch and a chat today. Shes busy..
Anyway, she then sent essays over how shocked she is and how we must have different values. I agreed we must. I'm done, can't even reason with her

Wanderer78

tupenny wrote:

Well a slight update. Tried call her yesterday , she didn't answer. So i text suggesting we meet for lunch and a chat today. Shes busy.. Anyway, she then sent essays over how shocked she is and how we must have different values. I agreed we must. I'm done, can't even reason with her

Wow, and she's getting married! That's pretty scary stuff, enjoy your holiday

thalia_13

tupenny wrote: »

Well a slight update. Tried call her yesterday , she didn't answer. So i text suggesting we meet for lunch and a chat today. Shes busy..
Anyway, she then sent essays over how shocked she is and how we must have different values. I agreed we must. I'm done, can't even reason with her

You will never rationalise with her. Cut her loose. At least you are now saved the expenses associated with the wedding too. To be honest, everyone who knows she's throwing a strop that you can't attend the hen also will know her cutting you from the wedding for that is ridiculous.. Remember she's the one ending a friendship because of one night you can't go drinking with her. She's the irrational one, a bridezilla of huge proportions.

A2LUE42

tupenny wrote:

Well a slight update. Tried call her yesterday , she didn't answer. So i text suggesting we meet for lunch and a chat today. Shes busy.. Anyway, she then sent essays over how shocked she is and how we must have different values. I agreed we must. I'm done, can't even reason with her

Well she is right about one thing, ye must have different values. She needs to cop on and grow up.

ennis81

You had your holiday booked before the hen weekend date was announced, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, you have tried (you're obviously a nice person) to make amends and she continues to act like a child. To be honest from what you have written it sounds like it would be the hen party from Hell lol, ALL ME ME ME all weekend:rolleyes: you have dodged a bullet

Doctors room ghost

Don’t be worrying your head with the hag.god help her future husband is all I can say.what a load of sh1te.
Go off and enjoy your holiday and enjoy spending the money on yourself and family instead of that false plastic friend.and them other girls in the group won’t be long figuring out how she’s a selfish sneaky b1tch but don’t worry about that you leave them to it.just consider yourself blessed that you now know she’s a b1tch and steer clear.money saved,a lot of time spared, and lessons learned.

homerjay2005

tupenny wrote: »

As soon as weekend in question was referred to I made it clear it was a non runner for me. Thanks for your reply , appreciate it

had you already booked your holiday at that stage?

MissShihTzu

homerjay2005 wrote: »

had you already booked your holiday at that stage?

I don't think that matters. Family comes first. Bridezilla should know that. She apparently doesn't, so that's on her. Not the OP.

Big Bag of Chips

What was your friendship like before this? Because honestly it sounds like a huge overreaction on her part and almost like she was looking for an excuse to end the friendship. There will be others who cannot/don't want to attend her day(s) for various reasons. Is she going to treat them all like this?

I doubt it.

Heres Johnny

I have pulled out of a few stags and even more weddings for the simple reason I don't want to go. Never fell out with anyone over it, and many were good friends and cousins.
I just say I've something on and that's it.
I'll be declining an invitation to my best work friends wedding this year too, just politely decline and say I've a weekend booked away or a clash with another wedding.
Nothing to fall out over.

Colonel_McCoy

Family first. Its a simple as that

Ursus Horribilis

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What was your friendship like before this? Because honestly it sounds like a huge overreaction on her part and almost like she was looking for an excuse to end the friendship.

I'd wondered something along the same lines. How well did you know her before this and what sort of friendship did you have? Had you ever seen signs of this nastiness/insecurity/selfishness in the past? It just seems a bit surprising that this just came out of nowhere. Anyway it's all academic now. At least you haven't wasted your time and money going on that hen weekend and to her wedding.

homerjay2005

MissShihTzu wrote: »

I don't think that matters. Family comes first. Bridezilla should know that. She apparently doesn't, so that's on her. Not the OP.

in theory it doesnt matter, but its also critical in showing that bridezilla is indeed, 100% wrong.