Erectile dysfunction at 20

Johnstoeness

Hi,

I'm male, 20 years old, in college and I've recently started seeing a girl sexually for the first time. The issue is, as the title suggests, that I'm struggling to become erect when trying to have sex.

I do feel attracted to the girl but as soon as we're naked and trying to have sex, nothing happens. I've no idea what to do. I haven't really discussed this with her as it's a sensitive and embarrassing issue for me.

I'm young, in decent shape physically (not overweight, average height for a male), exercise roughly 3 times a week (running, gaelic), my diet is mainly chicken, some red meat, rice, vegetables, fruits, some chocolate, porridge for breakfast etc so I don't think that's the issue. I don't smoke and I've consumed alcohol only once this year. As you can see, I'm a bit lost as to why this is happening.

I would be a bit nervous/tense when trying to have sex, and I'm afraid the whole ED might become a but of a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm not sure what to do. I've done some reading and there are some exercise you can do to improve the issue but I'm not sure how much that will work.

Any advice would be great - Thank you!

Malayalam

There's a great myth going around, that everyone is automatically an awesome, learned, high-powered, sensual maestro from the get-go and that it comes on like a switch, no feelings involved. My take is that along with bodily lust and autonomic function there are feelings involved - shyness, tenderness, uncertainty, hope, awe, and so on. Respect, affection, love even. Imagine! Maybe you just need more time to get comfortable, more time to forget yourself? To get out of your mind and into your body. More time to play with your partner. To find out what she likes - because, believe me, there are plenty of ways of pleasing a woman besides intercourse. Checking out some of those ways would take your mind off yourself. Try to think less about you and more about her and you both together. And if you do come prematurely, so what? It's really not a big deal at all - well, as long as you don't pass out snoring immediately At your age you will recover pretty fast. And be all the better for it! If a girl would mock or judge a guy for that, it would be a low thing to do, and a poor reflection of them not you. Coming too soon is a normal part of early sexual experience.
Edit - I reread and see you didn't mention that -lol- don't know how I interpreted it. Heh, take it as extra advice

Try get a bit more comfortable for a while, less pressure on your willy to perform, more sensual relaxation, and FUN! (laughter and a good sense of humour is important regarding sex!) - and if after a good try of that nothing is still happening, then have a chat with your doctor. They have seen hundreds of examples of erection problems and will be helpful.

Good luck!

zoobizoo

Be honest with her.

"hey I'm always a bit nervous the first time I sleep with someone / I'm not very experienced"

Airing it will defuse it.

WIZWEB

If you can manage and maintain an erection on your own then it's psychological. That's good news so most likely just nerves, inexperience etc. Displace the pressure through just spending time together without the expectation to go all the way. Lots of foreplay and take it from there when you both feel comfortable enough. Careful if alcohol etc involved as these can negatively affect performance for some.

If issues are regular or ongoing then see a doc and you'll most likely be prescribed various pills that can help. Viagra etc or referred to a counsellor or tests. You still need to be attracted to the person you're with though for the pills to work.

Being twenty was a long time ago for me. I remember the panic well though and assumptions that everyone was doing it often and much better than me! Doesn't help when we stress ourselves out. I didn't alway get it up for a girl but realising and coming to terms that I was gay mostly fixed that issue! At least straight lads don't have the extra stressor of size comparison. Anyway I've seen a few willies over the years. Big and small, wide and skinny ones. Point being none of that mattered if I liked the bloke. This girl obviously likes you so if that's a worry try stop it.