Have you ever fallen out of love with somebody?

DEFTLEFTHAND

I fell head over heels with a girl in 2009, we hooked up and had a vigorous sex life which unexpectedly produced our 6 year old son.



These days I can't stand the sight of her, she's always mouthing and moaning. She's still a good looking girl at 30 but I realised recently that I don't really love her anymore.


The best thing we ever did was having our boy, we never did and will never marry but I want to stick with her till our son matures.


This is the only social media platform that I can express these feelings on without being copped.

Fr_Dougal

Must have been some sex to produce a 6 year old.

Koala Sunshine

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I fell head over heels with a girl in 2009, we hooked up and had a vigorous sex life which unexpectedly produced our 6 year old son.



These days I can't stand the sight of her, she's always mouthing and moaning. She's still a good looking girl at 30 but I realised recently that I don't really love her anymore.


The best thing we ever did was having our boy, we never did and will never marry but I want to stick with her till our son matures.


This is the only social media platform that I can express these feelings on without being copped.

I would say that's the norm, the spark fades and you behave more and more like brother and sister as time passes.

McMurphy

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

I would say that's the norm, the spark fades and you behave more and more like brother and sister as time passes.

Dunno about that now.....

I've been with the missus for almost 15 years.

If I start to view her as my sister, I think I'll go travelling or something.

Don't let the spark fade. Keep i the sex life interesting.

Never go to bed on an argument.

As for the question in the OP - of course all of my exes.

Fr_Dougal

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

I would say that's the norm, the spark fades and you behave more and more like brother and sister as time passes.

A Hazard of choosing the wrong partner.

Debtocracy

You’ve hedonically adapted to your wife and she can no longer stimulate your reward circuitry. She was always mouthy and nagging but this just came across as a sexy bitch when you were attracted to her.

I suggest you compensate on looks and go for personality for future marriages. Looks are a depreciating asset like a car, personality is a stable commodity like aluminium.

Barry Badrinath

I was madly in love with a tree once but I fell out of it.

So, I packed my trunk and leafed. I still feel like a sap for sticking around so long.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

I would say that's the norm, the spark fades and you behave more and more like brother and sister as time passes.

I wouldn't say it's the norm. Many couples remain deeply in love for decades and that love only grows stronger over the years. Of course people fall out of love but usually they split up; they most certainly don't go through the rest of their lives together like brother and sister, if that loving bond is gone. I've seen couples stay together 'for the sake of the children' and others who have gone their separate ways. The former usually ended up bitter and resentful towards each other and the children don't seem to have benefitted any better than those of the separated parents.
But, every situation is different. No one solution suits everybody.

I would imagine that most people have fallen out if love with somebody at sometime in their lives. Love can be ephemeral or everlasting. Even what love is can be elusive and many varied.

minikin

Have you considered that couples counselling might improve things?
Might allow you both to clear the air.
Do it for yourself, do it for your partner, do it for your son.

You’ve 13,000 posts, maybe spend less time on boards?

DEFTLEFTHAND

Debtocracy wrote: »

You’ve hedonically adapted to your wife and she can no longer stimulate your reward circuitry. She was always mouthy and nagging but this just came across as a sexy bitch when you were attracted to her.

I suggest you compensate on looks and go for personality for future marriages. Looks are a depreciating asset like a car, personality is a stable commodity like aluminium.

No see we were always close in thinking , matched, we were cut from the same cloth. This more than her looks attracted me to her.


It's just she has a big ugly mouth on her . A bossy boots and a snake.


Her friends have confifed in me what's she like.


They did a girls trip to Marbella last year which ended in tears.

bodice ripper

Nope. If I ever loved someone I still love them. It's bittersweet.

Gunslinger92

Yup, although I don't know was it ever love at all. I was mad about him sure but I was literally a child when we got together so what the hell did I know about love? Zilch, that's what.
Ended things when I was a few months into the real world and it was the best thing I ever ever did.

pleas advice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51OB2YoC4sg

dr.fuzzenstein

Find the right jump off point OP.
I left my ex after nearly 25 years and I realised I threw 10 years of my life away that I will never get back. That is a harsh lesson, because sticking it out for whatever reason is never worth it in the end.

Jawgap

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

Find the right jump off point OP.
I left my ex after nearly 25 years and I realised I threw 10 years of my life away that I will never get back. That is a harsh lesson, because sticking it out for whatever reason is never worth it in the end.

Would generally agree - I baled after 12 years and a couple of kids.......

Best decision ever!! Even if things were a bit rough for a couple of years.

Being a good Dad doesn't require you to be someone's partner/spouse.

EDIT: Consider trying relaitonship counselling - didn't work for me because I'd already made up my mind I was going, but you might find it useful.

Donald Trump

Many times.

I usually find I fall out of live with them at the point of ejaculation


Up to that, I was mad about them

Ah OP I'm the last one to advise about walking away from a relationship but you say your partner has an ugly mouth and is a snake. That's a fairly damning opinion to have, I mean I wouldn't want to be around someone who I thought so little of. Lookit it's just sad is all. You're young and life is short.

Usually for me it's been the men falling out of love and me foolishly holding on. Stupid hope. Once though I did fall out of love. Or at least at the time that's what it felt like. He definitely did. Time passed and we became close again but with never any intention of getting back together. Funny thing is I miss him and think about him often. In fact I wish he was sitting with me right now.

Cheerful Spring

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I fell head over heels with a girl in 2009, we hooked up and had a vigorous sex life which unexpectedly produced our 6 year old son.



These days I can't stand the sight of her, she's always mouthing and moaning. She's still a good looking girl at 30 but I realised recently that I don't really love her anymore.


The best thing we ever did was having our boy, we never did and will never marry but I want to stick with her till our son matures.


This is the only social media platform that I can express these feelings on without being copped.

I think it silly staying with someone you don't want to be with it. Nothing stopping you being a Single parent father, a lot of men do it. You should be out trying to meet someone new and let her do her out thing a meet someone else.

justfillmein

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

Find the right jump off point OP.
I left my ex after nearly 25 years and I realised I threw 10 years of my life away that I will never get back. That is a harsh lesson, because sticking it out for whatever reason is never worth it in the end.

that's just upon reflection though.

you can see how many years/months were wasted when/if you actually finish with each other.
everybody(well most) will try and fix things and see if the relationship can survive.
it's worth a shot.

although, I wouldn't necessarily look back at that time as wasted time.
I think it's worth trying to hold a relationship together.
it's only when you feel you have tried everything, and you have really had enough, then that is the right time to walk away.

suicide_circus

bodice ripper wrote: »

Nope. If I ever loved someone I still love them. It's bittersweet.

Would you say you love them long time?

r93kaey5p2izun

No. I've never been in love. I wouldn't recommend staying together for the child. I was that child and it brings no benefits. The child will know you have such a negative opinion of his mother. It's toxic to live with.

7 Seconds...

Yes once and then with myself, so technically twice. Staying in a relationship your not happy in can do more damage in the long run, so sometimes its better to walk away. This is your relationship and only you can decide whether its worth staying or not. Hope you make the right choice.

Koala Sunshine

People seem to be assuming if you aren't in love with your partner you can't be happy. If I fell out of love with mine and had to stay in the relationship I'd still be happy. I simply love life, I still get to breath air, talk to people, taste food, have adventures etc.

justfillmein

OP maybe just tell the gf that her mouthiness is making you seriously consider your relationship with her.
maybe she will realize that she needs to make some changes.
if she is willing to put her family on the line to continue being a mouth piece, then leave her too it and move on.

she could also be a little bit unhappy at the minute herself.
maybe in the relationship even?
have a talk with her and tell her things are at a serious point now, and you need it sorted.

I hope it's just a little hiccup, and that you will be able to sort things.
good luck with it:)

riffmongous

It's easy to say just leave her but it's not so straightforward with the kid there, if she's really a bossy and a snake then it could get unpleasant for the child and OP

LadyMacBeth_

I don't envy you OP, not an easy situation to be in. I don't think it's ever easy to walk away from a long term relationship, especially when you have a child together. I think you know yourself deep down if you can repair the damage and go to counselling or if you are done. If it's the latter then you're better off walking away.

I fell madly in love at the age of 16 and we were together until I turned twenty. About six months before we broke up I started to realise that I didn't love him anymore and I tried to break up with him a couple of times but I couldn't go through with it, finally I had the guts and did it. That was 9 years ago. He messaged me recently to tell me that he's still in love with me and always will be. I really didn't know what to say because I moved on and got married. Well he's engaged himself and has a child with his fiancee. I guess I just feel bad for him that he feels like he's still in love after all of these years, that can't be easy.

donegaLroad

Space and independence is important in a relationship.

Pherekydes

Fell out of love with my first wife fairly quickly after I found out she was having an affair with someone.

Yer Da sells Avon

"We wanted different things from life. I wanted to travel, see the world and broaden my horizons. She wanted to be a bossy boots and a snake, with a big fat mouth on her."

I've never fallen out of love with anyone - at least not until (long) after they fell out of love with me anyway, so I've never had to initiate an "it's not me, it's fuckin' you" conversation. Do you reckon your son ever notices that you can't stand the sight of her? Even if you think he doesn't, there's a good chance that he does. Children can pick up on the most subtle little hints. You might think you're doing him a favour by staying together until he's older, but I don't know...

Purple Mountain

Maybe post over in PI for some specific advice?

andekwarhola

I think most people have.

Same as the OP, I was once in love with a woman in my 20s and found her incredibly attractive but the attraction was whittled away (not even gradually: it took about 5 months) by her views and personality. I distinctly remember sitting at a table with her and her sisters listening to them trashing people and for the first time ever in my love life thinking, fancying somebody simply isn't enough and it was a lesson I absorbed from that time forward.

Thankfully it was easy to walk away (as I did that night) as there was no commitment or kids involved.

muppetshow1451

Nope you cant hide being a beached whale with make up,you need a treadmill for that

Donald Trump

OP

Me love you long time

Wanderer78

Donald Trump wrote:

Me love you long time

too beaucoup

Donald Trump

Wanderer78 wrote: »

too beaucoup

Me massive hands you mean?

professore

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

I would say that's the norm, the spark fades and you behave more and more like brother and sister as time passes.

That may be true for some.

King of Kings

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

No see we were always close in thinking , matched, we were cut from the same cloth. This more than her looks attracted me to her.


It's just she has a big ugly mouth on her . A bossy boots and a snake.


Her friends have confifed in me what's she like.


They did a girls trip to Marbella last year which ended in tears.

sounds like my ex.

I bailed after 10 months of marriage took a fierce amount of grief from older and wiser family members on both sides.

over a decade later I'm married to another lady and thank my lucky stars I was pig headed enough to walk. I'd some fun years between the two as well.

Unless you are riding something on the side OP - I think you are better served leaving.

Your kid will probably thank you cos they pick up on stuff
plus you owe it to yourself to live a nice life.

You will be a better parent being a happier parent - so if you aren't going to fix it or she isn't willing to be nicer then you need to think about what you want.


Although I find snakes never change even if they want too , something in their DNA

professore

I never really had that problem as for some reason people reveal their true selves to me early on, or maybe I'm not blinded by a hot body and good sex as many men seem to be

I think I come across as a "nice guy" who will put up with anything - when in fact I was nice but have self respect too and then they were always surprised when I would dump them.

So now my wife is either a genuine good person or the best faker on the planet.

professore

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

I don't envy you OP, not an easy situation to be in. I don't think it's ever easy to walk away from a long term relationship, especially when you have a child together. I think you know yourself deep down if you can repair the damage and go to counselling or if you are done. If it's the latter then you're better off walking away.

I fell madly in love at the age of 16 and we were together until I turned twenty. About six months before we broke up I started to realise that I didn't love him anymore and I tried to break up with him a couple of times but I couldn't go through with it, finally I had the guts and did it. That was 9 years ago. He messaged me recently to tell me that he's still in love with me and always will be. I really didn't know what to say because I moved on and got married. Well he's engaged himself and has a child with his fiancee. I guess I just feel bad for him that he feels like he's still in love after all of these years, that can't be easy.

He's engaged and professing his love to you, a married woman? What a dick.Lucky escape there!

sparksfly

Her friends have confifed in me  what's she like.


They did a girls trip to Marbella last year which ended in tears.

This amount of detail might get you "copped".

splinter65

Don’t make any desicions now OP. Relationships go through different stages. People change and can change again and again. Don’t rush into anything unless you think it’s going to have a detrimental effect on you or your child.
She might be finding life very difficult right now and that’s what making her so awful to be around.
Can you just ask her tonight in bed if everything’s ok? Give her a chance to tell you what’s going on. Maybe nothing is, but give her a chance to open up.

Wombatman

Love means different things to different people. You shouldn't be living with a person you detest. Based on what you are saying you should get out. It will be better for you and MAY be better for your partner and kid. Staying will be hell for you and MAY be better for your partner and kid.

I find the way you describe your partner unsettling and kinda childish. I would like to hear the other side of the story here although it has little bearing on your question.

What do you \ don't you do to make her nag you with her big ugly mouth?

What kind of sentences come out of the big ugly mouth?

Give examples of serpent like behaviour?

Do you argue much in front of the kid?

Do you still sleep with \ have sex with snake woman?

Have you ever cheated on her with another sexy body?

Hector Bellend

Johnny Dogs wrote: »

Dunno about that now.....

I've been with the missus for almost 15 years.

If I start to view her as my sister, I think I'll go travelling or something.

Don't let the spark fade. Keep i the sex life interesting.

Never go to bed on an argument.

As for the question in the OP - of course all of my exes.

Do. You can both take out your frustration during a good ride

justfillmein

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Do. You can both take out your frustration during a good ride

my kinda relationship:cool:

bodice ripper

suicide_circus wrote:

Would you say you love them long time?

Pfft. Of course. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing for hours...

dr.fuzzenstein

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

People seem to be assuming if you aren't in love with your partner you can't be happy. If I fell out of love with mine and had to stay in the relationship I'd still be happy. I simply love life, I still get to breath air, talk to people, taste food, have adventures etc.

You just have to manage to live without any closeness or passion, without touching that person you love or even sex if it's bad.
You may know the feeling, when you see your other half and just have to touch them in some way and you know they feel the same way about you. Because if you don't love the person you're with, that touch, that kiss become hollow and meaningless.
So yes, you can. But where there was closeness and intimacy, there is just this horrible, empty void inside you when you just see a person sitting next to you instead of someone you love.
I wasted 10 years of my life because I thought I could do it. That this person would change. That love and feelings where overrated and irrelevant. That maybe one day she would turn around and say "I love you". She did. On the evening before I moved out. That pissed me off so bad. And it was a lie.
The first three, four years were OK. There was a lot of weed and beer. After a while even that faded. The next few years were me trying to better myself and maybe become the person she wanted me to be. But I was never good enough. Plus I was trapped after the property crash. Couldn't sell the house, couldn't get out.
In the end I was broken and just when I had given up hope and resigned myself, this insanely wonderful woman reached out to me from nowhere when I least expected it and she is now my wife.
My only regret is that this didn't happen 10 years ago or even earlier.

P.S.
I had been with person 1 for 15 years before that and loved her madly. But there were always signs that she didn't quite feel the same about me.
Because I don't remember her ever walking up to me, kissing me and saying " I love you". That should always be a warning sign.

Koala Sunshine

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

You just have to manage to live without any closeness or passion, without touching that person you love or even sex if it's bad.
You may know the feeling, when you see your other half and just have to touch them in some way and you know they feel the same way about you. Because if you don't love the person you're with, that touch, that kiss become hollow and meaningless.
So yes, you can. But where there was closeness and intimacy, there is just this horrible, empty void inside you when you just see a person sitting next to you instead of someone you love.
I wasted 10 years of my life because I thought I could do it. That this person would change. That love and feelings where overrated and irrelevant. That maybe one day she would turn around and say "I love you". She did. On the evening before I moved out. That pissed me off so bad. And it was a lie.
The first three, four years were OK. There was a lot of weed and beer. After a while even that faded. The next few years were me trying to better myself and maybe become the person she wanted me to be. But I was never good enough. Plus I was trapped after the property crash. Couldn't sell the house, couldn't get out.
In the end I was broken and just when I had given up hope and resigned myself, this insanely wonderful woman reached out to me from nowhere when I least expected it and she is now my wife.
My only regret is that this didn't happen 10 years ago or even earlier.

P.S.
I had been with person 1 for 15 years before that and loved her madly. But there were always signs that she didn't quite feel the same about me.
Because I don't remember her ever walking up to me, kissing me and saying " I love you". That should always be a warning sign.

Well that's your problem there, trying to be what she would want you to be.

That can't happen me because I live by my own values, I don't seek or need my partner's approval. I love me with or without my partner. I love my partner, and enjoy sharing our lives. But if she broke up with me tomorrow simply because she felt like it that wouldn't be a problem at all. I don't exist to serve her and she owes me nothing, I exist to walk my path and invite her along on the journey if she wishes, if she doesn't then that's cool, I wish her the best.

Your Face

Id like to know what are the OPs partners version of events.

dr.fuzzenstein

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

Well that's your problem there, trying to be what she would want you to be.

That can't happen me because I live by my own values, I don't seek or need my partner's approval. I love me with or without my partner. I love my partner, and enjoy sharing our lives. But if she broke up with me tomorrow simply because she felt like it that wouldn't be a problem at all. I don't exist to serve her and she owes me nothing, I exist to walk my path and invite her along on the journey if she wishes, if she doesn't then that's cool, I wish her the best.

That's what I thought 20 years ago.
The full horror of what happened to me is a story for another day.

professore

Koala Sunshine wrote: »

Well that's your problem there, trying to be what she would want you to be.

That can't happen me because I live by my own values, I don't seek or need my partner's approval. I love me with or without my partner. I love my partner, and enjoy sharing our lives. But if she broke up with me tomorrow simply because she felt like it that wouldn't be a problem at all. I don't exist to serve her and she owes me nothing, I exist to walk my path and invite her along on the journey if she wishes, if she doesn't then that's cool, I wish her the best.

You're first sentence is correct, however the rest of your post tells me your current partner means nothing to you. In fact you are like the previous posters ex wife. As Shakespeare said "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

He seems to have finally found a decent woman.