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Feel like I don’t deserve happiness

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  • 17-02-2018 12:33am
    #1
    numnumcake
    Registered Users Posts: 69 ✭✭


    Hi everyone just wondering if anyone could offer any advice as I’m feeling quite down at the moment. For a bit of background I haven’t had a great track record of relationships I started going out with my first boyfriend very young I was 17 and we were together for a year and a half. It was a bit of a disaster due to us being incompatible, young and his issues with drug abuse. I kissed someone early on in that relationship but told him after it happened and we tried to move on from it. It meant nothing and was a drunken mistake. I left him and got with my next boyfriend very soon after and I think my ex was heartbroken by seeing this happen in front of him. In hindsight it was bad form but at the time I just cared about my happiness.

    In the next relationship it was a bit better he was a lovely guy and stable but we started to drift apart after 2 years and he started drinking. I had moved away for work and again ended up kissing another guy on a drunken night out. I told my bf the day after it happened and he wanted to forgive me but I felt the relationship had been ruined and I ended it.

    I was single for a while and 6 months ago met an amazing guy that I am so in love with and could never imagine hurting him. Everything is great between us however...

    I just feel like I’ve been such a bad person in the past in other relationships that I don’t deserve this happiness. I’ve even thought that if my current bf cheats on me or leaves me I would deserve it like a karma thing.

    It’s no excuse but I had a tough upbringing plagued by my parents mental illness and alcohol abuse and was bought up with an unhealthy perception of relationships. I was also naive when young and drank too much making stupid decisions. I feel like I’ve matured a lot in the past 2 years but just feel like I will never forgive myself for how I have treated people.

    Apologies for the long post just wondering if anyone had advice on how to overcome this.


Comments

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    #2
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    First of all, stop talking about "deserving" happiness. No one "deserves" happiness. Happiness is a temporary thing that we sometimes achieve for a period of time mostly through attitude and a bit of luck. There is no karma, only what you make of life.


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    #3
    tigger123
    Registered Users Posts: 4,467 ✭✭✭tigger123


    We've all made mistakes in past relationships, and in everything else, but it's what you've learned from them that's important.

    It sounds like you're taking your own previous experience and behaviour and using it positively to shape your behaviour with this new relationship, which is a very positive thing which you should be proud of.

    Stop over thinking it and enjoy your new relationship. See where it takes the two of you.


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