Scared to move out of my parents house

LegacyUser

Im 30years old, female and dont want to move out of home, the thoughts of it fills me with anxiety. I lived away from my parents house in another town for 5 years in my 20's and I was really unhappy, I was lonely, depressed and found it impossible to adjust to, I found it hard to make new friends and because i was/am single with no children I spent allot of my time alone with very little to occupy my time outside of work, it never felt like home and I knew I would move back home eventually. I moved back home after the place I worked for closed down, moving home was an adjustment as ive never had a great relationship with my mother but just being around family everyday and being in my own room and my own bed with my pets and everything familiar around me I became happier again. I know the time is coming when I will have to move out again, I cant stay here forever but im terrified of it, my parents live a 15 minute drive out the country and I cant drive so visiting when I feel like it wont be an option. Can anyone give advice about how to adjust to being an adult and living away from family? What I wouldnt give to be 15 again.

Ursus Horribilis

Are you working now? Because if you can at all, you should learn how to drive and sort your own transport. It'll give you independence and flexibility to come and go. It'd also give you options for work and where to live. It'd also help you build a social life for yourself. I'm from the countryside so I know how grounded you can become without a car.

It might also help improve your relationship with your mother. It can't be easy from her either having her 30 year old daughter, who she doesn't always get in with, under her roof all the time. It's not healthy for you either, living the life you're now leading. It's funny you say you'd love to be 15 again. In ways it looks like you're still stuck at that age.

House shares can be a great way to meet people and make friends. I say *can* because that's not always the case. But if you find yourself sharing with a nice group of people, it could broaden your social life.

It might also be useful to book a few sessions with a counsellor to talk through things. Your anxiety about moving out again, your relationship with your mum and your troubles making friends. Unless you want to sit at home at 40 years of age, unable to drive and with no life to speak of... The question is, do you want to change?

LegacyUser

OP HERE

Hi Ursus sorry but I think you misunderstood, I'm a qualified teacher working/subbing part time (its difficult to get full time work) as work is unsteady I cant afford to drive, im barely saving anything as it is, lessons are atleast 500 euro then insurance is a few thousand not to mention money for car, tax, petrol, nct, license and theory test and new drivers are required to have someone with a full license in the car at all times while theyre driving. I dont have anybody who would do that for me.
I do have friends and I have a social life, most of them are settled down with children ect and we're all busy with work and commitments but we try to make time for each other once a week or two weeks, others I only see every few weeks/months but when we meet its like we saw each other yesterday.

knotknowbody

I really think you need to make a plan to move out within 12-18 months, and start working towards it, it won't happen overnight but by the sounds of it the key will be to pass the test and get a car, so you are mobile.

Do your parents have a car, I grew up 20 minutes out the country and it is rare for a house that far out not to have at least one car.

Could you become a named driver on that, about three years ago a friend got a deal where he went on his parents car as a named driver and the insurer(AVIVA I think) paid for ten lessons, cost him less than €500 to be named driver for the year and he had his full license by the end, surely friends will sit in with you now and again for practice, spread around between a few of them it is only an hour or two each over maybe 6 months.

I was in a similar situation to you at 26, not working full time, only picking up bits and pieces of work, living at home, no car, no license, you can feel trapped. It's difficult but getting my license gave me freedom, the hardest part was getting the money together for that initial insurance on the parents car but once its paid you have a whole year to practice and pass, once I passed full time work was much easier to come by as I could travel to where the work was even if it meant a two/three hour drive each way, I was moved out by 28 and haven't lived at home in over ten years.

Once you pass the test, pick up a cheap run around to get you mobile, insurance is much cheaper with the full license, it's much easier living away when you have a car as you can visit as often as you want.

end of the road

hiya op
would counciling for your anxiety be an option? i think it might be worth looking into, you could talk through what terrifies you about leaving home and they would be able to suggest ways to help you deal with it. just a thought. i would also second a houseshare if you could get a decent bunch of housemates. i don't know what other advice i could really give you but i wish you well and hope things work out.

cazzer22

Homebird1987 wrote: »

OP HERE

Hi Ursus sorry but I think you misunderstood, I'm a qualified teacher working/subbing part time (its difficult to get full time work) as work is unsteady I cant afford to drive, im barely saving anything as it is, lessons are atleast 500 euro then insurance is a few thousand not to mention money for car, tax, petrol, nct, license and theory test and new drivers are required to have someone with a full license in the car at all times while theyre driving. I dont have anybody who would do that for me.
I do have friends and I have a social life, most of them are settled down with children ect and we're all busy with work and commitments but we try to make time for each other once a week or two weeks, others I only see every few weeks/months but when we meet its like we saw each other yesterday.

Where abouts are you subbing because there is PLENTY of work out there at the moment? There are full-time jobs and no applicants in some cases?

LegacyUser

cazzer22 wrote: »

Where abouts are you subbing because there is PLENTY of work out there at the moment? There are full-time jobs and no applicants in some cases?

You’re obviously not in the teaching profession if you believe that. You don’t know if she’s primary or secondary, what subjects she teaches, what part of the country she’s in, etc. Don’t believe everything politicians say.

I’ll confidently wager that the OP is regularly checking the jobs posted on education.ie. A lot of the jobs are odd combinations, like a four week parental leave cover for Pyhsics and Business Studies for example

Mrcaramelchoc

Do you have to move out?if you're single no kids paying you're own way and happy i don't see why you should?unless you're parents want you to?
Maybe i missed something.