4/5 yr old best friends with different skin colours

tempnam

Our 4 year old is going for a play date with her best friend tomorrow. And she drew a picture of herself and her best friend to take with her to give to her friend as a present.

She used a black marker to draw her best friend because, in her own words "[friend's name] has black skin". If an adult had drawn this picture you would question their motive.

It's only quite recently that our daughter even mentioned to us that they had different skin colours and was asking us about it.

I know it's completely innocent on my daughter's part and in her mind she has simply drawn a lovely picture as a gift to her best friend.

I'm worried that the other child or her parents might be offended by the drawing. Am I over thinking things here?

Pete Tong

In my opinion you are over-thinking it. It is art and is what your child sees.

I was trying to explain racism to my 6 year old last week. They just didn't get it.

retro:electro

Why would they be offended? Its the colour of her skin?

embraer170

The friend has darker skin so your child drew her with a darker marker.

I really do not see a problem.

tempnam

tempnam wrote: »

If an adult had drawn this picture you would question their motive.

You would?

ted1

Sorry, what’s the issue?

drunkmonkey

anna080 wrote: »

Why would they be offended? Its the colour of her skin?

Yes but she might identify as a white girl. Racial Fluidity it's called.

tempnam

embraer170 wrote: »

The friend has darker skin so your child drew her with a darker marker.

I really do not see a problem.

She has brown skin but the drawing was done with a black marker. I'm obviously over thinking it - it was more worrying about the parent's potential reaction.

ted1

tempnam wrote: »

embraer170 wrote: »

The friend has darker skin so your child drew her with a darker marker.

I really do not see a problem.

She has brown skin but the drawing was done with a black marker. I'm obviously over thinking it - it was more worrying about the parent's potential reaction.

What colour crayon did she use for the white girl ?

Ajsoprano

Mixing is now a thing we fear because of Twitter I think. They are the same as you nobody is gonna start throwing hashtags around. It must be lonely for a lot of minority parents doing the school run. They probably worry just like you over silly things like this.

shesty

I think the main point you should take away from it is that she sees her friend is a different colour but she still sees her as a friend.She doesn't see her for the colour of her skin.

Her friend could have white skin but different colour hair to your daughter, and could have drawn that, and you probably wouldn't have raised an eyebrow.Skin is no different, it's just we know the history and kids don't.I would say you are thinking too much about it.

Teyla Emmagan

drunkmonkey wrote:

Yes but she might identify as a white girl. Racial Fluidity it's called.

Really? Or am I being naive again? I must look this up.

You don't have to bring the drawing if you don't want to OP.

SEPT 23 1989

I think her parents would be more offended if the drawing of their black daughter was white

wexie

shesty wrote: »

I think the main point you should take away from it is that she sees her friend is a different colour but she still sees her as a friend.She doesn't see her for the colour of her skin.

Her friend could have white skin but different colour hair to your daughter, and could have drawn that, and you probably wouldn't have raised an eyebrow.Skin is no different, it's just we know the history and kids don't.I would say you are thinking too much about it.

That's exactly it, kids are colour blind when it comes to things like this. They simply don't understand why it would make a difference (nor should they, or it).

Black or brown is just another physical attribute just like tall, short, blond, ginger.

It's just that somehow over time and history people have started attributing some kind of value or judgement to that particular physical attribute and kids just haven't picked up on that or been taught that. Which is great no?

Think the world would be a much better place if we could all see it like our kids do, for what it is and without any judgement.

And, for what it's worth, it says something about OP as a parent that the child doesn't see or think about skin colour.

'That's just my friend who has brown skin'

And OP? I wouldn't be overly worried about the parents of the playdate, I'd imagine they are well aware of the fact that if there was anything other than innocence involved in the picture that your kids wouldn't be friends and you wouldn't be organizing playdates.

sillysocks

I would say don’t worry either, they’re kids and you’d like to hope the other parents realise that too.

Kids definitely don’t see it as an issue, my 4 year old was recently learning about how years ago Black people had to sit at the back of the bus and weren’t allowed in the front seats. My husband asked him why was that bad and he replied “eh cause then they couldn’t see out the front window”!

wexie

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Really? Or am I being naive again? I must look this up.

You don't have to bring the drawing if you don't want to OP.

I wouldn't imagine it's overly common but I think there have been cases of white/caucasian people identifying as black/ african american.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/rachel-dolezal-white-woman-black-racial-fluidity-accepted-transracial-naacp-a7653131.html

Then again....have a look what comes up when you type 'woman identifies as' into Google :

shesty

Or she might be being four and drawing things as she sees them....
I'm sure the other little girl draws herself as black and her friends a different colour...

Zulu

Sweet suffering jesus cant we all just cut through the American bull sh1t?

Whats your child motive? Is (s)he a racist??
I think we all know (s)he isn't; I think we can all see how stupid a question that is. So forget about it... ...actually don't - have a good long think about it - you shouldn't be worrying about this kinda sh1t. You've a great little person there thats happy to make friends with and play with whomever without thinking twice about it. Take a pat on your back for raising them so well this far. And just get on with it. Don't be fretting a problem that isn't there.

Your doing a good job tempnam; forget about it.

drunkmonkey

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Really? Or am I being naive again? I must look this up.

Yes really

Think mine will be pretty racial fluid had them bopping around to HipHop-O-Potamus at 8am, they'll be bouncing off the walls in the crèche this morning, still signing it going in.

Hoboo

Rip it up, and explain to your child when drawing people she must colour them blue. Everyone must be blue, that way no one gets offended.

thejaguar

When my niece was in playschool I was asking her about her friends in school.

She said there was two boys called Reuben. So I said "Two Reubens? How do you know which one is which?"
I was hoping she'd be able to come up with words to describe different things - like their clothes or their schoolbags - something like that.

She simply replied - "brown Reuben has curly hair".

My point being - skin colour has zero relevance to children - it just looks different. Anyone who gets offended by what children draw is creating a problem that doesn't exist.

beertons

Kids are great. They just say it as it is. No messing, no fussing, no harm.

GreeBo

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I think her parents would be more offended if the drawing of their black daughter was white

This.

tempnam

Thanks for the replies all. I was obviously WAY over-thinking things last night after I saw the picture sitting on the kitchen table.

It's very cute actually.

It's a non-issue.

c.p.w.g.w

Unfortunately in the Social Media age this can be turned into an issue by some bottom feeder looking for likes, upvotes and retweets. It's certainly a complete non issue.

Thankfully we live in Ireland a country that is pretty accepting of all people(maybe no vegans).

Your daughter doesn't understand racism, and isn't likely to encounter it, unless she's watching fox news.

Kids aren't born racist, Racism is generally a thought by family or society.

drunkmonkey

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Thankfully we live in Ireland a country that is pretty accepting of all people(maybe no vegans).

Your daughter doesn't understand racism, and isn't likely to encounter it, unless she's watching fox news.

Accept for anyone who didn't back crooked Hillary, serious knocking fox news when CNN is the home of fake news is laughable, take your beating on the chin. :P

Were all racist the sooner that's accepted the better. Interesting take on it from a blackman from Donegal the other night on Claire Byrne https://www.rte.ie/player/ie/show/claire-byrne-live-extras-30003215/10835985/

pwurple

thejaguar wrote: »

When my niece was in playschool I was asking her about her friends in school.

She said there was two boys called Reuben. So I said "Two Reubens? How do you know which one is which?"
I was hoping she'd be able to come up with words to describe different things - like their clothes or their schoolbags - something like that.

She simply replied - "brown Reuben has curly hair".

My point being - skin colour has zero relevance to children - it just looks different. Anyone who gets offended by what children draw is creating a problem that doesn't exist.

Do they know that's the name of a delicious sandwich?
You're making me hungry!

Sleeper12

tempnam wrote:

I'm worried that the other child or her parents might be offended by the drawing. Am I over thinking things here?

They will definitely not be offended. Your child did a lovely picture & that's the end of it.

If the other child did a picture your child would most likely be coloured yellow or something. You wouldn't be offended.

You are over thinking. I have adopted black brother and sister and 6 adopted nieces of different shades from Africa. Trust me they won't take offence

tempnam

Just as an update... the play date happened. Later that evening I was tidying up and I found my daughter's bag that she had with her. The picture was still in it. I asked her why she still had it and she just said she forgot to give it to her friend!

Anyway they had another play date in our house today. They made cookies and when they were washing their hands afterwards my daughter said to her friend "you have brown skin". Her friend replied "yeah we're all made different and no 2 people are the same". My daughter agreed and said "yeah and I have peach skin" - and that was the end of it.

Don't know why I was worried. The kids obviously weren't

Chocolate fiend

I am coming at this from the other side - my daughter is white and is the only white child in her class. She is just 6. Some of the other kids are mean about her colouring. They are not quite being racist towards her but they are using her skin colour against her. It is hard being a minority, she hates that they see her as "different"

evolving_doors

tempnam wrote: »

Just as an update... the play date happened. Later that evening I was tidying up and I found my daughter's bag that she had with her. The picture was still in it. I asked her why she still had it and she just said she forgot to give it to her friend!

Anyway they had another play date in our house today. They made cookies and when they were washing their hands afterwards my daughter said to her friend "you have brown skin". Her friend replied "yeah we're all made different and no 2 people are the same". My daughter agreed and said "yeah and I have peach skin" - and that was the end of it.

Don't know why I was worried. The kids obviously weren't

And you thought she had white skin all along:pac:

evolving_doors

Chocolate fiend wrote: »

I am coming at this from the other side - my daughter is white and is the only white child in her class. She is just 6. Some of the other kids are mean about her colouring. They are not quite being racist towards her but they are using her skin colour against her. It is hard being a minority, she hates that they see her as "different"

Did you ever take it up with the teacher!

Chocolate fiend

evolving_doors wrote: »

Did you ever take it up with the teacher!

Yes, her teacher is great it is under control to a degree, the funny thing is that to the parents and grandparents of the children she is almost seen as a "trophy friend" and they often ask to take photos of her with their children outside school. To the children themselves she is simply a bit different and it is mostly her eyes they tease her about.
Most of the children are from two different cultures - she just happens to be the only white child.

We are not in Ireland.