Meeting people your not interested in?

baalad

Hope this is in the right section first of all. If not then feel free to move it...

So i basically met this girl recently. We aren't an item or anything. We have pretty much just been texting / chatting.

Recently she was honest enough to tell me that iam not the only guy she's talking too. There are at least 3 others. She insisted however that she has no interest in them.

I couldn't help but think "why are you texting them if your not interested in them "and her response was "because we have so much in common"

Now ive no issues with her talking to other men. Iam just confused as to why you would talk to strangers that your not interested in. And if you have so much in common then shouldnt you be interested?

Since then, she has told me she made arrangements to meet one of these men for a drink but she still insists she's not interested in him.

Iam confused. Do women meet men they aren't interested in? These are not friends btw. These are men she met on a dating site.

cailin.

It's a red flag when you meet someone new and they are telling you about their other dating interests or plans to meet other people etc. She sounds a bit like a head-wrecker.

She is entitled to keep her options open in the same way that you are as you are single and what you describe is a reflection of modern dating unfortunately. In saying that, she shouldn't go on about it and it's strange why she is telling you about the ins and outs of her dating life.

Have you arranged a date or to meet soon?

So she’s going on a date with some other guy she met on a dating site and is not interested in him

She’s probably saying the same thing to that other guy about you

Don’t be “that guy” for your own sanity

LuckyLloyd

It's common in the early stages of dating to be keeping your options open elsewhere. You should always assume this infact. I'd say it's polite to not reference it mind.

There are of course people for whom Tinder / dating becomes their primary form of entertainment. There's nothing wrong with that, but some people may wish to continue with casual encounters and aren't really interested in forming a relationship for a variety of reasons.

I'd focus on what you're looking for here, what you think is acceptable behaviour, the level of engagement you're receiving from her and whether you're enjoying the interaction. Your general questions aren't worth spending too much time on.

Have you met this woman yourself? Are you interested? The normal course of events is that you date for a few weeks and eventually have a chat about exclusivity. There's no real timetable to that, every relationship and every person is different. But, as always, being clear about what you're looking for and expect is the surest way to know where you stand.

skallywag

I would imagine it's easier for her to tell you that she is not interesed in them rather than that she is keep her options open for now.

baalad

We have actually met up recently and she seems very keen on me. That's why iam confused. She seems to genuinely like me and iam wondering if she does so therefore she feels obliged to tell me she's not interested in these other guys but clearly she is if she would meet them right?

When we discussed it she said that she is happy to meet only me and won't meet anyone else...... If i tell her not to? Why do i need to tell her not too lol

cailin.

baalad wrote: »

t she is happy to meet only me and won't meet anyone else...... If i tell her not to? Why do i need to tell her not too lol

How long do you know her?

Judge her based on her behaviour, not on her words and it's clear that if she is saying one thing to you and doing another, that she is not as genuine as you might think.
I recently was dating a guy who used online dating for the same purpose as this girl, to meet people for casual encounters and then let them down gently by trying to stay friends with all these random women.

You should be out having fun and getting to know her organically, instead you are worried about who she is out with and what she is saying to other people. Not a good sign, but it's totally up to you whether you're willing to accept that kind of behaviour from someone.

woodchuck

She's playing games.

It's pretty common nowadays for people to date multiple people at the same time until you decide you're exclusive with one of them. However most people don't go on about all the other people they're meeting! She's trying to get an reaction from you - possibly to figure out if you're interested in a serious relationship with her, but could just be pure attention seeking.

LegacyUser

If you like her& want to date her, tell her.
Otherwise she's free to text& contact whomever she so pleased,& if they or she wants to make a move, she's a free agent.
Basically she's telling you that she likes you the best out of all of them, but that she has potential dating options&/other male friends if you're not interested enough.

Xterminator

your not in an exclusive relationship and she was very upfront about it. its a good sign if you ask me - ie not a red flag, but a green one.

honesty and open communication are never a bad thing in my mind.

you know where you stand - how is that a game?

Xterminator

Xterminator wrote: »

your not in an exclusive relationship and she was very upfront about it. its a good sign if you ask me - ie not a red flag, but a green one.

honesty and open communication are never a bad thing in my mind.

you know where you stand - how is that a game?

What part of going out on a date with someone “she has no interest in” makes sense

This is not being “upfront”

tara73

could it be a test from her whether you like her more than just a casual encounter to see if you get jealous? many people act like this or play this (stupid) games to find out.

and you are jealous, otherwise you wouldn't open a thread here about it.

it seems to me you both like each other but nobody wants to admit it or show it. question is, what do you want? if you're more than casually interested, do you show her?
you could be sending out mixed signals or no real signals either.

leggo

100% of the women I’ve met who have acted like this at some stage have turned out to be absolute melts. Even if she’s more attractive than who you’d usually chat to, hence you putting up with this to begin with, most likely the only difference is that you’ll have your head melted by someone more attractive than usual instead of being happy. Avoid.

WIZWEB

Weird that she let you know. Often it's to initiate a term called 'triangulation'. Though she appears to have expanded it even further! It's deliberate to make you jealous and desire her more. These others may or may not exist. If they do then you can be sure she's playing the same games with them. I would take a page from her and put my attentions elsewhere and block her.