Your newest teetotaller :)

combino

So, I'm going teetotal...

I am 30 and have been drinking for the past 16 years. Yes, I started at around 13/14 and had my first, what I like to call, "incident" at 14 and it involved the guards. Since then I have had a significant incident every 1.5 years I would estimate, on average.

The latest was about a week ago and involved another person. Without going into detail I completely flipped out at the person, which some might say was warranted and kick them out of my flat. It.can't.happen.again and the only way I can ensure that is to not drink, so here I am

I have been out once already with my friends and it wasn't too bad. I think I have grown and matured significantly over the last 2-3 years which means I now have the confidence to go out without drink and have a good time. My current group of friends aren't huge drinkers either which makes things easy.

Anyway, that's me. I hope everybody here is getting on ok

Sigma Force

combino wrote: »

So, I'm going teetotal...

I am 30 and have been drinking for the past 16 years. Yes, I started at around 13/14 and had my first, what I like to call, "incident" at 14 and it involved the guards. Since then I have had a significant incident every 1.5 years I would estimate, on average.

The latest was about a week ago and involved another person. Without going into detail I completely flipped out at the person, which some might say was warranted and kick them out of my flat. It.can't.happen.again and the only way I can ensure that is to not drink, so here I am

I have been out once already with my friends and it wasn't too bad. I think I have grown and matured significantly over the last 2-3 years which means I now have the confidence to go out without drink and have a good time. My current group of friends aren't huge drinkers either which makes things easy.

Anyway, that's me. I hope everybody here is getting on ok

That's brilliant, good on you. If you can maybe get some support from AA or a one on obe support worker as you'll find over time some things even silly small things will crop up that you might need a bit of support with it can make all the difference to have someone impartial and non judgemental to talk to.

combino

Ok, so update on this.
I didn't take it seriously the last time (OP date) and gave up after my first night out meeting some friends, who ridiculed my no booze choice and I gave in..
Since then the weather has gotten better and between that and being back at work i've gotten drinking heavy again. This time it's more frequent (few times a week) and resulting in black outs a few times.

Recently I have noticed a big up tick in black outs and also myself continuing to stay out and drink after friends go home. Last time was a Tuesday night and I stayed out until bar closed and was blacked out also. I felt so hungover and depressed that I did this I called in sick the next day. The first time booze has directly affected my work.
I have realised that I literally keep on drinking a lot of the time until the bar stops basically..it's a disaster.

Two of the biggest things on my mind now:

1. This can't continue - I feel normal and feel like I could go for a few pints with friends now and be all cool, but NO - I think I have finally realised I have a problem and need to cut out booze for the foreseeable future. I don't think there is a middle ground really.

2. This change is going to be huge for me. A huge part of my social life revolves around getting drunk with friends.. My biggest challenge will be continuing to go out and be part of the group and not be the dry arse who doesn't drink.

Another side point is that I am on anti-depressants and I think the last few months of booze has inhibited those affects.

I think right now I need to just build a support network.

Sigma Force

combino wrote: »

Ok, so update on this.
I didn't take it seriously the last time (OP date) and gave up after my first night out meeting some friends, who ridiculed my no booze choice and I gave in..
Since then the weather has gotten better and between that and being back at work i've gotten drinking heavy again. This time it's more frequent (few times a week) and resulting in black outs a few times.

Recently I have noticed a big up tick in black outs and also myself continuing to stay out and drink after friends go home. Last time was a Tuesday night and I stayed out until bar closed and was blacked out also. I felt so hungover and depressed that I did this I called in sick the next day. The first time booze has directly affected my work.
I have realised that I literally keep on drinking a lot of the time until the bar stops basically..it's a disaster.

Two of the biggest things on my mind now:

1. This can't continue - I feel normal and feel like I could go for a few pints with friends now and be all cool, but NO - I think I have finally realised I have a problem and need to cut out booze for the foreseeable future. I don't think there is a middle ground really.

2. This change is going to be huge for me. A huge part of my social life revolves around getting drunk with friends.. My biggest challenge will be continuing to go out and be part of the group and not be the dry arse who doesn't drink.

Another side point is that I am on anti-depressants and I think the last few months of booze has inhibited those affects.

I think right now I need to just build a support network.

This day just my own opinion and based on a bit of experience. You might need to go to rehab to get the most support and take yourself away from the influences so you can start concentrating on yourself. Maybe shorter programmes work for people but I find like with anything 12 weeks is a good time frame wether it's something more serious like addiction, or diet changes etc. That's just my opinion others might not agree. But it has to be your choice sog course

lufties

Sigma Force wrote: »

combino wrote: »

So, I'm going teetotal...

I am 30 and have been drinking for the past 16 years. Yes, I started at around 13/14 and had my first, what I like to call, "incident" at 14 and it involved the guards. Since then I have had a significant incident every 1.5 years I would estimate, on average.

The latest was about a week ago and involved another person. Without going into detail I completely flipped out at the person, which some might say was warranted and kick them out of my flat. It.can't.happen.again and the only way I can ensure that is to not drink, so here I am

I have been out once already with my friends and it wasn't too bad. I think I have grown and matured significantly over the last 2-3 years which means I now have the confidence to go out without drink and have a good time. My current group of friends aren't huge drinkers either which makes things easy.

Anyway, that's me. I hope everybody here is getting on ok

That's brilliant, good on you. If you can maybe get some support from AA or a one on obe support worker as you'll find over time some things even silly small things will crop up that you might need a bit of support with it can make all the difference to have someone impartial and non judgemental to talk to.

Forget about AA. Just stop putting the stuff in your body.

I'm a year off it, no fads, no gimmicks, no AA. Just pure abstinence. I was a moderate/binge drinker for 19 years.

Mearings

lufties wrote: »

Forget about AA. Just stop putting the stuff in your body.

I'm a year off it, no fads, no gimmicks, no AA. Just pure abstinence. I was a moderate/binge drinker for 19 years.

A rather sweeping statement.


Horses for courses.


ie different people are suited to different things.

lufties

Mearings wrote: »

A rather sweeping statement.


Horses for courses.


ie different people are suited to different things.

AA will keep you coming back in the mindset that you'll always be tied with alcohol addiction, this is total codswallop in my opinion. I was addicted to alcohol but once I stopped using it, over time I not crave it.

Amazingfun

lufties wrote: »

AA will keep you coming back in the mindset that you'll always be tied with alcohol addiction, this is total codswallop in my opinion. I was addicted to alcohol but once I stopped using it, over time I not crave it.

No, this isn't true. AA suggests we (real alcoholics as opposed to heavy drinkers, etc) have what is termed an "allergy" to alcohol. Once we start to drink, we develop the phenomenon of craving. The other problem is a mental obsession with it which is "somehow, someday, I will control and enjoy my drinking". It's why people return to it again and again and again with the old crazy idea that "this time it will be different".

So understanding/admitting that we cannot ever safely drink again is required for most of the drunks I know. And that's not easy, sure wasn't for me anyways :P

Anyhow Lufties, I had a look back through your four years of posting here, and I know you've had a hard slog. I am just happy you seem to have discovered a way that works for you at last, and I hope this is just the first year of many more sober years to come

I am over 16 years in a row away from drink now, and am a grateful member of AA, so whatever works is whatever works!

lufties

Amazingfun wrote: »

lufties wrote: »

AA will keep you coming back in the mindset that you'll always be tied with alcohol addiction, this is total codswallop in my opinion. I was addicted to alcohol but once I stopped using it, over time I not crave it.

No, this isn't true. AA suggests we (real alcoholics as opposed to heavy drinkers, etc) have what is termed an "allergy" to alcohol. Once we start to drink, we develop the phenomenon of craving. The other problem is a mental obsession with it which is "somehow, someday, I will control and enjoy my drinking". It's why people return to it again and again and again with the old crazy idea that "this time it will be different".

So understanding/admitting that we cannot ever safely drink again is required for most of the drunks I know. And that's not easy, sure wasn't for me anyways :P

Anyhow Lufties, I had a look back through your four years of posting here, and I know you've had a hard slog. I am just happy you seem to have discovered a way that works for you at last, and I hope this is just the first year of many more sober years to come

I am over 16 years in a row away from drink now, and am a grateful member of AA, so whatever works is whatever works!

I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with you. I have these cravings the odd time. I went to south America a few years ago and took the brew ayahuasca. This is a ceremonial visionary plant medicine. The gist I got was 'WTF are you doing poisoning yourself'. A few months later I quit booze altogether. I also follow a guy on you tube called kevin o hara. Whatever works I guess.

Amazingfun

You can refer to or define a craving any way you like, there's no issue.

It's when you speak in reference to AA that it's incorrect, for in AA craving refers to what happens once we start to drink, the above mentioned "physical allergy/phenomenon of craving".
I often heard the experience of this described as " I take the drink, the drink takes me", and it is exactly what happened almost every time I started drinking again after a period of abstinence. Mental stuff would happen tbh, and this allergy theory did indeed explain a lot of things I otherwise could not.

You can read "The Dr.'s Opinion" here and see what you think if ya like: http://silkworth.net/gsowatch/litbook.pdf

Anyhow, yeah--I am just glad we're both sober

lufties

Amazingfun wrote: »

You can refer to or define a craving any way you like, there's no issue.

It's when you speak in reference to AA that it's incorrect, for in AA craving refers to what happens once we start to drink, the above mentioned "physical allergy/phenomenon of craving".
I often heard the experience of this described as " I take the drink, the drink takes me", and it is exactly what happened almost every time I started drinking again after a period of abstinence. Mental stuff would happen tbh, and this allergy theory did indeed explain a lot of things I otherwise could not.

You can read "The Dr.'s Opinion" here and see what you think if ya like: http://silkworth.net/gsowatch/litbook.pdf

Anyhow, yeah--I am just glad we're both sober

Well I won't be so arrogant then in that case. I just get skeptical about something that enforces such an ideology.

I'm very lucky that I didn't need any external help. I find that struggling with emotions and dealing with stress is that hardest thing. Booze used be an instant cure for anxiety and depression.

Amazingfun

The weird thing Lufties is that experience you describe, like "struggling with emotions" and stress, etc, (an experience I know very well, believe me) is pretty much what the rest of the spiritual program is for: life and living after sobriety is on a somewhat firm foundation.

Once I had accepted step one: that yeah, I do have the weird reaction to alcohol that once I start to drink, I just seem to go on and on, no control at all once I start----and that even when I am off it a good while, and really want to stay off it, for some bizarre reason the day would always come where for some trivial reason (and often no reason at all) , I would be back at it yet again, forgetting every horrible nightmarish blackout that got me in so much trouble over the years. Nearly got me killed a couple of times, no exaggerating.
They called that weird thinking around alcohol a "mental obsession", and the last beating from the bottle convinced me I had that too.

And then AA became kinda simple, it wasn't about endless meetings anymore (thank God) as I really can't stand some of them tbh, I try to avoid any where there is no timer and no focus on sharing experience with recovery and solution based living. I had enough years of listening to people/myself dumping problems, etc, and it bored me silly.
Endless talking about problems never helped me, only becoming willing to embrace a new way of life did that. In other words, taking action instead of living in my monkey-mind chattering head.

There are loads of other spiritual programs and whatnot in the world. Steps 2-12 are really not that different from others imo, but step 1 is. For me, it's what makes AA unique, and I no longer felt chained to anyone or anything once I admitted to myself that I could never safely drink alcohol again. It was different this time because I finally understood why I couldn't drink alcohol anymore.

I do not have a sponsor and have not had one for all of my sobriety. I just use the Book, follow along with Big Book studies online as there are some brilliant recovered alkies around the world, and I share my experience with other alkies when they cross my path. I love a lot of people in my group and so I enjoy seeing them a couple of hours a week. We get to share our adventures in life after the hell of active alcoholism, and it keeps us all on our toes too.
Worst thing is when you see someone who once had a lot of years of sobriety fall back asleep due to complacency. Nooooooo thanks.

Even though I thought the program was stupid in the beginning, it actually did work, lol, and I am indeed very grateful to be alive and free

I wish ya well, I really do.

Take care.

Sigma Force

lufties wrote: »

Well I won't be so arrogant then in that case. I just get skeptical about something that enforces such an ideology.

I'm very lucky that I didn't need any external help. I find that struggling with emotions and dealing with stress is that hardest thing. Booze used be an instant cure for anxiety and depression.

AA is a handy place to start because it can be difficult to find other types of support groups and because meetings are held regularly people can pop in when they feel they need to. Some people find it a life saver, some find it helps and others go the odd time to catch up and just to refresh what they've learnt and maybe for a little back up. But it doesn't work for everyone as in some just can't get into it and that's ok there are other alternatives for support. My other half ..although I wish he'd go even just for the support ir to share the posative side of being sober..finds ut just brings him down and ut just doesn't suit him. There are so many similarities in every alcoholic but that doesn't mean their personalities are the same. So if something else is working for you then great, isn't the main thing that it's working at the end of the day.

lufties

Sigma Force wrote: »

AA is a handy place to start because it can be difficult to find other types of support groups and because meetings are held regularly people can pop in when they feel they need to. Some people find it a life saver, some find it helps and others go the odd time to catch up and just to refresh what they've learnt and maybe for a little back up. But it doesn't work for everyone as in some just can't get into it and that's ok there are other alternatives for support. My other half ..although I wish he'd go even just for the support ir to share the posative side of being sober..finds ut just brings him down and ut just doesn't suit him. There are so many similarities in every alcoholic but that doesn't mean their personalities are the same. So if something else is working for you then great, isn't the main thing that it's working at the end of the day.

Strange that its actually hard to get into. Is it an elitest club? An uncle of mine calls it the brotherhood or some such term. Sounds cultish. Certainly not my bag, but each to their own.

Sigma Force

lufties wrote: »

Strange that its actually hard to get into. Is it an elitest club? An uncle of mine calls it the brotherhood or some such term. Sounds cultish. Certainly not my bag, but each to their own.

It shouldn't be hard to get in to any of the ones my OH went to he found them really nice as in the people. Even though he doesn't like the whole 12 step thing he doesn't see that at least that partly helped him through his recovery. But I think his own change of mind and attitude helped him most. But yep if something else suits better and it's working nothing wrong with that. AA works for plenty but it can also leave some people stuck in a roundabout and not getting to the true cause. I'd still like to see my OH at least gave a sponsor just to have someone on the outside should he ever need it.