Quitting booze after 15 years..

combino

So... i've finally decided to quit drinking alcohol after 15 years.
The reason is simple - I risk harm to myself and or others if I continue.
I am 30 now, been drinking for the last 15 years. I would say that on average every 1-2 years I have an "incident". An incident could be anything from doing something ridiculously stupid/embarrassing in front of friends (and may include damaging relationships) all the way up to being arrested and getting violent with Gardai/Police .. I've been to court a number of times and had a number of other really close calls. After all of this I have come away without any criminal record which is something I am totally grateful for and cannot believe.
The straw the broke the camels back was last week. I have actually delete it from here for fear that it could be somewhat incriminating. Anyway, It would absolutely never have happened if I was sober and can't let it happen again. This means I simply have to give up drinking. None of this "just the odd one here and there", it doesn't work as it's hard to draw the line. I'll end up with others out some night and "having one or two", next thing who knows... I am not dependent on booze and can go ages without, but then when I go out it can often turn into a bender if I get people to drink with me.
Does this make me an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic?
There we go.

daithi1970

If your drinking has had adverse effect on yours and others lives,you could be ,at least,classified as a problem drinker..the only way to get a definitive answer is to talk to a helthcare professional, such as your gp, or the AA. The fact that you have an insight to the difficulties caused by your drinking is a good thing..I wish you the best of luck for the future.

daithi

Doctors room ghost

There are residential treatment programs available to help people who have issues with alcohol and other substances if you feel you need help.you could also attend a few aa meetings to get support and meet other people with issues with alcohol.google them to see which one would suit you.best of luck.

Big Bag of Chips

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015

There's also a forum here for people giving up, too. You'd get plenty of support from people in similar situation.

Neyite

Mod:

Just a wee reminder folks, no medical /professional diagnosis should be posted. Ta.

.......

This post has been deleted.

combino

Thanks everybody.. it's a weight off now that I have told somebody.
I will speak to my GP and also seek various channels for support etc, I hadn't spotted the other forum before but it's a good idea.
Cheers

runningbuddy

Fair play to you OP. I am older than you, 45 and around Xmas felt my drinking was becoming, let's say, habitual. :rolleyes:

I was drinking way to much. Well over the recommended limit for a woman.

Almost a month ago, I decided to quit completely for one month. Has been okay. To be fair, I'm busy, with work, 3 kids, etc.

I find having the odd AF beer really helps.

If you feel you need that extra support, contact AA, they are brilliant, in my experience.

valoren

What is an alcoholic?

The term 'alcoholic' is a strange one but as alcohol is the only psychoactive drug that is not only legal but has a long established social acceptance then it provides a a two fold effect for people who choose to actively drink alcohol. Alcohol is an addictive drug and so it follows that there will be addicts of this drug. Many can imbibe and enjoy it, and if they couldn't have a drink then it is inconsequential to them. Then there are people who always drink, the addicts.

However, addict is a very loaded term and people who abuse alcohol don't wish to be labelled addicts. They aren't taking drugs so to speak, they are just drinking, socialising, what's the problem you dry balls??

So the term 'alcoholic' becomes applicable.

Those who are addicted to it can evade facing up to the reality of their addiction by pointing to say a street bum with the cans of cider or the whiskey and say that is an alcoholic. If they themselves were actually an 'alcoholic' they would find themselves in the same situation. They're not so they have no problem effectively. They are not one as they are merely social drinkers but the reality is they are just functional addicts, the thought of never drinking again is unthinkable.

Then there are those who have faced the reality that they are addicted and that their drinking has caused them untold misery. Here is where the flipside to the term 'alcoholic' comes into play. They can evade responsibility by claiming they have a disease called 'alcoholism', they are then victims of this disease which is a cop out instead of telling the blunt truth that they are addicted to a drug, that it caused mayhem for them, but they broke their addiction.

I'd suggest looking at it as such. That you want to and will break the addiction and that you simply choose to no longer imbibe for you yourself. That way you no longer delude yourself believeing you have no problem and you don't play the victim. Instead you take control of it for you and you alone.


I don't smoke. I'm not addicted to cigarettes. If someone told me right now that I could never smoke again I wouldn't bat an eyelid. To that end, if you can reach the point where if someone told you that you could no longer take alcohol ever again and it wouldn't bother you in the slightest one way or another then you know you've broken the addiction. Best of luck.

mickrock

I'd strongly recommend reading "Rational Recovery" by Jack Trimpey:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518018034&sr=1-1&keywords=rational+recovery

I read this book and some associated online material several years ago and haven't drank since.

From the author's description on amazon:
"It describes a common means people use to self-recover through planned abstinence, an approach which I have named Addictive Voice Recognition Technique® or AVRT for short. AVRT is the "nuclear weapon" of the addictions field, not that I make any claim to have invented it. AVRT is a description of the awesome potential of addicted people to take personal responsibility for lifetime abstinence and to become normal, healthy, independent people who simply never drink alcohol or use other drugs. AVRT is simply a set of instructions on how to objectify the bodily desire for the pleasure produced by various substances, and how to make a transcending personal commitment to lifetime abstinence. AVRT is extremely successful, since people most often do what they want to do, especially when they know how."

Here is some online stuff on AVRT:
http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=36

combino

valoren wrote: »

What is an alcoholic? ...

Yes, I agree that the term is very much ambiguous for a lot of people these days. Not to mods: I am not discussing a diagnosis here..

Regardless of whether I am not an alcoholic, my thing is that, as my friend described I can't find my limit. If am in a situation with friends (clubs usually) I usually just keep drinking until the bar closes, and I can get away with loads of sneaky drinks as people don't see me. For example, the other night I was out and ordered a few drinks for people but got myself an extra double G&T, which I was gonna down at the bar before leaving. Then a friend came up and asked why I got the G&T and I just made some excuse. As a result I black out many times I go to a club, which is not often but black outs are frequent for when I do attend.

What's weird is that I don't think I addicted, I mean I could happily not drink for months if there was no occasion. If somebody told me I could never drink again, that would feel weird, not because I am dependent on it, but because I like a drink now and then etc.. Now that I am telling myself I am never drinking again it feels weird like that. But, because of the most recent "incident", which involved somebody else, I owe it to the people I meet in the future, not to allow it happen again - I can't ensure that if I continue drinking, meaning I must stop. I am 30 now and a proper adult so it's time I take control. It was ok between 15-20 as a kind of rite of passage. Not at 30 though that is just mental. If it continues, I will end up with a record, prison, dead, broken career etc. I have close calls with all of the above so far.

runningbuddy wrote: »

Fair play to you OP. I am older than you, 45 and around Xmas felt my drinking was becoming, let's say, habitual. :rolleyes:

I was drinking way to much. Well over the recommended limit for a woman.

Almost a month ago, I decided to quit completely for one month. Has been okay. To be fair, I'm busy, with work, 3 kids, etc.

I find having the odd AF beer really helps.

If you feel you need that extra support, contact AA, they are brilliant, in my experience.

I'll check that out and put on the Kindle list. Thanks.

missmelo

Hi op,

I think your great for coming to this realisation, i too was a person who didn't know when the party was over, i wouldn't call that an alcoholic but it can be very annoying, and then anxiety would kick in for two days, so 2 1/2 years ago i decided enough is enough and its been brilliant, i can go to any occasion and not drink, i have better craic im not panicking making sure i have a drink all the time or at closing, now my husband has followed me as he was more like you he got in silly trouble a few times but anxiety would last a week with him, its just not worth it, i also have tons more confidence going out im not sure why, maybe cause i know every1 else is pissed lol.. i wish you well

sarahf2k16

combino wrote: »

Yes, I agree that the term is very much ambiguous for a lot of people these days. Not to mods: I am not discussing a diagnosis here..

Regardless of whether I am not an alcoholic, my thing is that, as my friend described I can't find my limit. If am in a situation with friends (clubs usually) I usually just keep drinking until the bar closes, and I can get away with loads of sneaky drinks as people don't see me. For example, the other night I was out and ordered a few drinks for people but got myself an extra double G&T, which I was gonna down at the bar before leaving. Then a friend came up and asked why I got the G&T and I just made some excuse. As a result I black out many times I go to a club, which is not often but black outs are frequent for when I do attend.

What's weird is that I don't think I addicted, I mean I could happily not drink for months if there was no occasion. If somebody told me I could never drink again, that would feel weird, not because I am dependent on it, but because I like a drink now and then etc.. Now that I am telling myself I am never drinking again it feels weird like that. But, because of the most recent "incident", which involved somebody else, I owe it to the people I meet in the future, not to allow it happen again - I can't ensure that if I continue drinking, meaning I must stop. I am 30 now and a proper adult so it's time I take control. It was ok between 15-20 as a kind of rite of passage. Not at 30 though that is just mental. If it continues, I will end up with a record, prison, dead, broken career etc. I have close calls with all of the above so far.



I'll check that out and put on the Kindle list. Thanks.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I drank from 13-25. I stopped at 25, I'm now off drink 18 months and I am happier.

I constantly questioned whether I had a "problem" or was an "alcoholic" for the entire 12 years I drank yet I could never imagining stopping because alcohol was so intertwined with my self-identity. I kept rationalising that I didn't drink often, I wasn't physically dependent on alcohol until I got tipsy. Once I felt the buzz of alcohol I couldn't stop drinking despite it being so easy for me to get drunk.

Of course some people expressed concerns over the years but for the most part everyone loved going on the beer with me. Guess what? I hated myself. What's the point of keeping up the charade (that you can't control when you do choose to drink) to keep everyone else happy when you have no sense of content or peace in yourself?

I always lived in fear of the thing that would "make me have to stop". The line where I knew I had to stop. I got sexually assaulted at 18 (told no one) and that didn't stop me, cause it was another "incident" I brought upon myself. That "incident" should have been enough and every other incident reminded me of that. I drank "past" it just like every other "bad" night. I was never "bad enough" to be an alcoholic... I just had "incidents" like you.

Guess what, it may take someone 2 months or 20 years to become a full blown alcoholic but for people like me and you, it's not going to go anywhere good... if I couldn't moderate my drinking safely after 12 years, what made me think I could ever do it? I avoided alcohol at family functions thinking it was because I didn't "Need" it but really I was afraid of what would I would do once I got a few drinks in me.

I just still had the luxury of choice, ie. to drink once a week, once a month, etc. I thought those mini breaks from drink proved I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. The difference from me and what others may consider a "true" alcoholic so it that I could still function day to day and didn't need a drink every day... but hey in 2-20 years I could have progressed there. I was scared enough at the thought of just staying the SAME... thinking at best, I would still feel the same in 10 years. The never ending cycle of self-abuse and self-blame and then feeling a victim powerless to change because my mind was so warped and then hating yourself for allowing yourself to feel like a victim when you did it to yourself.

My life now is very different. My identity, my self-esteem are different. I don't live in complete fear of the future (ending up dead, having no control over my actions, in jail, etc.). I always had a little voice in my head saying alcohol would ruin my life... and I listened and let that little voice grow before it completely ruined my life. I have a feeling that little voice is in your head too. I don't really care now whether I label myself as an alcoholic or if others do because I don't have the shame of continuing to engage in self-destructive behaviour. Some people wouldn't dream of thinking I was an alcoholic but in the end, I knew that my drinking would never be normal so I had to stop fighting that I could control it or not care until the next big f**k up.

I know it seems impossible now and it will feel unnatural and fragile for the first months even year but I promise you it will be worth giving it a go at least. I told everyone I was doing a year no beer challenge (there's a group on FB) as opposed to saying "I can't drink, I have a problem" - I told people it was a choice and that I "wanted" it. I didn't want to really stop drinking at the start - I wanted to stop hating myself and feel like I was doomed for misery and the same aul ****e. Now I don't know what my future holds but I know its better without drink. I have hope... I never had hope before.

Another thing ti keep in mind is ignore people's opinions. I stopped looking for "permission" to stop drinking from others (I did on boards, friends, counsellor etc.) I was so concerned what others would think before I realised that I should stop giving any f**ks... I didn't let what others thought stop me from drinking so why should I care what people think of me not drinking now. Don't hold on waiting for the next thing to tell you to stop, choose to stop and take power from making that decision. I feel more free now than I ever did drinking. Your post reminded me of that terrible time before I finally believed I could actually change and just choose sobriety so I do feel for what you're going through now and wish you the best with everything.

If nothing else, please try read Blackout by Sarah Hepola, her words inspired me to re-evaluate my life.

Blogs like Hip Sobriety and Laura McKowen are an amazing resource too that completely helped me rethink my fear of over being "dry"