Feeling a little hopeless

Jenneke87

Hi guys,
This is going to be a long one and a bit of a rant/moan, but I've got no other place to air my thought unfortunately, so thanks for reading this. 

I've been feeling really down lately about my bad luck with men in general. I have a bad history unfortunately: attracting men that are emotionally unavailable, have mental health issues such as depression or being suicidal or overly dependent on me (not judging those with mental health issues, btw, I've struggled with them myself) but it makes relationships far from easier. Eventually we'd reach breaking point and split up and I would find someone with similar problems. I find it very difficult to hurt someone so breaking up was always very difficult for me and something I would avoid until there was no other choice. My last serious relationship was over 2.5 years ago with a man who was deeply introverted; as long as he could talk about his work he was fine ( he was/is an archeologist) but would be lost if I'd change the subject to something else or to something more personal. He'd sit beside me on the couch with his hands folded in his lap, stare at the ground and say:' I don't know what to say to you."  A simple phone conversation wasn't possible, questions would be answered with one-word sentences. We'd hardly go anywhere as he didn't feel the need to go anywhere unless it was related to his work. Now, I'm an introvert as well but with him it felt like we were living as hermits. It was a relief when we broke up.I decided to stay single for awhile as I felt I needed a break, but nothing seems to have changed it seems. 

The last man I dated had some serious trouble with my (sexual) history and some live decisions that I made and went ballistic over them. I know I did the right thing but sometime I find myself doubting myself: maybe this is as good as it's going to get for me? I don't feel like I have a lot going for me and I can't have children so maybe it's just silly to expect something better than what I previously had...

I've tried internet dating but it just didn't work out for me. I get reactions mainly from (much) older men, some even well into their fifties all claiming to be still " young at heart" and would I not give them a chance, but've gotten very few reactions from men my own age..At some point I had to put a line in my profile requesting men who are considerably older than me to please not respond which resulted in receiving no messages at all anymore..If this is what online dating is like when one is only 30 years old I shudder to think what it will be in 5 years from now..:(

I've tried the meet ups but to no avail. Either they were all taken or not in my age group or there was just no attraction. It just never seems to happen. I'm going for counseling in three weeks time as I'm obviously doing something wrong and I hope that will help a bit. I just feel so sad: I'm trying to find someone who is stable, happy and open-minded but I just keep attracting the exact opposite..I feel a little doomed at times.

Don't really know what I'm asking here but any insights are very welcome.

zoobizoo

How did you end up going out with the guys you did?

Did you not pick up on their issues earlier?

milli milli

I don't feel like I have a lot going for me

You're not really going to attract quality men if you feel this way about yourself.

I think the counselling is a good idea - I think you need to have a relationship with yourself before attempting one with someone else. Otherwise you'll have more of the same relationships as you're having now.

NinetyTwoTeam

Is it possible you are putting too much emphasis on having to be in a relationship to be happy? You're still young at 30, just relax, don't put yourself under so much pressure to meet someone, or you're likely to rush into a bad match again.

Bobmar

Same boat her jenny. It's been over 10 years since I've been in a serious relationship. Maybe it's just me I don't know. Girls have Gave me the come on but just slide away. Had a hard few years of a late but I keep thinking deep down inside I will meet my soul mate but who knows. But head up and keep trying. Who knows what is just around the river beend

metamorphosis

Low self esteem attracts low self esteem

High self esteem attracts high self esteem.

Ultimately how you feel about yourself is what you project and attract. If you keep ending up with the same type of men ... ask yourself what is the common denominator? You.

I would say it is a god idea to get a good therapist and work on you before prioritizing a relationship. It will serve you better in the long run.