FtM transitioning

Cas86

Hi All,

My 18 year old sister recently told our family she is Male and would like to transition. Tbh it really wasn't a surprise as since he was very young it was quite obvious. When he came out as a gay woman my mother asked was she sure she wasn't a boy and trying to hide. My mam had done a lot of research on transitioning, so certain was she that actually my sister was not gay but male. Anyway our family are very supportive, my mam & dad just want him to be happy as do I and my two sisters but we have an awful worry about his life going forward. So I have a few questions

1.does he tell his school he is transitioning or wait until after he's finished school in June?
2. Should he do his leaving cert in his new name even though his C.A.O would be filled in his old name or wait until the summer to assume his new identity?
3. Would it be best to take a year out after school and get used to your new identity?

It's just the unknown is starting to get to him. He has seemed very depressed since telling us, constantly breaking down in tears and lacking serious motivation to do anything other than sit in his room. The G.p was really great and referred him to a psychologist, however the psychologist has terrible reviews online and I'm just wondering if anyone knows of a good psychologist who specialises in transgender? And it's terrible that this is a factor because adequate healthcare should be accessible to all regardless of money but if anyone knows if you go private does it expedite the process?

Apologies I know this is a long and rambling post!

JackTaylorFan

Hi

It is a very personal choice when and where to begin social transition. Nobody can really judge when that time and place should be but your brother.

As for sitting exams in a deadname and incorrect gender markers - i would tell him not to worry so much as you can request this be amended on your results afterwards - believe me, speaking from experience. He will need to provide proof of name change and new birth cert when making the request though. I understand the psychological block of having to sit an exam under a name that does not fit - but hopefully knowing you can correct this later will help.

I actually would recommend taking a year out. This is my own personal opinion and perhaps it wouldn't suit him. But a year out to start whatever medical treatment he needs and counseling and so on seems like a good idea to me. This will also give him the chance to sort out gender recognition certs which will in turn allow him to get all his documents in order for CAO 2019. My one issue with a year out, is that he might feel more isolated as school friends will be moving on and such. It is a tough decision whatever he decides.

The stress of transitioning is unpredictable and different for everyone. Some cope really well, and others not so much. A strong level of family support really helps - and yes, what you and your mother are doing is amazing. He is lucky to have you both on his side.

I wish you all luck and if you need more detailed info on anything related to transitioning, I will be happy to reply to the best of my knowledge.

Annasopra

Where do you live?

The individuality group in Dublin might help.

http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?sectionid=80

If he has not legally transitioned I am not sure if he can actually sign official forms re leaving cert or cao. But I think TENI can probably can answer questions in a more detailed way on that. TENI can also give some advice around psychologists and schooling
See www.teni.ie

Also it might help if you or your parents or Sisters got help transparenci.

http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx?filter=FS

Cas86

Thank you so much for your reply and guidance! I think maybe as a family we're running away with the whole thing and my poor brother might feel it's going too fast.

Maybe he needs time to process and has probably spent years internalising it all? Anyway would you mind directing me to where we could find a list of psychologists specialising in transitioning? And do we need to be referred by a g.p or if we go private can we just book an appointment? The psychologist he was referred to has horrible reviews about her and the psychologist that comes highly recommended won't accept him as a patient as he's not in the catchment area. So just wondering if it is done on a catchment area basis or how it works??

Cas86

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Where do you live?

The individuality group in Dublin might help.

http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?sectionid=80

If he has not legally transitioned I am not sure if he can actually sign official forms re leaving cert or cao. But I think TENI can probably can answer questions in a more detailed way on that. TENI can also give some advice around psychologists and schooling
See www.teni.ie

Also it might help if you or your parents or Sisters got help transparenci.

http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx?filter=FS

Thank you so much for your reply. It's great that there is a support for trans teenagers and their families and I think it would benefit us all to attend as although we are 100% behind him I think we've all had bouts of insomnia with the worry and we've had a few tears. Plus I don't know how to tell people either, like how do you say my sister is now my brother because if I detect even a hint of something negative I'll fall out with people. I feel defensive before I've even told anyone whereas my two sisters have told their friends and work colleagues and said the reactions tend to be more curious than offensive. Yet i still haven't said anything for fear of losing it! So definetly meeting up with families who are going or have gone through the whole process would be a benefit!

Thanks again for the info

Annasopra

TENI lists healthcare providers here

The different tabs are there

http://www.teni.ie/healthcare.aspx

I would ring the TENI office for support and guidance on medical/legsal issues

Annasopra

Also

There has been a lot of anger lately about poor trans healthcare. This campaign group is worth supporting.

https://www.facebook.com/This-Is-Me-Transgender-Healthcare-Campaign-Ireland-398098927303493/

Annasopra

Also in relation to schools some schools can be very very supportive. A friend of mine came out as trans ftm in 5th year in an all girls convent about 5 or 6 years ago and the Teachers and Headmaster were a great support.

JackTaylorFan

Cas86 wrote: »

Plus I don't know how to tell people either, like how do you say my sister is now my brother because if I detect even a hint of something negative I'll fall out with people. I feel defensive before I've even told anyone whereas my two sisters have told their friends and work colleagues and said the reactions tend to be more curious than offensive.

Again, there is no hard and fast rule for telling people. Best to start with the friends you feel you can trust. But on trans stuff very little is certain - some will be 100% on you and your brother's side, whist some will shock you with their opinions. Again, it's amazing how supportive your family are being.

Cas86

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Also

There has been a lot of anger lately about poor trans healthcare. This campaign group is worth supporting.

https://www.facebook.com/This-Is-Me-Transgender-Healthcare-Campaign-Ireland-398098927303493/

Yes I will 100% support this group! Thank you