How to recover from a toxic break up once and for all

Surfgirl24

Any tips on how to STAY away from a ****e on and off again relationship ???

endacl

Head east.

Samuri Suicide

Head west

endacl

Samuri Suicide wrote: »

Head west

Wrong forum, dude.

Gaspode

Moving this to personal issues, best of luck and hope it's ok here mods.


On a lighter note, this song may have the answers you seek OP.

Addle

Gaspode wrote: »

On a lighter note, this song may have the answers you seek OP.

My immediate thought was this song too.
Obey the new rules OP.

Bambi985

Delete his number, block him on all social media platforms, fill up your schedule so you're busy busy busy (particularly on weekends) and then just cold turkey it until it gets a little easier. It's your life you're playing with here so make the biggest effort you can to move on. You'll only ever move backwards with him

Surfgirl24

Okay so i have this on and off again relationship with my ex. We've broken up so many time and it always seems to be me begging for him back and him saying things like I should be grovelling for his forgiveness?? I don't feel like anyone should have the right to say that to someone weather there right or wrong in this case he's never wrong and it's ALWAYS my fault. He had in the past abused me and always calls me hurtful things. Things I would never even repeat.. I know he's not right for me but I'm still finding myself going back to him. He has blocked me from all points of contact because he lashed out last night because I found out he had unblocked a girl he once cheated on me with?? Now I'm blocked and he doesn't care. Feeling very very low afraid to speak to anyone about this can't talk to friends because he has already gone and told his "own" side of the story to them. Felling so helpless any advice on picking myself back up?? I've called sick into work and all because of this felling so depressed and anxious about going back to work. I have so much to look forward to and I'be always been a confident person but this has literally battered me down.. why can people be so cruel?? Feeling like I will never recover from this

Vicxas

Who makes contact first? You or him?

If its you, you need to just block him, remove his number from your phone and try and resist the urge to contact him. The start is always the hardest part of it, but if you can manage the first few weeks you'll break the cycle.

Also, try and distract yourself. Meet friends, get lost in a hobby. Go for a long walk.

Surfgirl24

Vicxas wrote: »

Who makes contact first? You or him?

If its you, you need to just block him, remove his number from your phone and try and resist the urge to contact him. The start is always the hardest part of it, but if you can manage the first few weeks you'll break the cycle.

It's me most of the times, he would make contact if he feels like I am angry at him then he would contact me and constantly fight.. well he has already blocked my number so I guess he has done me a favour

stargazer 68

Surfgirl24 wrote: »

It's me most of the times, he would make contact if he feels like I am angry at him then he would contact me and constantly fight.. well he has already blocked my number so I guess he has done me a favour

You are letting him be in control though. What if he decides to unblock You? You are back to square run. Block his number or delete it all together from everything - phone, Facebook, emails everywhere.

Ursus Horribilis

OP, you were here a year ago about this relationship https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057696195 You were given loads and loads of good information at the time. You clearly didn't pay a blind bit of notice to it at the time. So why did you start the thread? Do you genuinely want to end this for once and for all? Or are you only playing at it until this all kicks off again?

If you genuinely want to leave this relationship and get out of the toxic cycle, I strongly recommend you seek outside help. Call Women's Aid for a chat. Look into getting counselling for yourself. This ex of yours is vile and has clearly done you an awful lot of psychological damage. I think this is far beyond what your average boards member can do for you. You know that you'll go back to him for yet more crap given half a chance.

Surfgirl24

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

OP, you were here a year ago about this relationship https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057696195 You were given loads and loads of good information at the time. You clearly didn't pay a blind bit of notice to it at the time. So why did you start the thread? Do you genuinely want to end this for once and for all? Or are you only playing at it until this all kicks off again?

Yes I was here a year ago, and knowing that makes me feel even worse I know if I had listened back then I would be in a completely place right now but I didn't, i kept getting sucked back in by him by someone who would drop me without a care. Genuinely looking out of this, just looking for a bit of help. And I'm not looking for people to make me feel even worse. It's hard you've no idea I wish I had listened a year ago and now I wouldn't be in the EXACT same situation a year later!!!

Surfgirl24

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Are you able to afford counselling?

Not at the moment, not until next months pay

Ursus Horribilis

OK. So ring Women's Aid which won't cost you anything.

And secondly, as has already been mentioned. Block this guy on everything you can possibly block him on. Your phone, your social media, your email etc. I can't emphasise enough how much you need do this. By doing that, you're taking some control back into your own hands. You'll also make it a little bit harder for him to make contact with you. I know that's easier said than done but if you can find the courage, it'll be a significant small step. You badly need counselling though.

bp

Until you decide its over it will never end. You need to block and delete him. Him doing it to you leaves the door open for him to come back. Seek counselling, join a new group (anything - GAA, hiking, art whatever) to get a new social outlet. Get a new hair do and something to wear that has no connection to him. Only you can move on, and I really hope this is the time it happens

Sephiroth_dude

Block and delete and get some counselling for yourself.

dudara

Duplicate threads on the same topic merged

dudara

Bambi985

Surfgirl24 wrote: »

Yes I was here a year ago, and knowing that makes me feel even worse I know if I had listened back then I would be in a completely place right now but I didn't,

Well then now is your chance OP. A year later and you're still stuck in this rut. Don't waste another year on him. Now or never.

And believe me I have every idea how hard it is. I'm a few months out of a relationship myself and I'm still struggling through the days, convincing myself of reasons why I shouldn't get in touch with him. And these repeat threads of people that come back months later, years later having discarded all sensible advice and are still diving through the same destructive loops and getting nowhere are at the forefront of my mind tbh. As harsh as that sounds. I don't want to be miserable repeating the same negative patterns and getting nowhere in life. Neither do you.

So cut the crap and do what you need to do. I know your self-esteem is low but you are still an adult who is responsible for your actions. Pick up the phone and sign up for counselling, confide in a friend or family member, do what it takes. It's over to you now. No-one here can do the work for you. Otherwise you'll be back here in a year's time in the exact same nightmare and it will be even harder to walk away.

WIZWEB

I agree with the other posters OP. Also seek a counsellor/ therapist specializing in trauma bonding. This to coincide with women's aid advice contact. This isn't to get at you but you are addicted to this toxic drama. Like any addiction you need a total withdrawal and complete avoidance from engaging in what is harming you (him). Otherwise your mental health will consider to suffer until you are pushed too far. No Contact is the first step to healing.

Willow30

Feel for you I've been here. So...trust me stay away..easier said than done i know..but time will make you stronger. If you don't another year on and you'll feel like crap!!

You don't need money for counselling a lot of volunteers out there to help. You just need to make a donation. If there is a local enterprise centre that's your best bet.

Good luck