Life after Harassment

LegacyUser

I posted last year about harassment I was getting from a married guy who lived near me. The harassment ended when a work colleague of mine told him to cop or the Gardai would get involved. It worked and I haven’t had harassment since.

However, now that the dust has settled I find myself very angry.

I opted out of local events etc to avoid embarrassment and now I feel I’m labeled the oddball and life continues as normal for them.

I feel I’ve given up too much by being silent and be this overwhelming urge to blow the whole thing wide open. There’s nothing to gain from this though inky more people hurt.

This couple would be seen as the ideal couple where I am a single woman who would be a runner in.

I’m angry at this guy but it would be the wife and children who bear the brunt and they have done nothing wrong. So I’ve kept silent and by doing so I’ve removed myself as a neighbour and they’ve remained the pillars of the community.

Not sure how this reads or if it even gets across what happens but I am very angry and confused over the whole thing.

Thanks for reading.

zoobizoo

I can understand your anger

It's an injustice to you.

Just go to all those events you would like to go to.

Take back your power. You can be in control of the situation.

Big Bag of Chips

I assume you live in an area where a lot of people know each other. If this fella was hassling you, people will know that. If your work colleague had to tell him back off people will know that. He may well have a name for himself around the place. If the neighbours don't know he was hassling you, then they won't know anything went on, so won't have an impression of you one way or another. Also the thing about neighbourhoods is, there's always someone to talk about! So while you may have been the news a while back, it's soon forgotten, especially if you carry on your business with your head held high.

If there are things you want to involve yourself in, get involved. I completely understand your apprehension, but I also think a lot of what you are feeling is your own perception. So what if you're the single blow in?! You won't be the only one. And that won't make any difference to anyone if you're involved in groups and helping out etc.

You have every right to be angry at this. But don't think people see him as the pillar of society that you think. I'd say a sizeable portion of them have him figured out. But, in small areas people tend to just get on with their own business and let others get on with theirs. They might talk to him and interact down the pub/at clubs, but that doesn't mean they're friends or respect him above others.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the mails.

I can say that none of the neighbors know(they are neighbors so live on the road ) . It’s a small area so everyone would have been close as moved in within a couple of years of each other and would have went for meals out, etc. What people will be aware is is that we fell out, but not over what exactly . The wife does not even fully know why ...I reckon she thinks I came onto the husband.

As they live in my road I see them a fair bit and can’t avoid them

It’s a commuter town and most people are commuters so the people in my work miles away don’t know him from Adam, another friend in work has a friend originally from my town and knew him growing up ( as is the guy) and that girl was not really surprised at the carry on as she felt he was a bit of a sleaze back in the day. None of the people on my road know this, they think(as did I) that he was a bit messy with drink, but harmless. The sleazy harassment incidents I got were drink related and he was very sorry when sober, but they just kept repeating so that’s not an excuse.

It’s over a year ago and I’m not sure why it’s hitting me now, I feel I’m the one keeping the silence and looking like the bad guy. In fact I know it.

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Big Bag of Chips

But you don't know anything. You think you know what other people are thinking. Chances are they're not thinking a whole lot! I would be incredibly surprised if you're the only person who has seen or been subjected to this side of him. You say it happened when he had drink taken and would be apologetic afterwards. He's probably done similar to other people in your group too. If he had that little control over himself then he wouldn't have been selective about who he targetted. His wife will know him better than most and while she might turn a blind eye or pretend not to notice, she'll know what he's like.

I don't mean to disregard you, but people in your situation, or anyone who sees a certain side to a person often feels like thet are the only ones who can see it. You're not! The group might still hang around together but it doesn't mean thatthey all think he's the bees knees! There's an age where "a bit messy with drink" stops being an acceptable excuse, and that age is about 20! Anyone older than that has very little time for a fella who gets a bit messy with drink and can't keep his thoughts/hands to himself. So he might be in the group by default rather than a strong desire by the others to have him there.

If the group have stopped including you in things it's not because they're siding with him, it's because you've stopped going to things.