Anxiety and work

Adefdrf

Hi. I am a 35 year old male. I have had anxiety and bouts of depression since I was a child. It seemed to get worse when I was a teenager and young adult. That's when I discovered that alcohol would suppress it in the short term. I found myself in trouble with gardai due to drinking. I would be very sensitive to what other people say about me, so when people would bring up the trouble I was in and call me negative things it would really affect me. I would think to myself I'm not like that sober. I felt really ashamed of myself and would rarely leave the house.

When I was 19 I met a girl and moved to her hometown. I was working full time, had a house, a car and earning good money on building sites. I still had anxiety but I was working so much that it was controllable.

But then the recession happened and work dried up and by 2010 there was absolutely no work. My relationship broke down and I ended up in debt. I found myself back living in my home house. My anxiety and depression was at a all time high, so I began drinking heavily again. My mother persuaded me to go to the doctors and that was the first time I started medication. My self destructive behaviour continued and I drank on the medication and once again I found myself in trouble again.

I am sure most people would have forgotten about my behaviour as a teenager if I had of shown I had changed but here I was repeating the same actions. I rarely left the house again.

I have worked sporadically over the past few years but I have spent so much time on my own I find it very hard to hold conversations. I know that I come across as rude or weird. I feel I have been let go from these jobs because of that. Working on building sites is not a place where you would discuss your mental health.

I have not drank in over a year and I am taking my medication correctly. But because of my behaviour drinking when I'm out of the house, if I say hello to someone they ignore me and I don't know or remember why. I live in a large town but I feel like a social leper. It has got to the stage that I don't say hello to anybody. It's really getting to me. I need to get in full time employment again. Rebuild my confidence. Rebuild my life.

I know that drink has ruined my reputation and I'm not trying to make excuses.

Does anybody have any advice because I see no way out other than the easy way out.

Plopsu

Have you tried apporaching people you think you may have wronged and explaining all that to them? If you've really p*ssed them off, don't expect instant forgiveness but it's a way to start rebuilding.

LegacyUser

Have you thought about moving to a new town? Sometimes a fresh start, where people don't know your past, can help you begin rebuilding your life. Ireland's a small place and tbh people don't forget easily and it can be hard to escape who you were. I found it helped me a lot, as did friends of mine who like yourself, wanted to start over, or change old habits and not get dragged back into old behaviours which can be all too easy to do when there is negativity around you and old memories.

oreoexpress

That sounds like a really hard time you are going through. You made the correct step in going to the doctor to discuss these issues, as that can be such an intimidating thing to do. It sounds to me like going to see some one to talk through some of these issues might be a positive step of action to take next. Your GP should be able to refer you to a counsellor with whom you can voice some of these issues. Just having someone to listen can be a relief and help you to offload and help you come up with a plan of action to help you to feel less isolated.