Left puzzled.....have I been ghosted??

stop animal cruelty

My dilemma.

Matched with this guy for the 3rd time on Tinder (have been on and off over the last 2 years) during Christmas. We have talked before on it...but he ended up not writing back for a while (for an understandable reason at the time, I didn't know)... to which I just didn't bother writing back. I didn't see the point after he left it for so long.

Anyway, as soon as we matched he asked me out for coffee straight away...to my delight cause I really fancy him and he came across as a nice guy!!

We texted everyday for about 8 days, and eventually met up. We ended up going for a drink, had a good time(school night no one got drunk)....and I felt like there was chemisty. We seemed to have a good few things in common, same sense of humour .....I felt like it would def led to a second date basically. I really enjoyed it.

The night ended with, I must admit...a great snog Ha! We agreed we would meet again, the following week. No solid plan was made cause we weren't sure of our schedules. That was fine.

Next day he texted...we just spoke generally, nothing was mentioned about the date or meeting up again.

Anyway, few days later l was going to be in his town that night so I texted him asking if he wanted to meet up. He asked what time, I said around 9.15pm but the next day would act suit me better...but if it didn't suit him l could still meet him that night! The weather was bad and he said if I wanted to leave it, it would be alright and that he didn't want me driving home late. Fine.

He went on to say he was very busy at work, was on day/nights for the next 3 or so days. I said look we'll leave tonight as the weather was bad and that we'll leave/arrange to meet up another time, with a smiley face, in case I came across bitchy which I wasn't!

He replied with the thumps up.....have heard nothing since...that was a week ago.

Maybe I'm being stupid. Maybe I'm over reacting. I don't know!! Maybe he just doesn't like me?! But I know I really liked him, and I am 99.9% I didn't come across too eager.

I feel like the ball was left in his court. I wasn't going to ask him again of he could meet when he's so busy....I thought he would get in contact when he was free. This has been a week ago.....and he seems to be online a lot...which obv has me thinking....Iv been ghosted.

I'm so puzzled over this. All the signs were there we were going to meet again and I never expected not to hear from him. I'll admit I am gutted.

So what's yer thoughts fellow boardies?? Have I been ghosted? Should I text him?....even tho I really feel the ball is with him....or am I just being me and over analysing everything??

Just to ad, he's told me before of 2 girls that were obsessed with him and wouldnt leave him alone for a while, and he didn't even go out with them. Which is another reason why Iv left the ball in his court.

Mokuba

The way the game is set up in modern life is very non committal.

Maybe he didn't like you as much as you did him. Maybe he got a date with someone else and pursued them. Maybe an ex is still in the picture.

I'd cut back on the reams of texts before the first meeting too. Just my opinion. Sort of kills any mystery, creates awkwardness and often makes one side feel like they have jumped too deep too fast.

Doesn't really matter anyway. The fact is this -

If he wanted to talk/arrange a new date he would have.

I'm sorry for being so blunt but I'd move on. If there is one thing the world isn't short of its men looking for a woman. Chin up.

woodchuck

Yeah I have to agree, if he really wanted to organise another date, he would have by now. Sorry but it just sounds like you're more into him than he's into you.

Bambi985

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

We have talked before on it...but he ended up not writing back for a while (for an understandable reason at the time, I didn't know)... to which I just didn't bother writing back. I didn't see the point after he left it for so long.

Seems like you've been knocking at this door for a while and it's probably best to let him go at this point. He's got your number, if he was bothered he'd use it. It's a pretty general rule but I've found no matter what's going on in a guy's life, if he's interested he won't leave it too long before getting in touch.

stop animal cruelty

I never mentioned, when last texting him he did say he could meet me after work one night after saying he was very busy....but he wasn't too sure. And that's when I said leave it for another time.

I'm asking myself did I just mess up there? But then again...yes he does have my number...I see him online alot of the time...and he can text me, if he really wanted.

It's just **** that it's turned this way all of a sudden, with no warning.

spindex

Why not text him ? If he blanks you or declines your offer at least you know for sure.

Mokuba

It was one date. I think you are a little over-invested. Again not to sound harsh because I do sympathise with you.

Hence the problem with all the texting - you have formed a virtual connection with someone you hadn't even met. Thus your one date actually feels like something more when it shouldn't.

Stop second guessing yourself, or that you didn't phrase something in the most perfect way.

If I was head over heels with someone and there was a little confusion or things were left unclear - I wouldn't be long clearing them up. Not to say I wouldn't try to play it a little bit cool, but no contact for a week = write it off and move onwards and upwards.

blairbear

Ah OP, any guy who is telling another girl of women previously "obsessed with him" would have my alarm bells ringing. I've never met a decent bloke who goes around regaling people of how desirable he is to all and sundry.

I don't think you did anything wrong. It's very hard to mess up something that is meant to be at this early stage. For whatever reason, the chemistry was off for him. You'll be over it in a week, honestly. It's no reflection on you.

Mr. Incognito

Welcome to modern dating apps

People are disposable.

Hes probably off on a date with someone else.

People hop around and snog around these days.

Men dont get attached too quickly or easily I'm afraid

Chalk it off.

Rekop dog

You weren't ghosted. Only if you text him and he doesn't reply does it become a ghosting. You said "we'll" arrange another time, not that he has to.

I mean the overwhelming likelihood is that he isn't that into you and him not contacting you is more than enough of a hint. But I don't think he's been rude considering you only met him once. Were you to contact him again and he ignored you that would be rude.

stop animal cruelty

Thanks to everyone who replied, it really helps getting an outsider opinion.

I get what yer all saying. I should move on and forget about him. I clearly liked him more. I just genuinely thought he was into me and was up for meeting. Whatever the reason is, it's kinda frustrating been left hanging.

I do find myself wondering what if he's waiting for me to text and arrange....but I have made it clear I was interested in meeting again.

Like one poster said, il be over this next week! And Mr. Incognito ...your comment how people are nowadays disposable really stuck out....its so sad cause it's true. I feel like that's what dating is nowadays....getting rid of...moving on to another etc.

Dating is just ****.

Colonel_McCoy

I would just ring him and ask him out.

cailin.

There's no point in wrecking your own head about why he's not replying. He may just genuinely be busy. Noticing things like how often he's online etc, after one date is a sign that you are a little over invested as others have mentioned. This isn't a reflection on you by the way, what you are describing is common in the online dating world.

Take a step back, and explore other options. After one date, he doesn't owe you an excuse as to why he isn't replying. Yes, it would be nice to know where you stand, but men generally don't tend to overthink these situations in the way us women do.
Organise another date with someone, and keep doing your thing.

loconnor1001

Personally I would send a message asking if he wants to meet up. I don’t feel like the ball was left in his court if he offered to meet up another night and you said to leave it for another time? Maybe he feels like the ball is in your court! If he blanks you after texting him then you’ll know, but the way you describe it makes it seem like you would have rearranged if you were interested,he might think you’re being petty cause you said to leave it for another time

loconnor1001

Personally I would send a message asking if he wants to meet up. I don’t feel like the ball was left in his court if he offered to meet up another night and you said to leave it for another time? Maybe he feels like the ball is in your court! If he blanks you after texting him then you’ll know, but the way you describe it makes it seem like you would have rearranged if you were interested,he might think you’re being petty cause you said to leave it for another time

stop animal cruelty

loconnor1001 wrote:

Personally I would send a message asking if he wants to meet up. I don’t feel like the ball was left in his court if he offered to meet up another night and you said to leave it for another time? Maybe he feels like the ball is in your court! If he blanks you after texting him then you’ll know, but the way you describe it makes it seem like you would have rearranged if you were interested,he might think you’re being petty cause you said to leave it for another time

I put a smiley face in the message so I wouldn't come across petty or anything.

I thought with him being so busy that it would be better for him to text to arrange something, besides me always asking when can he meet up.

loconnor1001

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I put a smiley face in the message so I wouldn't come across petty or anything.

I thought with him being so busy that it would be better for him to text to arrange something, besides me always asking when can he meet up.

I’d just always be wondering if I didn’t! I just don’t see an issue with sending a text in case he thought you would contact him being that you said that ye should leave it for another time. If you don’t text him you might not hear from him again, it might be the same result if you do, but what harm? At least you’ll know either way. I’d go for it anyway! 😀 Just seems like the way it was left both of you could be left scratching your heads over a miscommunication for no reason.

Scraggs

Tbh I would just leave it. If it's the third time you've matched with him in two years and have only managed one date neither of you seem too pushed. A red flag for me would be that he said his previous dates were obsessed with him.... what adult even says a thing like that!?

stop animal cruelty

Scraggs wrote:

Tbh I would just leave it. If it's the third time you've matched with him in two years and have only managed one date neither of you seem too pushed. A red flag for me would be that he said his previous dates were obsessed with him.... what adult even says a thing like that!?

We were talking about disaster dates....and these 2 just wouldn't leave him alone. I didn't the impression he was full of himself saying it...think he was just saying how desperate they were which is obv a big turn off.

miamee

Or maybe he was a bit wishy washy with them too and they texted him a few times to ask what the story was? You just never know.

If it's really bothering you, I'd just text to ask him to meet up. If his answer is anything other than "Yes, when are you free" then it's a No. He may dress it up as 'busy at work', 'my pet is ill', 'I have so many other things on', etc. but that's still a no. I'd leave it be at that point.

stop animal cruelty

I think I'm gonna leave it.

I think he knows I like him...as I did try arrange to meet up again. Deep down I do feel that I like him more than he likes me. I would feel like an eejet if I texted him again really, and I don't want to come across desperate....he was a nice guy, it's a shame. But I really don't want to be wrecking my head anymore over this.

stop animal cruelty

I gave in and messaged him. I just thought fuk it....if he thinks I'm desperate I can't do anything about it. I don't wanna leave things tangled...il know my answer...and whatever it is will be fine!

Indecisive is my middle name.

Ursus Horribilis

At least you'll know were you stand after that text. If he's genuinely interested in seeing you again, he will be delighted to see the text come in. It's only when you get texts from people you'd rather not hear from that they become an unwelcome intrusion.

stop animal cruelty

Well ended up meeting tonight! Another date planned for Saturday so ya....glad l gave in in the end l guess!

loconnor1001

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Well ended up meeting tonight! Another date planned for Saturday so ya....glad l gave in in the end l guess!

Yay! Good for you 😀