Is making friends in college any easier?

tinabelcher99

Sorry to sound so miserable here, but I'm doing my Leaving this year & have no real friends. I was bullied a lot in first year until transition year & lost my best friends from primary in the process. It made my social anxiety really bad & I pretty much avoided people as best I could for years. I started to get over it towards the end of transition year with work experience & I got a real job. I even had a boyfriend for a few months in 5th year. I managed to make friends with 3 exchange students in 5th year, who I still talk to everyday. I seem to gel well with people that don't know me from my school/village.

In school I'm pretty much an outcast. I'm friendly with a few people in my year, but they rarely text me outside school. Because of my past behaviour & the fact I generally get the top results in most of my classes, I have a reputation for being arrogant/antisocial/weirdo. I feel like this stops people in my year from being anything more than acquaintances. Will it be any easier for me in college, seeing as it is a fresh start?

GingerLily

Lot of people who don't fit in in school make tonnes of friends in college. You'll need to put yourself out there and join club and socs but there is not reason which you won't love your social life in college.

There are so many people starting college that are in the exact same situation as you, you just have to find them!!

woodchuck

Yes, from my experience it was much easier to make friends in college than in school!

In college, you're with a group of like-minded people and at the very least, you have one thing in common - the course you picked! And then if you want to join particular clubs, there's more people you have something in common with. Also getting good marks is not frowned upon college, if anything it's the opposite.

School can be a tough time because it's such a mish-mash of different people and it can be hard to shake whatever image people have of you as a kid. So definitely treat college as a fresh start. Just make sure to make the most of it and don't be shy about talking to new people!

baby and crumble

My key bits of advice to you, OP, would be to remember that pretty much everyone will be in the same boat as you- going to college is scary and exciting and lonely, most people are away fromtheir friends for the first time so everyone is open to making new friends. Secondly, join a society for an interest you have. It was the best thing I ever did, for some reason I didn't make lots of friends from my college course but 20 years later some of my best mates are from society stuff. You're not guarenteed those in your course will have the same interests as you (in particular if you do a somewhat "generic" course like Arts or Science) but people in societies tend to be passionate about their interests.

blackbird 49

My son would of been the same as you, bullied in primary, secondary was okay for him, he got through it, i was always worrying about him, and wondering how college was going to be, First year at college he made a few friends but they did'nt live near him, so he would spend nearly every evening sitting in his room, second year was beginning to look the same, i said maybe join a few societies, which he decided he would, he now in his third year and i cannot believe he is the same person, a good bunch of friends, goes on trips away with the societies, this year he asked could he move into digs, he even started going out with a girl a few months ago, hopefully college will be good for you, but as others have said, join societies that have an interest for you, Good luck in your Leaving Cert, and hopefully all will work out,

BeardySi

Yes, much easier.

In uni you're with people who are on the same page as you. You have some common interest and are all sharing a new experience together. You get a chance to leave your childhood and adolescent baggage behind and get a fresh start.

Your story echoes somewhat with me as round about 15 I realised most of my peer group weren't really my friends, just people I hung out with and wanted to impress. I was the butt of jokes and a figure of ridicule. A change of attitude caused by the realisation helped in the later years, but I think I carried about three really good friends forward from school - everyone else (my wife included) I met while in my two stints in uni.

MartyMcFly84

Yes way way easier.

You find any time people are but in a new scenario or place they are open to meeting people, and bond much quicker. You will meet people from very different walks of life than school, and will likely find people with very similar interests to yourself.

Again if you ever go on Erasmus or live abroad in a few years. Same thing expats are really open to meeting new people because everyone is in the same position. Personally I found I made very close friendships in a short period of time. People i knew only a couple years were closer to me than some that I had known for much of my life.

Ave Sodalis

Just to echo what others have said, it's far easier to make friends in college. It's considerably less cliquey. In my own experience, although our entire class wouldn't be one massive group of close friends, it wouldn't be odd to go grab lunch with any of them. I had two "friends" in secondary school. I wasn't very good at making friends, and I'm still not. First year or two, I mostly hung out with my housemates but realized they weren't similar to me at all so I started hanging out more with people in my course who I'm still friends with. It was really that easy, and I have social anxiety. My boyfriend and a few other friends I met through a sports club. College is very much a social place. Just about everyone there is open to making friends and meeting people.

Contessa Raven

I would have been in a similar situation in school. I had two or three friends but they were in the year below me so I didn't see them much at school. When I went to college, I was pretty much friends with everyone in my year. Still really good friends with a large group of them too 12 years later.

It's easier in college because you all want to be there doing that course. No one is forcing you. That's the one thing you will definitely have in common with your classmates. I find most people are open to chatting when you go to college. It's all about broadening horizons and meeting new people.

Samuel T. Cogley

Much much easier and less of a culture of 'fitting in'. Honestly I can say, and I had a fairly good secondary school experience, never was there a bigger bunch of *****. I was 30+ when I went to college and people went out of their way to help me make friends. Everyone is just that bit more mature, well almost everyone.

tinabelcher99

Thank you for all your replies, you have all reassured me

neonsofa

tinabelcher99 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies, you have all reassured me

Best of luck with it all, a nice new start for you

21Savage

Yeah, I'm not the most sociable person(I am talkative bus distant) but even I was able to get to know my year in UCD very well. It does depend though on the modules you're studying. Smaller classes and societies are key. Don't procrastinate. Get going ASAP, if you get into a habit of not making an effort it will set in after a while.

Also, try to drop the I was unpopular in school narrative. It's part of you and your growth but don't define yourself by it.