flatmate caught me snooping

LegacyUser

Bit of a silly one, not to mention embarrassing.

this morning i heard the doorbell go as i was showering before work, came out of the bathroom and saw a bunch of shopping bags all over the sitting room floor. curiousity got the better of me and i started looking into the bags - my flatmate had obviously just done an online shop so they were just full of groceries mainly. i assumed she had gone to work and had a good aul rake through them, purely out of curiosity, only for her to emerge from the bedroom wondering what the hell i was up to.

i apologised and basically told her i was being nosy, but now im mortified that she thinks i was about to steal her stuff or something! really don't want to fracture the trust between us - i only moved in a month ago. any advice on how to handle?

Neyite

Oh dear.

Could you say you assumed it had been delivered while she was at work and you were just checking that there was no meat/ frozen stuff that needed to be put away immediately for her?

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tomwaterford

Why bother snooping??


Its none of your business to look into/root through this stuff,if it's not yours

All you can do is apologise and hope they forgive,

but if twas me,I'd be having nothing to do with yous in the house...but I place an abnormal value on privacy

Mr. Incognito

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why bother snooping??


Its none of your business to look into/root through this stuff,if it's not yours

All you can do is apologise and hope they forgive,

but if twas me,I'd be having nothing to do with yous in the house...but I place an abnormal value on privacy

Then get your own house?

King of Kings

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why bother snooping??


Its none of your business to look into/root through this stuff,if it's not yours

All you can do is apologise and hope they forgive,

but if twas me,I'd be having nothing to do with yous in the house...but I place an abnormal value on privacy

posters like you make me laugh with your piety.
The morality of snooping isn't the issue that horse has bolted. The Op asked how to handle the result of that

But oh no ....pious tom just cannot resist the morally superior put down...you should be called captain fcukin obvious.


OP -
not much you can do... Since you've apologised , I'd carry on as normal and hopefully it's not an issue.
not much you can do...over apologising will make it look like you have something to hide.

kerryjack

The title drew me in to this one, I tought you might be a male going through your female flatmates Landry basket or something . I won't worry about that OP people have been found in bigger jams than that.

Tenigate

I'd like to say "that's not normal behaviour" but given the amount of PI threads that begin with "don't judge me but i picked up my bf's phone and went through all his messages..."

You say you're mortified she might think you were trying to steal her stuff. I think the real issues are (1) you invaded her privacy, (2) you think the only problem is you got caught and (3) you're trying to minimise it by setting up a strawman (accusation of theft)

Neyite

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why bother snooping??


Its none of your business to look into/root through this stuff,if it's not yours

All you can do is apologise and hope they forgive,

but if twas me,I'd be having nothing to do with yous in the house...but I place an abnormal value on privacy

It's groceries. The same ones you put in a mesh trolley, on a conveyor belt and gets scanned piece by piece by a bored retail worker. Often bagged by a nosy charity collector too. Hardly 'private'.

It's a bit embarrassing to get caught, but the OP was not opening mail or snooping in the flatmates room. They had a peek in a couple of bags of groceries.

It's acceptable to sometimes look at stuff in communal areas or move other people's stuff. Very often when I was sharing with people and you'd get a whiff of something smelly, I'd investigate fridge shelves or presses that belong to my flatmate who's not been around for a week. A quick text to say you chucked out their smelly ham/chicken/ milk or put their stinky runners in their room is fine and I'd be fine with them doing it for my stuff. If I got a grocery delivery while I was out, (which the OP genuinely thought the flatmate was) I'd be grateful to her for putting away my perishables on my behalf.

LegacyUser

thanks for the responses guys, it seemed to be fine in the end. came home last night and she was in good form, full of the chats & it actually didnt even come up. i was fully prepared to apologise again but in the moment it didnt feel necessary so i didnt bother. if it comes up again i certainly will. she's a nice girl & i wouldnt want her to feel uncomfortable or violated or anything.

i know its a weird thing to do but there was no intention behind it other than nosiness and just "wtf is there a load of bags and milk cartons in the sitting room?" as i fully thought my flatmate had left for work. no thought process further than that

zoobizoo

Sure I've found out that housemates had been shagging in my bed..... . As i found their undergarments under it.....


So on the scale of bad things to do to your house mates, having a goo in shopping bags is not that bad.

never_mind

Ah OP, whatever... you are more than likely going to move on at some point and so will they. They will forget about it and so will you. Maybe in a few weeks time make a bit of a joke about it and say jesus I don't know what came over me! I'm scarleh!

Lux23

I would have probably done the same just like I used to when my parents came home with the shopping when I was a kid.

bertsmom

I'm laughing here as the exact same thing happened me years and years ago but I was the one who happened to walk in and find my housemate snooping. I had come back from my homeplace and had my weekend bag and some bits and bobs my mam had given me for myself food and hot water bottle and stuff left down in the hallway while I popped out the back to peg my uniform blouse on the clothesline.
When I came back into the kitchen I could clearly see her poking through my bags in the hall! The look of horror on her face when I asked her what she was doing is priceless now but at the time it was so irritating and intrusive to find the idiot at my belongings. There were four of us in the house and to be honest the other 3 of us had very little to do with her as she was just a bit of a pain in the ass anyway.
Op I would apologise and not just brush it under the carpet as it is quite an intrusive and busybody type thing to do and I wouldn't give it much thought after that if you are generally a sound housemate but do not do something like this again it's just a horrible trait in a housemate.

Big Bag of Chips

There's a big difference between going through somebody's bags who are back after a weekend and going through a few bags of groceries.

OP, if I brought home my shopping and found one of my housemates having a nose it wouldn't be something that would bother me for too long. As someone else said the stuff was going to be put on display in the kitchen for all to see anyway. Thankfully your housemate seems to be of the same mind and not one to cause a fuss over a very minor non-issue.

bertsmom

I disagree I don't think it matters what it is. If it's not yours leave it alone full stop. I don't think it makes any difference whether it's groceries or laundry! I think in your own home your entitled to privacy. Personally I'd be giving anyone I found nosy a wide berth.
I do know that I am a very private and I definitely have my faults but nosiness is not one.
OP I am not for a minute trying to make out you are a bad person or a nasty housemate but defiantly reign in the nosiness.

qwerty13

Are you normally curious / nosey / gossipy OP? If yes, then take this as a big lesson to cop on to yourself. You were caught rapid, and there are no extenuating circumstances. Granted, it’s hardly the worst crime in the world, but I’d be well pissed off if someone did that - especially a v new house share.

mcgrath1992

i brought home food shopping once and i had set it down on the table before popping outside for a smoke. When i came back i found my flatmate peeping into the bags. To this day i still laugh at the look of embarresment on her face. She kept apologizing but i said "chill out girl relax it's just a bag of food its not a big deal" and thought nothing else of it. In my opinion its not a big deal if it was groceries as it would be seen anyway heck its not even a tiny deal so it didn't bother me one bit. If it was clothes , something for myself or gifts sure it would bother me just a little but not to the point of giving her the silent treatment. So op dont make too much out of it as food is just food but try to cool the curiosity a little anyway and you will be grand seems like she doesn't seem bothered by it anyway