Is Tinder worth it..?

LegacyUser

I've been single for over a year now and I'm beginning to feel like I would really like a partner in my life. I've been in 2 serious long term relationships and dated a few people. The last guy I dated was from Tinder last year. We hit it off at first and ended up seeing each other for over a month. Then all of the sudden after he left me off home one day he never texted me and deleted me from his matches. I also figured out he was still using the app even when we were seeing each other so that was another blow. This has happened to lots of my friends as well where they were dating a guy and he just ghosted or completely lost interest out of the blue. This is what really puts me off it but I feel like its my only option for the dating game.

My main question is, has anyone ever had a positive experience with this dating app? what is everyones opinion on it regarding actually finding a partner? should I give it another go or is it only suitable for casual relationships?..

21Savage

I think it's deeply flawed and it's rendered human dating to pretty much a cattle mart. I match with a lot of hotties that if I met on a night out or work and they liked me I'd be delighted but on Tinder it's just like 'next, next, next'. I met one girl off it years ago now. It was a right place right time for me, I'd be hesitant to do it in Ireland. Going into town would feel weird, with the girl I met we just got hammered and went to house parties(great fun) Didn't end great but 4 years on we reconciled our differences and are buds albeit long distance.
So for me as a pretty photogenic but shy guy it's probably my best way to meet a girl but at this moment in time highly unlikely.

KrustyUCC

Am going out with a girl 3 years after originally meeting on Tinder

I was at a wedding just before Christmas where the couple met on POF

Like anything online dating has it's success stories and it's horror stories

Some use online dating for casual hookups, some for dating and some with the intention of a relationship

I find meetup.com great for meeting people who you share a common interest with whether that be soccer, photography, hiking, cinema nights out or singles groups

I'm sure you could find a group that suits you OP and there have been relationships develop from meetup groups as well

One couple I know who are now engaged met at a meetup group in Cork

Whilst I know the previous experience was a poor one OP don't let those particular people put you off all the people on online dating sites

Who knows the next match might lead to a date where you really hit it off with the person and it's mutual

Katgurl

Yeah living with my partner, baby on the way after meeting on tinder a year ago.

I had to date a lot of 🸠though...

One thing I always was was upfront though. I always said I wasn't looking for casual hookups. Set your own standards and stick to them. I think sometimes they think you say that but will change your mind (I didn't). Some guys finished with me after one or two dates saying something like "listen you're great but I feel I should be upfront with you. I'm definitely not looking for a relationship." That just weeded out the unsuitable guys for me early on and I never experienced any of the horror stories I hear about like spending three months together then being ghosted. I also met loads of guys who were very nice but I wasn't feeling it so it goes both ways.

I think be open, be clear and most of all be nice. The flip side of girls saying they get treated badly and because there is that expectation there then they think they can behave badly to all or bitterly and suspiciously of all men.

It's supposed to be fun. And remember it is just a vehicle to meet people. Once you meet them, let the getting to know each other happen organically. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have such a connection online that you are in a relationship straightaway. Get to know him slowly, see if he's for you and see if you're for him. Don't waste time worrying about what he thinks of you.

I would give it a go but be patient and don't discount meeting people through other channels at the same time.

Jasper_

Does a guy you meet at the bar not have the same likelihood of ghosting you after three months? I would think so.

LolaJJ

Don't give up OP!

2 Years bouncing on and off from Tinder, to POF and Bumble....I actually came to a realisation that online dating had ruined men and I would rather be single than put up with their nonsense.

But then I gave Tinder one last chance and met the most amazing guy who actually wanted a relationship (GASP) but is also incredibly kind, thoughtful and fun.

I think Tinder is 80% populated by guys (and girls!!) who are still getting over a break up, not supposed to be on tinder, afraid of commitment, looking for validation etc etc.....

So, you have to hold out for that 20%! But there is good people on it, just be patient and don't give up.

Best of luck x

Lollipops23

Man I don't miss the online dating scene.

I went on plenty of dates off it, never really evolved into anything.

Until it did! 2.5 years later and I'm pretty happy I resisted the urge to delete tinder!

SusieBlue

I met my boyfriend of 3 years on it. We're living together the last year or so and its been amazing. The best relationship I've ever been in. Don't give up!

beefburrito

I get plenty matches on Tinder but I'm at a stage where I'm so content being single a date or the whole intrigue is a pain in the head.
Give me a warm fire and warm company just to relax and enjoy the atmosphere.
Nice nibbly bits dvd or music.

I'm looking for a woman who's settled in herself and able to stand up and hold her own, attractive empathetic and has a life outside of pubs clubs and restaurants they can't even afford to go to themselves lol yes it's true....
Most I met off Tinder or POF in the past were stunning looking but weren't living within their means, absolutely broke driving car's they can't afford,dumped the exe husband because he lost his job and expected some other tosser to prop them up with a similar lifestyle.

In between I met nice genuine women too,but they usually live too far away or were looking for the marriage and kids etc.
I'm 40 my boy's 17,been there done that.

Going back to Tinder, it's ok but Bumble is more classsy...

Jurgen Klopp

LolaJJ wrote: »

Don't give up OP!

2 Years bouncing on and off from Tinder, to POF and Bumble....I actually came to a realisation that online dating had ruined men and I would rather be single than put up with their nonsense.

But then I gave Tinder one last chance and met the most amazing guy who actually wanted a relationship (GASP) but is also incredibly kind, thoughtful and fun.

I think Tinder is 80% populated by guys (and girls!!) who are still getting over a break up, not supposed to be on tinder, afraid of commitment, looking for validation etc etc.....

So, you have to hold out for that 20%! But there is good people on it, just be patient and don't give up.

Best of luck x

I think your right there Lola completely.

I'd wager a good 95% of people under 30 I know have met their OHs still in pubs, house parties or through friends or different social setting like groups or sports

Now there are some grand men and women using online dating who are looking for relationship

But most fellas seem to be the type looking for just the ride, text buddies for the ego etc

You get women too only interested in ego boosts but not meeting up

As well as both sexes on there who are trying to get over an ex and end up head melting everyone they meet as well as the types who are so picky in real life with unrealistic expectations they think online will be their answer but it ends up with them sidelining everyone there too

As said, online does have some good people but you really need to take I'll be wading through a large pond of frogs before I may meet a prince

I would say online should only be used as a handy add on to trying to meet people in real life given its a way larger numbers game than real life. As in real life it's much easier to charm a man or woman compared to a few pics and texts back and fourth

Airyfairy12

I had a really bad experience with Tinder, I was on it for a couple of months but found the majority of men were only on it looking for sex, which is fine but its not my thing and not what I was looking for.
I had a few uncomfortable encounters with men id spoken to on Tinder, one time I caught some man staring at me on the street, I vaguely recognised the face but couldn't place him until it dawned on me he was a man id briefly chatted to on tinder, he stared at me and watched me walking up the street with a smirk on his face, I walked by him at this point unaware of our encounter on tinder feeling very uncomfortable and wondering to myself who was that weirdo?.
On another occasion a man called out my name as I walked past him, sniggered and said something to his mates about tinder. It was very uncomfortable, im not a 'flirty' sort of a person, id never met up with anyone from tinder but I felt almost slut shamed for being on it. Id never use it again.

I dont know anyone who's ever found 'the one' on tinder. What ive found is allot men looking for sex and project those intentions onto women who are also using the app. Its a not good way of meeting people imo.

Dial Hard

In fairness, AF, I think that may be your own anxiety issues coming to the forefront. I've been stopped on nights out a couple of times by guys who recognised me from POF/Tinder and we had a laugh about it and moved on. On one occasion a guy stopped me on my way out of a bar and went "Sorry, but are you *POF username*?" I had deleted.my profile that week so went "Well I used to be" and he turned around to his mates and went "It is her!" I left laughing at how small a world it is and felt absolutely no judgement or shame or anything of that ilk.

OP, the reality is that you get out of online dating pretty much exactly what you put in. If you go on expecting everyone to be time wasters and catfishes and whatnot then yes, you'll see plenty of that and may well think that's *all* that's there. And it's not, by a long shot. What I will say, though, is that it's not for the thin of skin or the overthinkers or the generally anxious/unconfident.

And the last thing I'll add is that for me, personally, one of the most offputting things a guy can put in his profile is "Will say we met in Tesco" or the like. It's so cowardly.

Lindy17

First off OP, it's a horrible feeling being ghosted so I hope you're doing okay since! I think a lot of people do use Tinder and it would probably be unfair to suggest that there are not people on the app who are genuinely looking for a relationship. Obviously there might be a lot more who treat it as a place to find a one night stand or a bit of a fling but there are also positive stories out there. I have a friend who met her boyfriend of four years using Plenty of Fish, and know a few couples who met on Tinder also.

If you're looking to find a relationship via Tinder I think you need to make your expectations clear. In the past I was afraid of how I would come across if I just said from the start 'I want a relationship,' but at least your cards are on the table. Otherwise you can end up having the what are we conversation three months down the line when you've invested time and feelings into it all! I do know a few of my friends who are lads are on Tinder and the majority don't use it as their only avenue to meet people so keep your options open

Bunny Colvin

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I had a really bad experience with Tinder, I was on it for a couple of months but found the majority of men were only on it looking for sex, which is fine but its not my thing and not what I was looking for.
I had a few uncomfortable encounters with men id spoken to on Tinder, one time I caught some man staring at me on the street, I vaguely recognised the face but couldn't place him until it dawned on me he was a man id briefly chatted to on tinder, he stared at me and watched me walking up the street with a smirk on his face, I walked by him at this point unaware of our encounter on tinder feeling very uncomfortable and wondering to myself who was that weirdo?.
On another occasion a man called out my name as I walked past him, sniggered and said something to his mates about tinder. It was very uncomfortable, im not a 'flirty' sort of a person, id never met up with anyone from tinder but I felt almost slut shamed for being on it. Id never use it again.

I dont know anyone who's ever found 'the one' on tinder. What ive found is allot men looking for sex and project those intentions onto women who are also using the app. Its a not good way of meeting people imo.

There's plenty of women looking for sex on it too and there's also men looking for relationships.

You could have met someone from a night out and they could have said the same thing to you on the street the next day.

Big Bag of Chips

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Thanks

Airyfairy12

Dial Hard wrote: »

In fairness, AF, I think that may be your own anxiety issues coming to the forefront.

Unless you were there I dont think its for you tell me (someone youve never met) that my experience was in my head! Delighted you had a good experience with tinder, I, unfortunately met a few weirdos so decided to delete the app.

Bambi985

It'll suit some but not most people, IME. Those most people being the ones who are there with intent and actually want to find something meaningful and aren't there for the ride or the ego massage.

My experience was that the people I met on it for the most part were nice, but they could never compete with the guys I met in my every day life who I would organically get to know through friends or work events or whatever and would become interested in in that old-fashioned way. That kind of familiarity and that lack of immediate pressure to judge someone as a potential romantic prospect within 5 seconds of meeting him just suits me a lot more than the swiping-generic chatting-pub date and rinse and repeat.

I got the sense that that was the case with a lot of the guys I met too. They can consider you less seriously because there's always someone to swipe on next and because you're so detached from their actual everyday life. You're just generic brunette lawyer or teacher from tinder, or whatever. Granted it was a few years back, but most dates tended to result in either them telling me how hot I was and trying for the ride at the end of the night and me rebuffing and never hearing from them again, or the "nice, but meh" thing on both sides.

solJ21

Bambi985 wrote: »

It'll suit some but not most people, IME. Those most people being the ones who are there with intent and actually want to find something meaningful and aren't there for the ride or the ego massage.

My experience was that the people I met on it for the most part were nice, but they could never compete with the guys I met in my every day life who I would organically get to know through friends or work events or whatever and would become interested in in that old-fashioned way. That kind of familiarity and that lack of immediate pressure to judge someone as a potential romantic prospect within 5 seconds of meeting him just suits me a lot more than the swiping-generic chatting-pub date and rinse and repeat.

I got the sense that that was the case with a lot of the guys I met too. They can consider you less seriously because there's always someone to swipe on next and because you're so detached from their actual everyday life. You're just generic brunette lawyer or teacher from tinder, or whatever. Granted it was a few years back, but most dates tended to result in either them telling me how hot I was and trying for the ride at the end of the night and me rebuffing and never hearing from them again, or the "nice, but meh" thing on both sides.

I can totally relate to bambi985. I suppose everyone has to decide for themselves whether the numbers game is worth it. For me personally head wreck is not wortn it if i have to meet 10-20 guys and MAYBE the final guy will be genuinely interested in something more serious.And that’s if I am lucky...
A friend of mine met over 100 guys in 3 year period and nothing resulted in anything that could resemble a relationship.I don’t mean to put a pessimistic touch to this, but this is also a reality, not only ‘happy endings’ with people who got married...

Nika Bolokov

solJ21 wrote: »

I can totally relate to bambi985. I suppose everyone has to decide for themselves whether the numbers game is worth it. For me personally head wreck is not wortn it if i have to meet 10-20 guys and MAYBE the final guy will be genuinely interested in something more serious.And that’s if I am lucky...
A friend of mine met over 100 guys in 3 year period and nothing resulted in anything that could resemble a relationship.I don’t mean to put a pessimistic touch to this, but this is also a reality, not only ‘happy endings’ with people who got married...

Jeez if you meet 100 guys and none of them are any good it may be you that's the problem.

solJ21

Nika Bolokov wrote: »

Jeez if you meet 100 guys and none of them are any good it may be you that's the problem.

And maybe there is no need for personal attacks.It is none of your business i simply stated different reality to those who believe in fairytale endings ...