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My parents want me to do different things

  • 07-01-2018 7:54pm
    Registered Users Posts: 1

    Hi, thanks for stopping by to read this. I'm a 19 year old boy, going to uni. Besides that I do some sport and other activities. The main thing I do though, is gaming. I like it because it helps me relax and makes my boring and task-filled life acceptable. I also partially do it out of a need to, but I definitely wouldn't call myself addicted.

    Now here's where problems arise. I don't really have friends or a social life. I do talk to and meet people on a regular basis, and for me that is enough. However my parents (which is basically my mom) think that's not good enough. Combine that with the other things they find lacking in me (procrastinating, not helping in the household unless asked to and even then) and you get a very toxic blame put on me everytime I do something wrong. For my parents that is: getting up after 10, staying up after 11, not sporting twice a week, going to uni without talking to anyone and asking permission to game.

    Sometimes it goes alright for a few days, when my parents just leave me alone. But there' always the days that I get ****talked to for too long and often. I don't want or like my parents to be dissappointed or angry, but in my idea all I ask is to make my own choices and fill in my own free time. Often we find ourselves repeating the same arguments and points of blame. Clearly this is only my side of the story, but here's my main questions:
    - can I tell my parents to just burglar off and leave me alone? I promise I won't go to **** if you don't come in my room every hour.
    - HOW do I convince my parents to do that. All they tell me is that I can game (read: the main thing I want on which I'm not allowed to make my own decisons) IF I have friends, or IF I have a normal life (which I have imo) or IF I don't game for an undetermined amount of time (to which I refer them to a month without gaming with no effect)
    - Otherwise, what are my alternatives? Conforming is not a way to go. I'd love to move out but I'm not intending to spend €7000 a year just to have exacly what I have now but in another place. I want to study abroad too. My parents are always ambiguous about that, by the way. When we have an argument they will tell me to get abroad asap, but then moments later they'll tell me it's not that useful or the place I want to go is worthless.

    Replies are welcome. <snipped - forbidden topic>

    Mod: OP, if you are feeling suicidal you need to seek real life support. Getting advice on the internet is extremely limited and falls far short of the help that you need. Please read this post for helpful links and contact the relevant organisations you need.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    How many hours a day are you gaming?
    Why aren't you helping out around the house?
    What's up with getting up every day after 10am?

    It's great you love gaming. In an ideal world everyone would do the same as you. But you have to be a functional human& interact with people, whether you enjoy it or not, it's a life skill that you need to develop in order to progress anywhere. Unless you plan on living in a cave forever lol

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken

    Look at it from their perspective. You're 19. You should be helping in the house, your home without being asked. Maybe they think that gaming has no purpose. Unless youre willing to sit down and have an adult conversation how will things improve.

    Youre not a kid anymore. Youre in college. Hoping to go abroad. They need to see that youre maturing and capable of living by yourself. To do that youll have to prove it to them.

    If you're genuinely happy with the social life you have, then explain that to your mother. She maybe worrying about tjat and other stuff and might not be expressing herself clearly.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily

    Could you get a part time job? That would help you get out of the house and save for a year abroad. You'd also be able to contribute to the household so will earn your rights for the computer.

    When it comes to chores - arrange set chores - do your own laundry and hover the house, load the dishwasher etc. That way you always know what's expected of you and you can get it done before they start complaining.

    Is there a society or club in college you could join to get out more often? A game soc?

    I see their point but I also feel sorry for you living with the nagging - I'm living with my in-laws and it gets tough.

  • Registered Users Posts: 28,320 ✭✭✭✭looksee

    Hang on, your life is boring and task filled, yet you complain about your parents checking up on you every hour? If you enjoy gaming why are you bored? How many hours are you gaming that you can be interrupted every hour? When do you do your college work?

    You sound like a very typical teen, though at 19 you are getting a bit old to be petulant about doing a bit round the house. At this stage your parents should be leaving you to fail on your own rather than nagging you, but maybe they are not yet seeing you as an adult - which seems to be understandable from what you write. You are living in their house still, not supporting yourself, so you have to accept that they can make the house rules, or at least try to, and you don't have a lot of grounds for objecting.

    I don't suppose there is any point in suggesting that they nag you because they want you to be a success, because they care for you? Though it does get pretty exasperating when the adults in the house are working - either in or out of the home - and someone is dossing around in his room gaming for hours at a time, while meals magically appear and washing is done and groceries just arrive in the presses.

    Out of sight is out of mind, get your own place and organise your own life and you can do as you please. Yes it will cost you, but that's the way it is, your choice.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭Cash_Q

    Rate you mention at the end of your post that you're suicidal when they kick you off the computer.

    If you feel suicidal please phone 1800247247 which is free and available 24 hours 7 days per week.

    This is Pieta House's suicide line staffed by fully trained counsellors. You can phone in complete confidence and they can support you through your suicidal thoughts. You do not have to attend for face to face counselling you can just ring them.

    You may be so used to having these suicidal thoughts that they feel normal to you but you deserve to be able to cope with periods of upset without feeling suicidal.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble

    OP, you (and I don't want to be rude here) need a bit of a reality check.

    I love gaming. Love it. I'd play all evening if I could. But I have a job, and I'm sudying part-time, and I have a house to keep clean and meals to cook.

    I empathise with you because it sucks to have an interest that needs time dedicted to it which you don't seem to have, but that is, unfortunately, part of being an adult. You don't get to do what you want all the time, sometimes you just have to do crap you can't stand, because it needs to get done.

    At 19, your parents really shouldn't be nagging you to do basic chores and keep things ticking over in the house- because you should be doing that already. You're 19, not 12.

    If you are thinking of studying abroad, then you REALLY need to start learning how to pull your own weight. Whatever about not getting up until after 10 (when I was your age unless I was in work I rarely went to sleep before 2 or got up before 11), but if you move in somewhere with flatmates, you're going to have to take part in keeping the house ticking over.

    Stop thinking about this as a "my parents won't let me" thing, and think about it as a "I live here too" thing. If you want your parents to take you seriously when you need to take being an adult seriously. I'm certainly not going to come on here and tell you adults don't game but I am going to tell you adults (or responsible ones at least) only game when they have ACTUAL spare time, with responsibilities squared away and their weight pulled in the house.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple

    At 19, you should be off their payroll and contributing. Child-rearing phase is over. This is what your parents are trying to encourage you to do.
    You want to play with your toys all day while someone else houses, feeds and cleans up around you. 
    I'd love to move out but I'm not intending to spend €7000 a year just to have exacly what I have now but in another place.
    If your parents were on here asking for advice, I'd actually tell them to start charging you €8000 for the hotel-like service they are providing you. 

    FYI, at 17, I was in college, with a part time job, supporting myself in a houseshare with other students. Never took a penny from my parents from that moment on. My brother who stayed at home rather than houseshare was paying rent.

  • Registered Users Posts: 26,281 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman

    Where do you see the future going ? what do you intend to do to become independent and afford to move out ?

    Considering the rise in internet addiction and kids developing severely introverted tendencies , Im not surprised your parents want you to get out and do things. If you were playing fifa a few hours a week / after college with the lads I doubt they'd be on your case.

    the last thing any parent wants is a kid sitting at home for hours on end with no real life friends playing an MMO till they pass out. Its not sustainable and not interacting with real people in the real world now can make it much harder to do so in the future. Is there a non gaming hobby that you could take up that would allow you to interact with others outside who would be interested in things you are ?

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012

    Your parents want you to get up, socialise, do chores?

    They seem like positive things that you should be doing.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,112 ✭✭✭Tails142

    My advice, say you want to change college course, pick something down the country you want to do in Galway, cork, or limerick, I'm assuming you're in Dublin. You might be able to use the years you've done in college already to skip first year

    Time away from home would be hugely beneficial to you in my opinion, you will see the real world, move into a house share, spend all the time gaming if you want, scrape through your degree, I've been where you are, looking to spend every waking minute gaming, trust me it's a phase, might last for ten Years like me, you just gotta see it through and get out the other side. Your parents sound over bearing, although they have your best interests at heart it might be no harm to get out from under them and widen your horizons, do that and you'll hopefully see that gaming is not significant. When you're 80 and in your death bed you aren't going to pass your world of war account on to your grandson

    Be aware of depression, sleeping in, not wanting to be social, preferring solitude, it's a phase but it also ticks the boxes for depression so just keep it in mind

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