Struggling..

pookiesboo

My mother is seriously ill in hospital for the past three weeks and I'm really struggling. I'm her primary carer, she suffers from post polio syndrome, scoliosis and copd and three weeks ago when I was getting her out of the shower she fell. She broke the bone in the back of her knee and is in a full leg cast, there has been so many touch and go moments with her. From hoping she could go home for Christmas day for a couple of hours (she couldn't) to becoming unresponsive from too much carbon dioxide because she is on an oxygen machine. Then Wednesday night she suffered a small heart attack (we always had the hope she had a good heart but the pressure on her lungs is now giving her heart trouble.)
Last night one of the nurses told my brother that my mother is very sick and only has days left, today the doctor said that she is very sick and is now prone to all sorts of infections that would be too much for but that she should come home as soon as is possible to avoid this. They wanted her to go to Cork for an angiogram but it would be too much for her.
I've had so many highs and lows that I don't even know what's what anymore. The guilt I feel for letting her slip that day and the fear that each time I say goodbye to her at the hospital I won't see her again, it's just getting too much. If I start crying again I don't think I can stop.
Not even sure I'm looking for advice, just need to write it out because when I talk about it to someone I break down. I don't know if I'm foolish for having hope.

Rocket19

Hi OP, sorry I don't have much advice to give you, but I just want to say that I really admire how you are caring for your mum.

I'm sorry to hear it sounds like she is going through a terrible time. However, she is lucky to have someone like you devoting so much love and time, and who genuinely cares for her in her time of need.

Please don't beat yourself up about her fall. Being a carer for someone must be so hard and can be physically challenging. Accidents like this unfortunately happen sometimes. I'm sure your mum doesn't blame you, so please don't blame yourself.

Finally, it's not a bad thing to have hope, no matter what the circumstance. Just do what you're doing, because it sounds like you've been doing all you can. You sound understandably stressed, so don't be afraid to lean on someone - be that a friend, partner or even a councillor.

Wishing you, your mum and family all the best.

Another day

Sorry to hear your mum is so unwell.
Please don't beat yourself up over her fall. These things happen and at least you were there to aid her after it happened. Being a carer is the toughest job ever, especially when it is someone we care deeply about. You have loved and supported your mum to the best of your ability and even in hospital or nursing homes accidents happen.

Your mum is getting the care she needs right now. You need to trust the medics to do what they can but sometimes a body can only take so much. Spend time with her, love her and forgive yourself. Allow yourself to cry, don't cut off your feelings. Lean on your family and draw strength from them.

Stay strong x

Skyfarm

Hi Op


theres two sides to my reply,one is the very pracatail and the other is emotional

get on to your public health nurse and explain your needs,what you wat to do and need for your mother to come home,more home help ,palliative care, hoists, electric bed.this can also can be done with hospital help,they have social workers that are amazing and are very used to situations like yours, they can also help getting doctors letters and taking pressure off people

the emtions are going to knock you left right and centre, my guess is the pain of lossing your mother trying to blame you? guilt you?

Stop ..

you have added so much to your mothers life by caring and loving her without judgment,you have given her life

where would she be without you?

im hoping through your pain that you dont blame yourself, just for giving your mam a shower, she needed it and you gave without judgement

i know that getting a shower can restore dignity and wash away the shameful smells,you were giving and doing your best.

having medical conditions that your mother has, balance and stabilty are issuses?

please dont do this to you,if your mother does pass over allow the pain to die with her,

free yourself from a destroying guilt that is based on untruths

if you are relgious how about having a chat with a priest/rabbi/imman or having a few hours to yourself

theres help if you need anything please ask

Whatever the outcome for you and your mother,i wish you calmness and peace

D

pookiesboo

Thank you for your replies, I just keep praying and hoping that she gets through this so we can bring her home. She's not really eating and just a few sips of water, she is constantly on her oxygen machine now. She's giving up hope on herself but I have enough for the both of us

9or10

Pookiesboo. Nothing to add - sorry. Just wanted to send you a cup of tea and a hug.

You've done great by your mum, you really have - don't beat yourself up about the fall.

I wish you both all the very best.

neonsofa

9or10 wrote: »

Pookiesboo. Nothing to add - sorry. Just wanted to send you a cup of tea and a hug.

Just wanted to say the same really. You're doing a great job so far and I wish you the best.
Don't forget to look after yourself too.