Coaching Athlete Relationship

Testosterscone

Good post from John Downes I came across earlier

“Do not listen with the intent to reply but listen with the intent to understand”. Steven Covey.
Communication and listening.
Hi everyone! Welcome to 2018! So, here’s my first post of the year, I hope it’s helpful.
Today I am wrestling with the flu! So today is a quiet bank holiday day for me, perhaps for you too? As I am quiet with myself today I came across the above quote; it struck a chord with me as to why some of us succeed and others don’t. I have to say, this quote has really made me think about what I say and how it’s communicated.
Of course there are many things that contribute to helping us achieve our goals, but the degree to which we have honed our ability to listen first is right up there as a strong indicator of our success.
In my “game”, as an athletic coach I am being sought to share, to impart, to guide and mentor. People seek me out to speak, they look to me to talk, present, to write, to offer. During my days as an athlete I had to learn to actively “listen” to my coach, to my body, to my mind, I had to learn to speak too, knowing when to do either is a skill. Before I can successfully guide my athletes I must listen, I must listen to the client’s story, listen to their answers to my careful questions, listen attentively to their questions so that they feel heard and then keep listening to their ongoing feedback. So long as I keep listening I can successfully impart to the best of my ability, this is after all why they come to me, they want me to speak into their journey. Decades of listening, guiding, experimenting, sharing and coaching are shared in this space. Coaching is my “game”, my passion, my skill, my offering to the world. It’s a place where I (and my client) find satisfaction, a place where synergistically we can succeed.
As the years go by, I have to believe that those that really listen have much more success and perform much better in whatever field they are involved in
I’m now a “veteran”:-P, I’m getting long in the tooth, short in the hair and strong in the force (sorry, Christmas Star Wars jokes, did I say “Force”?) I meant strong in the field, the field of life experiences, the field of athletics and the field of coaching.
Over the years, I have found that when coaching, some athletes just “click”, they just “get it”, they just do very well in their coaching journey. I am reminded of a previous client, he was a young African, after the initial Q & A I knew what he needed, he went away – worked on his programme and he followed it to a tee. Whatever he was advised of he embraced, he followed, he listened! Both he (let’s call him “’all ears”) and I were buoyed by his success, I needed to fully understand what went well, so I listened, I questioned, I wanted to understand how he became such an attentive disciplined listener, I sensed there was something in how he approached life that was gold dust to me and to other clients, this is what he shared:
” At 15 years of age I was responsible for livestock, where I come from listening and not listening means our survival or not. Not listening and executing well could mean losing livestock or saving them. You lose them you starve”.
Wow! In other words, there were serious consequences to him not honing his listening skills. No second chances. This skill had been transferred to every area of his life. He was brilliant to coach because he put his trust in my time and skillset, he ran with it (OK, it’s true, I love a pun:-P) and he saw the results he wanted and I knew would work. It’s in your interests to listen to your coach, remember a good coach has seen so many athletes that they have learned what works collectively and individually, they are there to help you succeed, you have to trust them. Of course you need to do you research and have the consultation to know whether you have the right professional for you, but once you choose your coach why not embrace the schedule whole heartedly? Yes – we can tweak but first we must listen and give it 100%, if we don’t we’re wasting one another’s time.
It can be argued that some athletes get twenty “second chances” they haven’t had to face the consequences that “all ears” had to face. As a coach I need, no - I expect feedback! I ask my athletes “Do you understand? Can you follow what’s said or written?” I have seen that those that adhere diligently succeed, those that don’t? Well, you know the answer.
Often, you know that “tough love” is in your interests, sometimes a coach will encourage and insist when you don’t feel like listening. He/she is in it for you and them. It is their passion and yours. Coaches have dreams and aspirations top & they have to make tough choices about who to work with to maximise results for all. Coaches are coaches usually because they have been asked to be, because they’re good at it, because they thrive on it – but they’re not a limitless resource. They often have to make difficult choices about where/in whom to invest their energy and they sometimes have to discontinue working with a client when a client isn’t exercising their listening skills as well as their hammies! To be a successful coach, you have to be respected for being selective with your time and energy. You know that your coach is a specialist not just in your shared field but in life too, they have had to become a specialist in managing their time. That coach has to look after you and a whole bunch of other clients, if that coach is working with too many people struggling to listen then he/she literally can’t give you their best. Without knowing it, you’re in a team, you, your coach and their other clients are a team, you have a shared resource in your shared coach and you need to “use” him/her diligently and respectfully (by being like “’all ears”’) then you, your coach and your team maximise your chances of individual and collective success - BINGO! Sadly, when a client is focussed on their journey they can forget that their coach (and team mates) have aspirations too, they stop listening and are afraid to converse with their coach, they drift, they become dissatisfied, their coach becomes dissatisfied and we slip into wasting one another’s time. Communication is key!
In the business world, where “time is money” if you don’t listen or do as you’re told you’re gone! Coaching, like the arts etc. is a passion, when we are passionate about something we enthusiastically share and give so much away for free, but coaches need to eat too (even if they are strong with the force ;-P) Many coaches give of their time and experience freely and it gets taken for granted when it should be valued, too many 2nd chances, too few consequences and too many freebies leads to mediocre performance all round because no one is winning if they’re not being sufficiently fuelled! In my experience, I have learned that I am in better shape for my athletes when we’re listening and communicating with one another, then I can give my PB as I have enough time and energy to share. Granted there comes a time when talking is done and we must now “do”. The listening has to manifest into doing. When the listening and doing have gone awry then expect that your coach may need to make “’an executive decision” for the sake of you, them and the team – “tough love”. Once that coach knows that athletes understand what they are doing with their programme, once it is agreed that it sounds good then push on, if the athlete changes a programme without consulting the “’expert” they’ve brought in (which happens a lot if they’re over talking, over thinking, over consulting etc.) then you have to say “I have given you my expertise, time and skills but if you’re not reciprocating we both need to move on”. I remember an athlete commenting that they “shouldn’t have to give feedback”’. I was amazed – wow! How can we listen well to one another and respect one another’s efforts if we don’t know what is/isn’t working?
Remember that when you listen to the expertise you have sought and you are running well your “tail” is rightly in the spotlight and enjoying the praise and fruits of your labour. However – when you’re not doing so well it is the other side of the coin (the head) that is on the chopping block, i.e. the coach! Coaches also have a good name and reputation to uphold. If you’re willing, there’s a way to help your coach ensure your tail is in the spotlight. Be like “all ears”. Communication and listening; listening to understand and to manifest.
Here’s to a successful relationship in the year ahead – hoping to see your tail in the spotlight soon!

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