Complex with internet dating

LegacyUser

Hi there. I have been going on a few dates with some nice girls I've met online, however at the back of my mind, I have this complex about potentially starting a relationship with someone I met online. Perhaps it's because I don't know many couples who have met online, but for me it's a big insecurity. I think ahead to the question "so how did you two meet?" and I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed about how I'd answer it. This is something I'd really like to wrap my head around. I really want to meet someone and unfortunately, online is really my only option due to my hobbies / work etc involving an predominantly male demographic, not to mention that all friends / family are married off. Any tips for how I can overcome this? It's been bothering me quite a bit lately...

Thanks

Bambi985

“We met down the pub” is a line that many tinder couples I know use ;-)

It’s astonishingly common these days to meet your partner online and I don’t know any single people who haven’t been on tinder/bumble/whatever at least for a while in their effort to meet someone new.

What I have come across though is that some guys (and probably girls, though can’t count for them) can treat their online dates with less respect or seriousness though probably for the reasons you outlined - there’s a sense that it’s taboo and it makes people seem that bit more disposable or “great for one night only” kinda thing. If you think that’s you, then I’d delete the apps and try to change your social life to allow for you to meet people that way instead. The ghosting and emotional unavailability and hot and cold behaviour that comes with these types of fellas ain’t no fun for the women they meet.

tomwaterford

purdy18 wrote: »

Hi there. I have been going on a few dates with some nice girls I've met online, however at the back of my mind, I have this complex about potentially starting a relationship with someone I met online. Perhaps it's because I don't know many couples who have met online, but for me it's a big insecurity. I think ahead to the question "so how did you two meet?" and I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed about how I'd answer it. This is something I'd really like to wrap my head around. I really want to meet someone and unfortunately, online is really my only option due to my hobbies / work etc involving an predominantly male demographic, not to mention that all friends / family are married off. Any tips for how I can overcome this? It's been bothering me quite a bit lately...

Thanks

Noone will really care if yous meet someone online....

and anyone asking where ya meet etc,are just being polite....and if they keep pushing. ...just give the place of your first date.=)

MissShihTzu

I met my husband online! A young couple I know have just got engaged after four years together. They met on Tinder, and don't hide it. Yes, I understand it can be a little embarrassing saying that. Maybe it's a generational thing, I don't know

At some point, you'd like to meet your date in person. So - when people ask, you can do one of two things. Either tell then straight out you met online. Or you can say you met in the pub/bar/restaurant wherever you actually met your date in person. You would not be lying...So I agree with TomWaterford!

Whatever you do, good luck! Be brave. You never know. You might just meet that special someone.

Funny Feeling

I tried online dating once it did turn into a brief thing for a few months. But in the end I just couldn't get over the whole way we met and I didn't trust him because I didn't know any of his friends.

Plus all of the BS I can't be dealing with. I have decided never again.

I do have two good friends that have met their partner's online and no-one judges it. It's not what others think it's what you think about it. To me it just seems so mechanical.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback! No, I definitely am not into the 1 night stand thing, so if I don't get vibes then I don't really pursue anymore. I suppose I can make it part of 'the chat' if I meet that nice girl online and see what her feelings are on the matter. I think it's because my friends all met each other through acquaintances and that is probably what plays most on my mind.

GreeBo

I met my wife online and have at least 3 other friends who did the same (met their wives!)

If I didn't have that option I would still be single, no way would I be out hitting the floor every weekend.
Mostly because I hate it but also because everyone else I know is married!

LegacyUser

Put all them worries about meeting someone online and telling people how you met behind you and go for it op. I met my boyfriend online a year ago and we are going good and strong. There are so many uncanny coincidences between us. I'd love to list them all here but I won't in fear of being recognised. We have so much in common. We met online but turns out we are both local to each other. How we met has never been an issue with anyone. We've have had so much fun and we are so good for each other.

Bambi985

purdy18 wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback! No, I definitely am not into the 1 night stand thing, so if I don't get vibes then I don't really pursue anymore. I suppose I can make it part of 'the chat' if I meet that nice girl online and see what her feelings are on the matter. I think it's because my friends all met each other through acquaintances and that is probably what plays most on my mind.

Well if you want to meet someone through acquaintances then you’re going to have to make sure you have a hell of a lot of acquaintances. Focus on expanding your social network, get involved in work events, go to everything going, take up hobbies and classes and all the rest and be proactive in getting to know the people there.

The reality is that many/most people are paired off after a certain age so online becomes an easier way of knowing for sure who’s single and who’s not (in theory!). I’d be the same as you OP, except my reason is that the apps seem too mechanical and formal for me, I’ve always been friends with or at least familiar with previous partners and that familiarity made the whole process a lot more comfortable for me. Same friends or colleagues or whatever. I’m single now and not online because I want to see how it all works out for me through my own social life because that’s a lot more comfortable for me. I’m also not mad to meet anyone at the moment as I’m just out of a relationship.

I’d say you should really consider whether or not this is too big of a hurdle for you to overcome - some people just can’t get over their feelings about meeting someone on a dating app and those feelings will affect their demeanour and attitude towards people they meet that way. If that’s you, delete them and live a more proactive life.

21Savage

meeting down the pub sounds basic af. More status in saying you met on tinder.

jimbobaloobob

You'll have a bigger complex if you don't meet anyone. Follow your heart and stop worrying about how you would explain it to others. It's not their business

SusieBlue

I met my boyfriend of 3 years who I now live with online. Its so normal there days, there is no stigma about it anymore. I am mid 20's and even back when I was single (3 years ago) everyone was on tinder. Its even more popular these days and more socially acceptable than it was back then.

skallywag

I think it's an awful lot less taboo than it once was, most folk I know at least would think nothing of it.

I myself met my other half via the web at a when time opinion would have been roughly divided 10-80-10 between 'Gee, that's pretty cool' / 'Yer man's a weirdo' / 'Interwhat?'.

It was a different landscape then of course with everything being PC based, where one tended to write more, e.g. email based communication rather than short messages based on a touchscreen platform. Though having a facility where you only ended up in touch with those who swiped right could have saved a lot of time (-:

stargazer 68

I met my husband online OP - its really no big deal. Our Celebrant even included it in our wedding ceremony!

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LirW

I met my partner online too, we now have a house and a baby together and we didn't even live in the same country. He moved in with me after a few months of long distance and then we moved to Ireland together.
You'll be fine, it's 2017, technology everywhere.

gandalf

Internet dating has been around for over 15 years, it's been mainstream for 10. No one will bat an eyelid if you say that's how you met. This sounds like a post from the late 90's!

jimbobalob309

why are you so concerned about what your friends think? you should be beyond this at your stage in life op. if you meet the right person who cares what anyone thinks?

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LegacyUser

I met the woman of my dreams online. I didn't think girls like her existed.

It is good to see my friends with partners too from all over Eire, instead of us all been single down in the pub debating if we should buy a girl we once knew from school but don't really like a drink cause we got no other options.

Inspiration1

SusieBlue wrote: »

I met my boyfriend of 3 years who I now live with online. Its so normal there days, there is no stigma about it anymore. I am mid 20's and even back when I was single (3 years ago) everyone was on tinder. Its even more popular these days and more socially acceptable than it was back then.

Met my husband online. Always found it hard to meet people in pubs etc. Online suited me much better I think. All about taking a risk ... Good luck!!

Green&Red

Marrying a girl I met on tinder. People don’t bat an eyelid when we say that’s how we met.

Get over yourself, it’s unbelievably common these days

gaynorvader

Technically you don't meet online, you only meet at your first date