Should I try living in a cheaper country?

LegacyUser

So, here's the story. I'm 28 and I've never lived anywhere in Ireland apart from the home I grew up in, which is a tad embarrassing although I know I'm not the only one. In college I was too broke and my college was just a 25-minute bus trip from my house. I've spent extended periods abroad in Asia (up to 5 months), and I guess that half counts as living away from my parents.

I've been feeling discontent in life for a long time, particularly when I'm in Ireland because it hits hard every time I'm here when I realize how few people I have in my life. My unhappiness is mostly due to lack of social life, which is itself influenced by terrible shyness. I feel like instead of all the travelling back and forth I do, I need to settle down in one place for an extended period and attempt to build a life for myself and overcome my anxieties away from my parents (at least 10 months).

Only thing is, I'm torn between living in Ireland versus somewhere cheaper like in Asia or something. I work on the internet and my money is not that great. I currently have savings of about €6k but the nature of my work means that it could dry up at any time.

I've been browsing rent.ie and other sites for 2 days straight and I can't find anything. I'm not that picky but I'm seeing dingy places for like 800 per month and thinking what's the point. There are luxury condos in Thailand, for example, I could rent at 35 percent of that price.

However, travelling all the time isn't doing me any favours because it's never stable enough to build something resembling a settled lifestyle. I need to really commit to one place and get out there to meet people. Even while travelling I've mostly kept to myself because it's easy to just rent a coworking office and bury my head in my laptop all day.

In Ireland, there is easy access to therapy for hopefully beating my social anxiety. There is also the possibility to perhaps find office work if my internet work dries up or I become sick of it.

Abroad, however, there is better weather, much cheaper rent, cheaper food, cheaper gyms, cheaper everything really.

Both Ireland and abroad have opportunities to meet people. So I'm torn and just looking for some outside perspective on my dilemma. Should I give renting in Ireland a go? Or should I feck off abroad and try to settle there properly instead of always taking that option to come home after 3-5 months?

Thanks for any advice.

Rubberchikken

Why have you spent such sort periods abroad? Also why 10 months away from your parents?
Putting time limits on these things cant help with settling in and making friends.

Before you decide anything would you speak to your gp about any social issues you may have?
Abroad isnt going to be any better if a person carries those issues with them

Airyfairy12

If you rent in Ireland your savings will be gone within the year add in living costs and you might find it a struggle. There are so many people in their late 20's and 30's living at home for this reason. If you do want to rent in Ireland it might be beneficial to get some sort of stable and livable income as although you'll be living away from your parents and you might have more options of social outlets, most of your money will be spent on rent and bills meaning you might be too broke to socialise as everything is so expensive. You dont have to go as far as Asia, you could live practically anywhere else in Europe for a fraction of what it would cost to live in Ireland. Even London and Paris are cheaper than here. Im planning to move away from Ireland within the next year for this reason, im a complete homebird and dont necessarily want to leave Ireland but the cost of living is so high even with full time employment I will be living in near poverty. Its not worth it.
Id suggest giving living abroad a try, you can always come back home if its not for you but id also suggest finding employment which allows you to save as if you do move back home you want to be able to financially support yourself so youre not back in the same position youre in now.

Ursus Horribilis

Have you posted about this before? It just sounds a bit familiar....

To be honest, if you've got the issues you've described, I think a move abroad is the worst thing you could do at this time. You're still going to be the same person you are here, just in sunnier climes. You'll still get lonely, you'll still get anxious but you won't have your family's support. I think getting all the help you need here would be a better approach. It would leave you in a better position to move abroad if that's still what you want. Also, if you're doing internet work doesn't that mean that you're not even getting out into a workplace and interacting with other people? That sounds like a disaster if you say you also have no social life.

Pelvis

It doesn't sound like you have a steady income if 6k could dry up at any time.

My advice, get an actual job with an actual salary. Supplement it with freelance stuff on the side if you like. Move out of your parents and into a house share. See how that goes first. You need to walk before you can run.

Dial Hard

Tbh, OP, I think you've fixated on the cost of living in Ireland as the issue when it's far from the actual problem.

If you move to Asia your social anxiety and shyness and whatnot will simply move with you. You need to work on those, not think that you can run away from them.

LegacyUser

Dial Hard wrote: »

If you move to Asia your social anxiety and shyness and whatnot will simply move with you. You need to work on those, not think that you can run away from them.

I agree, travelling again will just send me round in circles. However, I feel so much worse being in Ireland that it's a catch 22. I have an appointment with a therapist next week so hopefully that represents a start for me.

Also, if you're doing internet work doesn't that mean that you're not even getting out into a workplace and interacting with other people? That sounds like a disaster if you say you also have no social life.

Yep, absolutely no interaction. Just me and my laptop all day. There is a possibility to rent a co-working space which might improve things, but I dunno.

Witchie

I think sometimes moving somewhere new can unleash a new side of you or you can at least decide to be different than you are at home coz no one knows you over there.

I know I am socially much more confident since I moved to Malaysia. I was in a similar situation in that I work freelance and was struggling in Ireland. I live in a gorgeous apartment with an infinity pool and gym in my building for under €400 a month and am building up a network of friends through the building I live in (I organised a Sunday evenings meet up at the pool and we have a few regulars now who have become friends) I also got involved in a theatre group as I love acting and have made some lovely friends there.

My advice is to give it a shot. If you hate it, come home and get a real job.

I spend about €50 a week on groceries, my mobile costs me about €7 a month and my tv and internet packages cost me about €15 a month. I have taken up some work with a company over there for a few hours a day so that I can still do my freelance stuff but also save more money for more travel.

Ursus Horribilis

Did you ever work in an office before choosing this sort of solitary work? If so, how did you get on with your co-workers and why did you leave? Was it because working with your nose buried in a laptop is easier than having to deal face to face with people. Your track record to date is not promising at all and that is why I feel your immediate priority should be to sort your shyness/people issues. Living at home in your parents should be no barrier to having a social life and making friends. You've made it to 28 and not been very good at it. You worked abroad and weren't very good at meeting people there either. If you're as shy as you say you are and your form is to work with your nose buried in a laptop, why do you think you're going to have a personality transplant?

Also, if the work you do doesn't pay very well why can you not find better work? Is it because you can't face interacting with strangers? Because it's easier to hide away behind a laptop and stay within your comfort zone? What could you be earning if you had a proper job in Ireland?

roro1990

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Your track record to date is not promising at all and that is why I feel your immediate priority should be to sort your shyness/people issues. Living at home in your parents should be no barrier to having a social life and making friends. You've made it to 28 and not been very good at it.

without knowing anything beyond what OP told us, I think some of this is way too harsh. perhaps he/she is in a rut, which can happen to anyone really. To say their record is not very good at all strikes me as a bit demeaning tbh...it takes balls to travel and live in another country, an achievement which definitely shouldn't be disregarded, as I did it myself and I remember how many people came up and said "I could never do that".

Saying all that, it appears there are definitely shyness and self esteem issues you can and should work on before going abroad again. Are u sure you're not just highly introverted and feeling pressure to conform to societys idea that everyone should easily make friends and be comfortable around people? (As is evident from the reply I've quoted.)

Ursus Horribilis

Even while travelling I've mostly kept to myself because it's easy to just rent a coworking office and bury my head in my laptop all day.

Past behaviour suggests a change of location didn't turn him into a social butterfly

roro1990

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Past behaviour suggests a change of location didn't turn him into a social butterfly

That doesnt make it any less of an achievement to go and live alone somewhere IMO. Very easy to put ppl down anonymously, as if their travel was a waste of time.

Ursus Horribilis

I didn't say it was a waste of time or that he shouldn't go. I just think that if he hopped on a plane in the morning and went, it'd be a disaster. He's 28 and hasn't built much of a social circle in Ireland. I'd love to know why he works alone - did he quit a job involving people? He didn't reach out to anybody when he was away before. He'll just be taking his issues wherever he goes. Help first, then travel.

Asia might not be the best option since adjustment can be an issue for many people.

The problem and great things about Asia are that you're an object of attention in most countries. Even in places where Westerners are fairly common, you're still considered special. Special in a good way for many people, and special like some kind of weird monkey for others. And the good/bad thing is that unless you hide away in your room every day/night, you can't escape that attention. People will point at you, older people will gawk at your attempts at the language, and children will giggle constantly at your appearance.

All in all, it's a fantastic experience for some people. For others, they just can't accept the attention. I arrived in China quite a shy person. I had my extremely bad days, and plenty more wonderfully fulfilling days. And after almost ten years living there, my shyness (and self-consciousness) is completely gone.

Still... I would recommend visiting for a week or two first and mingle in the common areas rather than the tourist areas. Also look on expat forums and ask questions rather than simply reading about it. The area you're thinking of going is quite often going to be very different from the stereotypes you might have preconceived or find on common websites. There's also a lot of promotion going on by Asian companies about their cities/countries. Lastly, be very aware of the weather in your target area. It can come as quite a shock especially when you factor in things like terrible heating options in Japan or no heating at all in parts of China.

In the end, Eastern Europe is a very good alternative. Lovely people, great cultures and often a cheap cost of living. But naturally, do your research.

Witchie

Deleted User wrote: »

The problem and great things about Asia are that you're an object of attention in most countries. Even in places where Westerners are fairly common, you're still considered special. Special in a good way for many people, and special like some kind of weird monkey for others. And the good/bad thing is that unless you hide away in your room every day/night, you can't escape that attention. People will point at you, older people will gawk at your attempts at the language, and children will giggle constantly at your appearance.

In India and some other places this may be true, but completely opposite to my experience in Kuala Lumpur. Apart from one old old Indian guy staring at my sister and I in Chinatown one day, I have not encountered this at all. My sister got a little more attention but that is because she is a stunningly beautiful modelesque blonde!

I know, personally, I have never felt more comfortable anywhere in the world, in fact, was only back in my hometown a few days when I went out one night and had hassle from a$$hats and remembered why I hate living in Ireland so much when people think it is great craic to pick on someone walking down the street and be all leering and disgusting.

Witchie

Witchie wrote: »

In India and some other places this may be true, but completely opposite to my experience in Kuala Lumpur. Apart from one old old Indian guy staring at my sister and I in Chinatown one day, I have not encountered this at all. My sister got a little more attention but that is because she is a stunningly beautiful modelesque blonde!

I know, personally, I have never felt more comfortable anywhere in the world, in fact, was only back in my hometown a few days when I went out one night and had hassle from a$$hats and remembered why I hate living in Ireland so much when people think it is great craic to pick on someone walking down the street and be all leering and disgusting.

Staring at foreigners is perhaps more common in China, apart from the major cities like Beijing or Shanghai. I lived in Xi'an which is a tourist city of 9m, and I'd still get people from the countryside staring/pointing at me. It was much worse when I first arrived but has lessened considerably over the years. I can still remember my first year there when a guy cycling by stared at me (as he went past) so much that he banged into a car. It's very different now though with all the foreigners who came to teach/study.

I didn't get any such reactions in Japan/Thailand/Vietnam. But Asia does reinforce that you're in a foreign culture and you do need to come out of your shell to live properly. Personally, living/working/traveling extensively in Asia was the best decision in my life so far.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Thanks for the replies.

Just to clarify, I've been to Asia, travelling there extensively, so I know what it's like, and adjustment would be absolutely no problem (depending on the country of course, but I'd go somewhere I've been before if I was to live there).

On previous stints to Asia I wasn't entirely alone...I had a girlfriend in one country and we pretty much lived together. However, my social life was poor and typically involved going to watch football at a pub in the hope of striking up a conversation. I'd say in the five months I spent there earlier this year, I had about four or five occasions maximum during which I socialized, and alcohol was invariably involved.

With regards to the question about a previous office job, I worked once in 2012 doing an internship in an office in IFSC. I tried being social there but eventually reverted into my shell and started eating lunch alone when I found I didn't have much in common with colleagues.

Then, post-graduation, I worked a year in a different office in town. That went much better, and I got on with nearly everyone, went to after-work drinks etc quite often. However, after about 5-7 months there, it became difficult for me. I don't know why but I again went into my shell and started going out for lunch less often, eating at my desk (I wasn't the only one so it wasn't exactly abnormal to do that).

My online work pays decently, but the stability of it is always an issue. Something about offices makes me uncomfortable, and it must be an extension of my shyness self-esteem issues. I'm now at the stage where I'm not even sure I could face going back to that. Feel lost, lonely, and so isolated.

There are co-working offices in Dublin but who's to say they'll provide the interaction I need? Then again, should I be relying on work for my social life?