Damaged female sperm?

MelanieC

Hi, this is my first time posting in this forum, I'm hoping someone here might have more knowledge/experience and be able to answer a question that I have. So far no one has been able to and I suspect it may be unanswerable but anyway here goes -

I just had my second miscarriage last week. The first was a few months ago and was due to a blood clot in the placenta. The baby itself, a boy, was perfect. This time however, we were told the baby had chromosomal abnormalities and so the heart stopped at 11 weeks. I strongly believe this was a girl as I purposely swayed for a girl.

But here's the thing that's consuming me - my oh's mother had three boys without a problem but also had three miscarriages who were all girls. Her son and his wife then had two boys no problem but then miscarried(I don't know the sex but possibly a girl) and I have had a boy with my oh without any problems and as I said the first one I lost was also a boy, perfect, only lost him due to my body.

So I keep thinking - could there be something hereditary in my oh, passed from his father to the sons, in which their male sperm is fine but female sperm is damaged so that a female foetus is doomed to be miscarried? Is this even possible? It just seems a really big coincidence that all the girls have died yet all the boys were complication free? I haven't mentioned any of this to my oh because I know he would feel a sense of guilt and I don't want to burden him if it actually is all just random.

We are hoping to try again soon but I'm unsure whether to try for a little girl again. If it's true I would try more for a boy but if not I would like to go for the girl. And also nothing is guaranteed anyway, I know that. I have a grown up daughter from a previous relationship so I know I can carry a girl. But we would love a little girl together.

Hoping someone here might have some medical or genetic know-how and could advise me coz at the moment I keep swinging madly from it definitely being the case that he can't produce a healthy girl to don't be silly, it's just bad luck that's all and we'll get our girl next time. I don't know how many more times we could go through this pain though so it's a big decision. I feel so heartbroken and empty at the moment and the thought that it may be doomed to reoccur is making it all the worse.

Anyone got any answers? Or even an opinion?
Thanks so much. x

ANXIOUS

How do you try for a boy or girl?

Keyzer

Probably best of asking a medical professional about this.

parttime

There is no such thing as female sperm.

AMKC

There is no female or male sperm a sperm is just that a sperm its when the sperm and the egg come together and the baby starts to grow that sex is decided. We all start of as females but along the way a chromosome can change to make the baby inside you be male.

MelanieC

As far as I know there is male and female sperm? Male sperm are faster and stronger so if you have sex during ovulation, the male sperm is more likely to reach and fertilise the egg first. However female sperm survive longer so if you do the deed a few days before ovulation, by the time the egg is released the male sperms will have died off leaving the female sperm to fertilise the egg. It's not 100% but it does improve the chances of one or the other significantly. Check out the Shettles Method if you don't believe me, it's well tested and documented.

I timed it to make a girl more likely and I believe it was a girl. So I'm wondering if only my oh's female sperm are of poor quality as the males seem to be fine?

Wesser

Sorry to hear about yiur losses.

There is definitely x and y sperms.
However you cannot know for sure that your baby was a girl.
When you say it was z chromosomal problem... Did the doctors do a karyotype or is just the doctors speculating?
If the drs did a karyotype then they should be able to tell you the sex of the baby.
Given that the first baby was male.... There just isn't enough evidence of a problem here....

MelanieC

Wesser wrote: »

Sorry to hear about yiur losses.

There is definitely x and y sperms.
However you cannot know for sure that your baby was a girl.
When you say it was z chromosomal problem... Did the doctors do a karyotype or is just the doctors speculating?
If the drs did a karyotype then they should be able to tell you the sex of the baby.
Given that the first baby was male.... There just isn't enough evidence of a problem here....

Thank you.
They saw from the scan that there was some chromosomal problem with the baby. We won't know exactly what or the gender for sure until the test results come back but that won't be for months yet and I would hope to be pregnant again before then so it's a gamble.

The first baby was male but I lost him due to a blood clotting condition I have. They told me the baby itself was developing normally. This baby though and all three of my mother in law's baby girls had chromosomal defects. All baby boys perfect. Do you think this is all just a weird coincidence then? I don't know whether to be skeptical or hopeful. :-(

Neyite

There are medical conditions that can affect one sex or another. And conditions where women are carriers of a disease that affects only male offspring or vice versa.

But it's all speculation until you get genetic testing.

When you think about it, your partner has 50% of say, the defective DNA, and 50% hers. Then in turn, your babies have 50% of your DNA and 50% of his. So if there was defective hereditary issues at play, your babies may only have inherited a fraction of that. Then you add in recessive genes and other factors, there's no way to know for sure unless you test.

It's worth exploring given that your MILs female children had chromosomal issues, and there's nothing wrong with getting tested. It may lead you to make hard decisions though. In this country you can't select embryo sex, but in other European countries you can if it means avoiding a severe life-limiting issue in your child.

MelanieC

Neyite wrote: »

There are medical conditions that can affect one sex or another. And conditions where women are carriers of a disease that affects only male offspring or vice versa.

But it's all speculation until you get genetic testing.

When you think about it, your partner has 50% of say, the defective DNA, and 50% hers. Then in turn, your babies have 50% of your DNA and 50% of his. So if there was defective hereditary issues at play, your babies may only have inherited a fraction of that. Then you add in recessive genes and other factors, there's no way to know for sure unless you test.

It's worth exploring given that your MILs female children had chromosomal issues, and there's nothing wrong with getting tested. It may lead you to make hard decisions though. In this country you can't select embryo sex, but in other European countries you can if it means avoiding a severe life-limiting issue in your child.

Thank you, that makes sense I guess. So you're saying that even if it's true that his x sperm have defective genes, my baby would only have 25% chance or less of being affected? Is that right?

I will look into getting tested but the main thing is that I am 40 so haven't got the time to hang about for results before we try again. Which of course is putting extra pressure on us. I just wish it wasn't this hard. :-(

Neyite

Not really - the 25% would be skewed by a lot of factors- what kind of chromosone issue it is, how it affects the genes,if it's regressive, how common (or uncommon) that particular issue is in the population and probably many more factors apply that someone like me wouldn't have the first clue about.

For example, Cystic Fibrosis is more common in Ireland than other countries. Some races are more susceptible to certain conditions than others. The only way of knowing for sure if a) either of you are carriers of something and b) the likelihood of it presenting in a boy or girl of your own could only really be determined by genetic screening.

I understand the biological clock, I've been there before. And I also understand the concern of a potential genetic condition being passed on to the next generation. It's not easy but I hope that you find your answers quickly.