Keeping a 6 yr old entertained at home

Cianos

Hey all,
I got a few nice Christmas presents for my 6yr old daughter, carefully chosen on the basis that they were what I knew she was interested in and what I thought she would be able to play with herself and keep herself entertained.

Unfortunately, while she really likes the toys, she still doesn't want to play by herself. Of course I sit down with her and play, but as I'm sure you know yourself there's only so much of that you can A) do in a practical sense and can remain enthusiastic for.

I've been trying to encourage her to play by herself, but she says it makes her feel lonely. While she's extremely well behaved, she's full of chat and always wants to be engaged with - she seems to need constant stimulation, or enjoys the social aspect of the toys more than the toys themselves. I don't want to sit her in front of a screen but it seems to be the only thing that she is happy to do solo, whether it's watching netflix, a movie, or playing games on my phone.

It's rare that she seems to get engrossed in her own little games or imagination play away from the screen. I was wondering should I cut out movies/netflix altogether and force her to entertain herself more. She doesn't get loads of screen time btw, nor does she argue/complain when I tell her she's not allowed.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

pwurple

Can she have friends over? Or visit them?

6 year olds are very social.

My six year old mainly loves company too, but she will do a few bits solo. Knitting, puzzles, lego, colouring / painting, making dens in the garden or house.

Cianos

pwurple wrote: »

Can she have friends over? Or visit them?

6 year olds are very social.

I'd happily have her friends over, problem is I'm a single dad so not sure if other parents would be happy for their kids to come over.

CelticRambler

It sounds like she's telling you that she wants company. What are you doing at the times you want her to go off and play on her own? When I was in that situation, albeit with more than one, I took my daughter (and son) along too. It didn't matter where it was or what I had to do, they tagged along and we talked about the hows and the whys of everything that was going on. That included getting them to do real work around the house and garden (my daughter, by 12 years old, was an amazing lumberjack's assistant :pac: ) as well as learning, e.g. to not ask questions for 30 minutes while I was with a client.

If you get her a pair of wellies, and have her hauling baskets of potatoes in from the garden for two hours, by the time you come back inside, she'll be only too pleased to go off to her room and play with her teddies (probably getting them to bring spuds in from an imaginary garden! )

I've used the same strategy with my nephews and nieces, and other people's young children - at this age, they like doing real work, especially when it's the "dad" stuff that introduces an element of dirt and danger that's been eliminated from so much of the rest of their lives. Don't overthink the "single man in a house alone with children" side of it - let your daughter be your ambassador. Chances are, once word gets out, you'll have a queue of mothers asking if you can mind their children for a few hours.

My style of parenting: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/23/magazine/the-anti-helicopter-parents-plea-let-kids-play.html

pwurple

Cianos wrote: »

I'd happily have her friends over, problem is I'm a single dad so not sure if other parents would be happy for their kids to come over.

Ah come on, have you sprouted horns on your head or something? There are stay at home daddies, male au pairs, single fathers, male teachers.

It’s no biggie. Invite some buddies over, offer a cuppa, get to know your neigbours and if you have time, get involved with your community.

mordeith

pwurple wrote: »

Ah come on, have you sprouted horns on your head or something? There are stay at home daddies, male au pairs, single fathers, male teachers.

It’s no biggie. Invite some buddies over, offer a cuppa, get to know your neigbours and if you have time, get involved with your community.

I think he has a fair point.

pwurple

mordeith wrote: »

I think he has a fair point.

Explain please.

2Mad2BeMad

mordeith wrote: »

I think he has a fair point.

To be fair though parents in general feel more at ease if their kids are in another's child's house while a women is present. Blame it because of the media but it's the way things are. I don't agree with it but I know many mammys and daddy's who think that way.

I remember one poster on here saying he once travelled on an airplane with his family but was in a seat on his own. He seen another child upset and started making funny faces at the child which made him laugh the parents gave him awful looks and moved the child to the window seat. That same poster was on a different flight same situation but his wife was sitting beside him and the other parents thanked him for calming their child down.

Not saying everyone thinks single fathers might be pedos but the media certainly doesn't help. While males are more likely going to be child molesters judging from how many are caught it would be hard to believe a mammy could be one even though their are female pedos.

Again I don't agree with it but its the way the media portrays it.

sillysocks

My six year old is no good for playing with dolls or toys where she needs to use her imagination, but she loves things like jigsaws or craft toys that she can see what she needs to make and then beavers away to get to that. She also loves puzzle books and colouring books.
She has loads of Barbies and teddies etc but never really plays with them.

Maybe try some different type of toys if you haven’t already.

With regards being a single Dad I’m sure there’s plenty of parents wouldn’t mind but you could invite kids and suggest their parent stay for a coffee the first time, that’s what I would usually do regardless for the first time my kids go somewhere else, and then they’d probably be more comfortable from then on.

pwurple

2Mad2BeMad wrote: »

To be fair though parents in general feel more at ease if their kids are in another's child's house while a women is present.

Is this Le Deuxième Sexe in reverse? Men can’t participate in their own children's normal lives? Is it not bad enough that boys are not allowed wear certain clothes, or colours, or forbidden from playing with dolls or kitchen playsets, or even have certain haircuts. I thought we were a developed country.

Men are not some lower class of citizen that we all need to banish from children's lives.

And aside from all that, here is a six year old child deprived of friends and social development because her dad assumes everyone thinks he is a sex offender by the nature of being her father instead of her mother.

That is just so sad, on every level.

And I can assure you it is not the assumption around here. Maybe there is some village of fluttering curtains out there somewhere... but it is not the norm where I live.

mordeith

pwurple wrote: »

Explain please.

Would I send my daughter around to a house where there is a man I probably don't know very well for a play date. No I wouldn't.
If I was said man would I be comfortable on my own with my daughters friends? No I wouldn't. All it takes these days is one misconstrued sentence from a child to be judged. **** yes, but also unfortunately the way things are now.

Hannibal_Smith

Have you tried jigsaws? Or Lego?

Do you have a garden they can play in?

Just throwing some stuff at you. Our 6 year old will happily play with Lego and jigsaws, whilst the 8 year old is not an indoors kid. He doesn't know what to do with himself. So just like a puppy, we release him into the back garden with a ball and he is the happiest kid in the world :pac:

Hannibal_Smith

mordeith wrote: »

Would I send my daughter around to a house where there is a man I probably don't know very well for a play date. No I wouldn't.
If I was said man would I be comfortable on my own with my daughters friends? No I wouldn't. All it takes these days is one misconstrued sentence from a child to be judged. **** yes, but also unfortunately the way things are now.

What? That's not how things are? If your kid knows the child, you would surely know the parents? Whether male or female, if I didn't know the parent i wouldn't send my kid round, but jaysus I wouldn't stop my kid visiting if it was only the dad there???

mordeith

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

What? That's not how things are? If your kid knows the child, you would surely know the parents? Whether male or female, if I didn't know the parent i wouldn't send my kid round, but jaysus I wouldn't stop my kid visiting if it was only the dad there???

Well no. My kids know plenty of other children but I don't know all the parents. I might see em at the school gate but don't converse with all of them. And there is a stigma around men being alone with young children.

Hannibal_Smith

mordeith wrote: »

Well no. My kids know plenty of other children but I don't know all the parents. I might see em at the school gate but don't converse with all of them. And there is a stigma around men being alone with young children.

Is there? I would hate to think when we invite kids over for a play date they would refuse if only my husband was there for fear he might do some thing to them? In fact, if someone thinks like that about me husband they can take their kid elsewhere :pac:

pwurple

mordeith wrote: »

Well no. My kids know plenty of other children but I don't know all the parents. I might see em at the school gate but don't converse with all of them. And there is a stigma around men being alone with young children.

The correct word for that “stigma” is sexism.

It is outrageous that anyone thinks this is normal. Sorry for wording it strongly but that really makes me livid.

Cianos

pwurple wrote: »

And aside from all that, here is a six year old child deprived of friends and social development because her dad assumes everyone thinks he is a sex offender by the nature of being her father instead of her mother.

That is just so sad, on every level.

Jesus, way to jump to conclusions much?

Please don't use sensationalised conjecture in the name of my daughter and I, just to reinforce your argument. None of what you said here is true.

My point was that whether we like it or not, there's a worry out there amongst some parents with sending their kid to be minded by a male.

The purpose of my question was to put it out there to others whether they feel that that sentiment is common enough that it would be deemed inappropriate for a male to suggest to another parent that they mind their child - not because it will result in the male being labeled a sex offender, but because it might put the other parent in an awkward position where they have to make a decision that they don't want to have to make and by their refusal of the invite be implying that they don't trust the male.

Obviously they could make up an excuse, but knowing whether it's a done thing or not is helpful.

Back on topic, she's got jigsaws, lego, paints, books, construction set, etc etc. She almost always only wants to play with them if it's with me though, rather than by herself.

If I'm making the dinner or doing whatever else, she's asking me every few minutes if I can do xyz, and I have to keep repeating I'm busy.

Again she's very well behaved and does understand these things need to be done, she doesn't throw a fit but I just don't like having to constantly brush her off and disappoint her - it'd be much better if she could happily entertain herself for a half hour.

I was wondering were there any games/challenges that would be good to keep her occupied. For example she really likes Block Hexa on my phone (fitting shapes into spaces, but it's actually good and challenging). If there was a physical equivalent of that that kept her focused/challenged that could be good.

CelticRambler

Cianos wrote: »

If I'm making the dinner or doing whatever else, she's asking me every few minutes if I can do xyz, and I have to keep repeating I'm busy.

Don't say you're busy: tell her what you're doing, tell her how long it's going to take, and invite her to help you. There's nothing you're likely to be doing in the house or garden that she can't assist with in some small way. Stop treating her like a little girl and give her something to do! :P

Cianos

CelticRambler wrote: »

Don't say you're busy: tell her what you're doing, tell her how long it's going to take, and invite her to help you. There's nothing you're likely to be doing in the house or garden that she can't assist with in some small way. Stop treating her like a little girl and give her something to do! :P

Ah I do explain what I'm doing alright, so that she understands. It's not always practical for her to help, but I do often give her little jobs to do.

Dravokivich

mordeith wrote: »

Well no. My kids know plenty of other children but I don't know all the parents. I might see em at the school gate but don't converse with all of them. And there is a stigma around men being alone with young children.

Its bullshot for lack of another way of putting it. You're just adding fuel to it posting crap like that.

Neyite

Cianos wrote: »

I'd happily have her friends over, problem is I'm a single dad so not sure if other parents would be happy for their kids to come over.

You know, it's worth asking - I'd have no issue with a dad doing the play dates. I'm a blow in new to the area where my kid is now in school and set up a whatsapp group for some of us to start doing play dates. We can also check school stuff with each other on it, and we help each other out for occasional childcare.

With a play date anyway the parents usually come over as well - or initially until they get to know the family a bit better.

Big Bag of Chips

If I know the father then I would have no issue sending my child to play with their friend. Do you know many of your daughter's friends? Do you know their parents? You seem to assume that people wouldn't like to send their child to a house with just a dad. But have you actually invited a child/children over and had excuses made?

Cash_Q

You've said that you give her little jobs to do when you're busy, but perhaps you could develop tasks for her that are purposeful so that she feels she is participating in what you're doing. Tell her in advance what you will be doing and what she will be doing, and what she can do if she finishes before you are finished. While it's not always practical for her to help with every step of a task, eg cooking, set her up with a basic busy activity like some potatoes/carrots to scrub. It doesn't matter if you need them or not. Perhaps a sorting activity eg. pour lots of uncooked pasta into a tub and she needs to sort them into individual bowls. It's irrelevant whether you need pasta in the meal you're preparing but she clearly wants to be in your company all the time. I have always hated being alone, so she may be the same. Link the task to what you're doing, eg laundry she can help to sort it, or get you the detergent from the cupboard. As she gets older she will become a more fluent reader and this could be an activity that she is happy to do alone but for now she is very young and her behaviour seems to be clearly communicating a desire to be with you, facilitate that as best you can.

heroics

mordeith wrote: »

Would I send my daughter around to a house where there is a man I probably don't know very well for a play date. No I wouldn't.
If I was said man would I be comfortable on my own with my daughters friends? No I wouldn't. All it takes these days is one misconstrued sentence from a child to be judged. **** yes, but also unfortunately the way things are now.

Not sure how to say this politely but this post has annoyed me more than it should. Maybe whatever backward kip your from this is normal but that is pure and utter bullsh1t in my opinion and it is people with attitudes like yours that lead to less men involved in coaching, teaching and in general being role models for kids.

I presume you also get the wife to cook change nappies look after the kids etc since only women can look after kids on their own. Not like they have ever been involved in hurting kids ffs.

A British retrospective prevalence study of 2,869 young adults aged 18-24 (May-Chahal & Cawson, 2005) found that mothers were more likely than fathers to be responsible for physical abuse (49% of incidents compared to 40%). However, part of the difference may be explained by the greater time children spend with their mothers than fathers. Violence was also reported to be perpetrated by stepmothers (3%) or stepfathers (5%), grandparents (3%) and other relatives (1%) (May-Chahal & Cawson, 2005).

mordeith

heroics wrote: »

I presume you also get the wife to cook change nappies look after the kids etc since only women can look after kids on their own.

Actually you couldn't be more wrong. I spent two years looking after my kids while my wife went back to work. Your stats, while very interesting I'm sure, have no bearing on the general public opinion. If you asked parents anywhere whether they would comfortable sending their young daughter to a playdate where the adult is a single male then if they were honest they would would be more reluctant than if it was a woman. I'm sorry you are all so sensitive.