Emotionally drained and totally lost

LegacyUser

Recently my life has taken a turn down a winding road. I work in a stressful job dealing with other people's crisis and as my 28th birthday approaches I have been reevaulating my own life and quality of relationships in it.
I'm recently seeing someone around 2.5 months. We met online and have had a lot of dates. Some intense. On Xmas Eve he confessed he wants to be in a relationship but finds me guarded and that I put everyone else first. We had our 1st date at a friends birthday party as he lived nearby the pub. He said he fell hard for me and that he is falling.

My friends have said that it's moving fast. Some friends have commented saying it is weird we had never met and decided to meet at the birthday. Others have said we have too many dates and it's weird I met some of his family so soon. My head is melted from the constant commenting on my love life. 2 of my friends have fallen out recently and I am in the middle not by choice. I'm trying to keep it together with all the unintentional drama going on but I am exhausted.
I'm worried about having these types of friendships when all I want is to do what makes me happy.
The new relationship has moved faster then planned and he is really nice. He treats me well and we have an unbelievable spark. I need to talk to him to let him know I need to take it slow but in this mood I am in I feel like pulling the plug and avoiding everyone.
I can't talk to anyone because I am everyone's support. But the truth is I feel so deeply unhappy and stressed in my job I'm trying to hide it but the facade is slipping.
I have no mental health issues and never had anxiety. I don't know if I'm just being hormonal but I am worried I may sabotage a good thing if I can't get it together.

Help!

mojesius

First of all, your friends sound pretty judgemental. There are no set rules for where/when you should meet for a first date, whatever works for both of you is what matters. Let them judge. Plenty of people I know have brought a first/second date out to the pub, not a big deal.

You said you're seeing him for 2 5 months, not a long time but in my experience, a long enough time to begin to gauge if you have a deeper connection outside 'dating' and begin to discuss where the connection is going. It sounds like he just wants to know where he stands with you. If the spark is there and he makes you happy, that's great! If he's being a bit more intense then you'd like, as you mentioned, talk it out with him. Maybe mention the pressure you're under with work so he knows your current thought process.

I'd suggest trying to limit the work pressure/stress. Can you speak with a manager to let them know that the work is affecting you? They should have procedures in place to help you. Please look after yourself right now by removing any unnecessary sources of drama in your life, e.g. friends fighting. Up to them to sort out their issues without dragging you into it.

Try to enjoy your free time with doing things you like, taking long walks, whatever makes you disengage from thinking about work. Switch the phone off if you need to detach - I went through a lot of work pressure a couple of years ago myself and had to learn to be selfish and cut out other people's problems when my mental health took a sudden nose dive. Look after yourself

evolving tipperary

Share with him what's happening, talk it out with him. Be very clear. And, just take it slow. Do not let a job do that to you. Is there any possibility of reconsidering the job or taking a different path or less responsibility?

MissShihTzu

Easier said than done, but tell your mates to sugar off and mind their own bloody business!!

I second the suggestion of having a chat with your manager. Are you due any leave? Maybe take a week off (If you can), don't see anyone just to give yourself some breathing space?

Try not to worry or over-think it. Things will work out - they always do.

Mind how you go.

Yellow pack crisps

Stop putting so much stock into other people. Concentrate on your own needs and wants first.

Big Bag of Chips

It's early days in a relationship that seems to be going well. I don't know what your friends' problems are. How/when/how often you meet is none of their business. Sounds like they're a bit miffed that you're not as available to them to listen to them bitchin' about each other and everyone else.

In our 20s we can be guilty of trying to be everything for everyone. Often the people you are trying to be everything for aren't very quick to return the favour. As you get a bit older you start caring less what people think and you're more likely to be comfortable in your own choices. If you can leave work behind when you walk out the door you will be less stressed. There's only so much 1 person can physically do, so accept that.

If your friends are only bringing negativity to your life you don't have to always be available to listen to them. It's ok to sometimes not be available, and its ok to sometimes say no.