Boyfriend.just told me his ex is pregnant

starmc14

So a month ago I started dating a wonderful guy. He is 39 and I am in my mid 30s. We get on brilliant and were making plans for the future, some of which have already happened such as meeting each others friends. Today he tells me his ex who he was in a casual relationship rang him to tell him she is 4.5months pregnant with his child. He told me they called it quits September. We havent yet slept together. My brain is fried as to whether to run or hear him ouy. Any thoughts, as I cannot think clearly.

thierry14

A baby

Run

You'll always be last now

LegacyUser

Walk away. It is early enough to do it without too much heartache. Stay strong and merry Christmas.

utyh2ikcq9z76b

DNA test

Atlantic Dawn

Run if you can't accept a child not yours permanently in your relationship, stay if you can.

lawred2

Leave

Ghekko

Run. He'll have lots of stuff to sort out with his ex for the next 18+ years and this could put a lot of pressure on your budding relationship.

leggo

Nothing to do with the kid, this lad is going to be all over the place for the next while (with you constantly bottom of the priority list, a month is nothing) and is in no ways ready for a relationship with this news. These things get messy with even the most responsible of people (they at least have to ask the question of whether they should get together for the sake of the kid and you won't even come into that; just a few months back they were still riding so no matter what he says the dust hasn't completely settled there) and you're most likely to get your head wrecked and hurt. I'd back out now and maybe when the situation clears you can give it another look if it still makes sense.

njs030

I'd end it. It's highly likely they could end up getting back together and to be perfectly honest you should give them every opportunity to do that for the sake of their family.
Even if they don't he has a lot to work out now and a new relationship that's so very young is going to be the last thing on his mind.

Your own relationship is at an early stage if you haven't slept together yet so it's definitely best to close the door before things get really tough.

JimmyAlfonso

Is she actually pregnant for sure or just jealous that he's moved on and trying to ruin that.

A wild thought given I don't know the girl but worth asking.

JackTaylorFan

I'd back off. Highly likely he was on the rebound with you anyway.

WIZWEB

I'm sorry OP but you've put far too much investment into this early dating stage considering how new the relationships really is. You can't be sure someone is wonderful when you barely even know them after a few weeks. He could be of course. Only time will tell. I certainly wouldn't be pushing or be pushed into serious future planning after a month together. Anyway all those plans may be falling by the wayside considering the newly presented scenario.

It would be longer than a month before I'd even consider introducing friends. Maybe that's just me but it's a lesson learned. It does sound like you're a rebound. He and his ex have maintained a strong enough attachment together up to very recently. Again the pregnancy might be an accident or calculated by either side to win the other back. I would certainly hear him out. However actions will tell you where you really stand not words. If a child is on the way then you might not be a priority for a long time if ever.

padser

Don't rule out the possibilities that this may turn out to be a much smaller deal than it first looks

- she may not be pregnant
- it may not be hid child
- 2/3% miscarry after 4.5 months

FCIM

JimmyAlfonso wrote: »

Is she actually pregnant for sure or just jealous that he's moved on and trying to ruin that.

A wild thought given I don't know the girl but worth asking.

I thought this. 4.5 months pregnant and it has taken her till now to find out? OK, it is possible but highly unlikely so I'd say there's a fair chance she's trying to throw a spanner in the works. She may be genuinely pregnant but it could be a shorter term that she's been pregnant or she might not be pregnant at all. If I was your boyfriend I'd want medical proof before I even worried about it.

The other thing to bear in mind is he hasn't done anything wrong even if it turns out to be true. He hasn't cheated on you. The other thing is when you're in your mid thirties the chances of getting with someone who doesn't have a child is slim, at least I would think it was. I think the guy deserves a chance.

amtc

What a nice Christmas Day thing to say to you? Would it have killed him to wait another day?

Seriously rather than his ex ringing him, he needs to go and see her.

This exact same situation happened to a friend of mine. She couldn't get over being so far down the list of priorities..he even forgot her birthday as was scan date.

In the future and given your age...not very far (sorry) could you cope with your first baby not being his?

On another point is there any possibility that this only came up now as you've met his friends and are now a serious threat? At 4.5 months...there would've been scans etc. At 12 weeks you wouldn't have known him

leggo

FCIM wrote: »

I thought this. 4.5 months pregnant and it has taken her till now to find out? OK, it is possible but highly unlikely so I'd say there's a fair chance she's trying to throw a spanner in the works. She may be genuinely pregnant but it could be a shorter term that she's been pregnant or she might not be pregnant at all. If I was your boyfriend I'd want medical proof before I even worried about it.

I thought the same but was more cynical of him than her: like did he know already but only act like he'd just found out? Or is she perhaps not as far along as he's saying because if he told the OP she was 4-6 weeks it'd raise seriously awkward questions (and he'll worry about the rest later)? But ultimately there's no evidence for any of the above and the OP already has a situation to be dealing with.

Btw to whoever brought up miscarriage rates: let's root for a healthy baby to be born and grow up happy ahead of a couple who's been going out a month. That's a kinda messed up thing to say...

Pelvis

OP, it's been a month and you're "making plans for the future"??

Just, no. Leave.

dellas1979

Pelvis wrote: »

OP, it's been a month and you're "making plans for the future"??

Just, no. Leave.

Errr yea. OP, no matter how "great" you think he is, you dont know him. Certainly not after 1 month. Youll be facing a babymoon period, not the first throes of love/honeymoon period of a new romance.

If it were me, that situation would not suit me.

B.A._Baracus

I'd walk as there are too many variables...

- Is she really pregnant with his baby...
- Is she pregnant but actually much shorter than he says. Waiting 4 and a half months to let someone know doesn't sound right.
- You only know him a month. A wet day sadly. For all you know he might get back with her for the sake of the child. Give it another go so to speak.
- Even if he doesn't get back with her and its absolutely true that it is his baby and pregnant for that long. His head with be in bits. Becoming a daddy and everything else.

You have to look out for yourself in this world. No truer is that when it comes to the heart and protecting it from getting broken.