What do I say to him after getting emotional?

LegacyUser

Hi all. So I'm 28 and been seeing my boyfriend for three and a half months. Things are really good between us and I'm pretty sure it's love on my part. I haven't had a very good relationship history and had sort of given up hope of meeting someone and was content just doing my own thing and being independent. I didn't have a very good childhood either due to my Mam's undiagnosed mental illness of some sort. If she has a bad day, things can be really tough as she can be insulting, abusive and nasty calling me names, and then spending a week or two not talking to me. This has hit me pretty hard as it has always been difficult going through life when the one person that's supposed to have your back hasn't been there. Christmases have always been a nightmare, everyone walks on eggshells around her and it's like we are just waiting for the part of the day where she will go off the handle. Because of this I was always pretty independent. One friend knows how bad things are but generally with other friends I would just show up to events/get togethers and get on with things even if my Mam had roared and shouted abuse at me. I guess it's just always been the way that I only ever felt comfortable enough to tell my best friend.

I have never spoken about this to my boyfriend and I guess it was going to come up at some stage but not how I planned. So we were chatting a few weeks ago about Christmas and he said how he loves it and spending time with his family when everyone is in such good form. I said I wish mine was the same but that my Mam doesn't be in good form around the time so Christmas is just something I get through but never looked forward to. Then I changed the subject and moved the conversation on and thought no more about it. Yesterday I called to my boyfriends house just expecting to go for a walk and make some dinner. He had the most lovely day planned for us, sort of our own little Christmas as I won't see him again until the 23rd. He had cooked us dinner, got Christmas crackers, had my favourite dessert and it was all just lovely. Obviously I was really thankful and asked why he went to such trouble. He said it wasn't a lot of trouble and that he thought it would be a nice thing to do. He said that he had been thinking about what I said when I mentioned Christmas is tough for me and he promised it would be a nice relaxing day and evening and that I would enjoy a Christmas dinner.
As the evening went on I felt myself getting emotional. I can honestly say nobody has ever done something that thoughtful for me before and I guess the emotions were because of that. I felt so appreciated and cared for which given my childhood history, means a lot to me. I think it also hit me that I am in love with him and obviously he has strong feelings for me too to do something like that. Anyway eventually out of nowhere I burst out crying. He was obviously shocked and didn't know where it came out of. I couldn't really explain why I was upset and just kept saying I was really happy and thanking him for the lovely day and evening. He pushed it a few times trying to get me to say what else was wrong and I ended up just saying could we forget it and continue on with the evening. I stayed over last night and everything seemed great and he didn't bring up the whole incident.
I guess I'm posting here because I'm hoping I haven't freaked him out with getting so emotional. It's not something one would necessarily expect after planning a lovely day and night. I want to explain to him why I got upset and that they were happy tears and how much his kind gesture meant to me. Maybe I should tell him about my Mam aswell as that probably contributed to getting so overcome by the whole thing. Just wondering if I will freak him out by telling him or have I already freaked him out by bawling my eyes out in the middle of having fun playing a board game?
Would a guy be turned off by a girl getting so emotional unexpectedly? Any ideas on what I can say to him would be welcome.

eet fuk

Definitely tell him, he seems like a good guy so there’s no reason not to

woodchuck

You don't have to make a big deal out of it. You could just tell him that you're sorry for getting emotional, but Christmas is usually a tough time for you and you really appreciated the gesture.

cailin.

I would say tell him whatever you feel comfortable with. Maybe start with saying that Christmas is a tough time for you because of your relationship with your mum and you were a little overwhelmed with how thoughtful your evening was.
It's important that you let him in at this point for the building of trust. If you brush it off he will sense that you're not being open. If you don't address it he will just feel like you're shutting down and it's generally better to communicate about these things.

TheIronyMaiden

I think if you feel comfortable telling him, go for it. He seems like a really sweet guy, and to be fair to him his reaction so far to you telling him that little bit about your dislike of Christmas was to try create a new memory for the two of you by putting on your own special dinner. To me that means he would probably react equally as understanding if you told him the full extent of it.
I can't see hin doing a complete 180 and freaking out about it if you know what I mean!

LegacyUser

Don't be embarrassed about crying. Similar background here and I just cried reading your story. Lucky girl and lovely guy by the sounds of it and a special evening well deserved.

Aspadeaspade

If it's any consolation OP, I know exactly, EXACTLY what your dilemma feels like. My mother is like yours, we've suffered with it for years. It sounds like you've got yourself a very sweet and thoughtful boyfriend though which is wonderful. I went to therapy to help me with the issues with my mother. It would probably benefit you as well. Enjoy your boyfriend and be good to yourself. Good luck. x

strandroad

I would give him a thank you card... "Thank you for creating this wonderful new Christmas memory for me, I never really had a chance to experience it like I did yesterday. I was moved to the point of tears and I appreciate how thoughtful you are so much. I'm so happy to have you in my life."

Find the biggest card you can!

And hold on to this new memory and the feeling that someone cares about you...

leggo

OP as a guy if a girlfriend did that with me, it wouldn't be something I'd freak out about. I'd be more thinking like, "Well that plan worked really well..." as long as he actually understands you were happy. It sounds like you're in a good situation and you should enjoy that. Tell him if you feel comfortable enough, the type of stuff you describe is surprisingly common, Christmas can be a tough time for a lot of people.

woodchuck

strandroad wrote: »

I would give him a thank you card... "Thank you for creating this wonderful new Christmas memory for me, I never really had a chance to experience it like I did yesterday. I was moved to the point of tears and I appreciate how thoughtful you are so much. I'm so happy to have you in my life."

Find the biggest card you can!

And hold on to this new memory and the feeling that someone cares about you...

Eh, I think that's a bit much! If anything that would scare me away...

cailin.

I would have to agree that while the card idea is a nice gesture, the verse would be a bit much for some people especially as it's a new relationship. Maybe just say it more casually.

SAMTALK

"He said that he had been thinking about what I said when I mentioned Christmas is tough for me and he promised it would be a nice relaxing day and evening and that I would enjoy a Christmas dinner."

Hold on to this guy OP. You said you just try and get through Christmas because your Mam wouldnt be in great form and he goes and does this for you.

I think you should be honest with him as he seems the type that will support you and you need this support.
OP there are good and kind people in this world and you were lucky to find one

Dixie Chick

He sounds like a lovely person. i am sure that you can tell him that you got overwhelmed because it was just so nice.

Ursus Horribilis

Your boyfriend sounds lovely and a real keeper. I think it's time to open up and tell him the truth though. It'll explain to him where the emotions came from. Also, it'll stop him inadvertently putting you into an awkward position regarding your mother.

osarusan

If you are comfortable with I'd explain it, so that he understands what brought it on, and doesn't have other reasons/scenarios niggling away at him.

Estrellita

Aren't you a lucky lady OP? He sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful boyfriend.

I think you should raise the subject with him, and just tell him he did nothing wrong. On the contrary, he did many things right. So they were happy tears. Tell him how much you appreciate what he did.

Now, I'm all for some honesty about your mum. I personally would say only that mum can be very difficult, and you haven't a great relationship with her. You can say it's always marred special occasions, that is why his gesture meant so much to you.

I think you could benefit from some counseling. Just to chat through what happened with your mum, I think you've internalised a lot of this. You need to remember your mother's problems shouldn't define who you are. You deserve nice times, nice Christmases etc. Your boyfriend sounds like he'd happily be part of them with you. You need to be able to move on with your life, make new memories of your own. Above all, stop dreading this time of year.

Hold on to that chap, he's a good one

LegacyUser

Thanks to all who replied. I explained the situation to my boyfriend the other night and he was very understanding. I guess the reason I got so freaked out was because it's the first lead up to Christmas I've ever enjoyed and I got overwhelmed by what he did. Part of me has always been afraid to tell people my situation and it was a big step to tell him but it didn't seem to phase him in the slightest. I told him it was worth more than any present and safe to say we are pretty smitten.
Thanks again to all who replied to my dilemma.