Another Marriage Breakdown

LegacyUser

I'm not sure where to start as things are a bit muddled in my own head still.

I am very unhappy in my marriage. We have been married 2 years and have a baby of 8 months. She's the light of my life.

There were a set of recurrent issues pre marriage and press baby but they were easy to brush under the carpet when I guess we were slightly less reliant on each other. The birth of our daughter has really highlighted the cracks.

My husband us not a bad person and can be really loving when he when he let's his guard down, unfortunately that's not very often. He is inherently quite a selfish man who lacks empathy and sees emotion as a weakness. He has two states, benign or angry but even the anger needs intense provocation. However, I'm seeing a lot more of it now that my own frustrations are at the surface. Our home is full of constant tension and is a very unhappy place. His solution? I need to get over it.

My issues in brief? My husband does very little around the house and has no appreciation for all I do. When he socialised drinks to excess. This is one source of problems. He also dabbles in Class A drugs. Our toilet seat has vomit stains since last Saturday which I'm refusing to clean. He was arrogant and aggressive all day Sunday as he was hungover.

He plans another big night next weekend. What a nice thing to look forward to before our daughters first Christmas. He doesn't see it like that as he's doing what makes him happy. We don't matter. He justifies it by saying it's not like he's doing it that often.

He regularly travels for work. He's often "too busy" on these trips to call home much. When I mention it he gets annoyed and makes me seem demanding.

I could go on but don't want to make this difficult to read.

My husband earns a large salary, I've only returned to work part time so I feel at a disadvantage. My parents are elderly and I'm afraid of what a marriage breakdown would do to them but I feel this is starting to affect my daughter and need to get us out. My husband thinks I'm bluffing and says he'll never leave our home. He's also threatening to use emails I sent when my daughter wa's a newborn asking him to come home early as I was struggling, against me. He didn't come home early for the record.

I've no idea what to do next

stove

Important to get support from somebody now, OP.

Somebody you trust like maybe a sibling or good friend. Very difficult situation for you but outside support will help.

Another option might be to contact a couples counsellor or service like ACCORD for example. You could attend on your own for a while until know how best to tackle this situation.

Of course if you are worried about safety of yourself/daughter then you need to get out no matter what your parents might think. Your health and safety is their priority too I'm sure.

Would not worry too much about the text.messages you mention that your husband has. Does not reflect too good on him if using them to threaten you.

Rubberchikken

Do you really want your child being raised by a mother who would stick with someone who does drugs?
You sound unhappy. He sounds unpleasant and not worth the effort.
At the end of the day you only owe yourself and your child the chance of a happy normal home. You dont owe anyone any explanations.
Maybe your parents realise a lot more than theyve let on. People can be afraid to speak up in situations like youve described for fear of losing the ones they love.

splinter65

The class A drugs is the deal breaker for me.
Right now your baby is only picking up on the tension.
When she starts crawling about and getting into everything , what is she going to find?
He’s planning a big blow out night for himself next weekend.
I wouldn’t be there when he drags his sorry backside home,
I’d be too afraid for my baby.

corcaigh1

Sorry to hear, but reading this something struck me...how did you end up marrying the guy in the first place with that attitude?

Bambi985

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP. That sounds so difficult and like such a lonely place to be, especially with a young baby to take care of. I'd echo others and say that you really need to lean on someone now, be it a close friend, sibling, relative or a therapist.

I hope you can have as decent a Christmas as possible. You'll get through this xx

pwurple

Www.rise.ie may be useful. It is for families dealing with addiction issues.

On the rest.. if you are asking how to get rid of him, well, it’s his house too, and there is no mention of violence, so that’s a barring order out of the question.

You could start down the legal separation route.

If you are asking how to change him, not possible. He has to do that himself.

SusanC10

OP - what I would do now is 3 things:-

Confide in someone you trust now - Friend, Sibling etc. Be completely honest with them.

Make plans to stay with your Parents overnight for that next night your husband has planned so that you are not there for the aftermath.

In January make an appointment with a Family Law Solicitor so you know what your Options are and any effects any decision you make will have on you and your baby.

Estrellita

FTMIndistress wrote: »

My parents are elderly and I'm afraid of what a marriage breakdown would do to them but I feel this is starting to affect my daughter and need to get us out.

You can't stay in an unhappy marriage to suit anyone else. While it may come as a shock to your parents, I can't imagine they would want you to suffer on the way you have been.

I know elderly people have quite strong views about remaining in marriage through troubles, but this is quite different. One of the problems involve drugs, and that's not to be taken lightly.

Your husband seems to suit himself, and disregard any concerns you have. The nasty little threat about those emails has me reeling with anger here. A new mum, just airing some stresses and having a rant or two about how hard it is being a new mum does not make her negligent. However, a court might be quite interested to hear of the class A drug use of the father.

It tells you all you need to know about him. You upset his cushty lifestyle and he will fight dirty. So with this in mind I think you should start seeking legal advice as soon as possible, with a view to separate from this man. I'm not going to tell you to seek marriage counseling. I can see why you are so unhappy, and I wouldn't advise anyone to remain in an unhappy marriage, especially when one is playing down and defending drug use.

You now have to do something very important for both yourself and your daughter. You owe it to give yourself and your baby girl a happy life. While that may initially bring a lot of upset to your lives, there will be a day you will be glad you put this into action. Your little girl already picks up on moods and emotions. I've three myself, the youngest is 7 months, and is like a little sponge. They don't understand, but know if the people they love are upset. You are their protectors after all. She will only become more and more receptive as she gets older.

Speak to your solicitor about beginning separation and advise him or her about the threats being made. I wouldn't worry about it, the courts are well used to mud slinging that goes on. His attempt to dirty your character will be seen right through.

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. I'm remarrying and I couldn't be happier. My problems weren't the exact same as yours in my previous marriage, but he was a bad egg and I'm so glad I ended it. The future might look grim now, but it will get a lot better once you take the reigns on this. Best of luck.

BuboBubo

corcaigh1 wrote: »

Sorry to hear, but reading this something struck me...how did you end up marrying the guy in the first place with that attitude?

My thoughts too, but that comment isn't helping the op.

My only advice is contact a solicitor, make an appointment and pour it all out. Discuss all separation options with a professional. Best of luck op.

Edit - marriage breakdown isn't a taboo, older people may be "set in their ways"but splitting up will benefit all your family, especially your baby. In time, they'll see it was best for you.

Ninja_Go

I would get out of there if I were you. Surely your parents won't want you to suffer in an unhappy, threatening marriage. He has absolutely zero respect for you by the sounds of things. Do you want your daughter seeing this is an acceptable way to be treated? Even at her young age, her experiences are shaping her and she will feel the stress, worry and upset from you. Put yourself and your daughter first. As others have said, threatening you with the message about coming home early is just dirty tactics and isn't any real leverage against you. His drug use and anger issues on the other hand. ..
I know its an awful time of year to go through with something like this but you deserve respect and happiness.

Mongfinder General

Husband sounds like a bit if a sh1t. If you drop him you'll need to work out life financially. Going from a large salary to whatever you earn part time plus maintenance may make life difficult for you. If your husband has addiction issues the court will take this into consideration - it may play out in his favour. He may also adduce other mitigating factors, it depends on what kind of personality he has.

njs030

Your child is the most important person here, any email you sent asking for help from your husband - her father only adds to how much of a good parent you are that you tried to get her father to support you.
All new mothers struggle and need to rely on their partner, you asked for help...so what??? He didn't even show up to support you so he should be ashamed of himself.
We've all vented as parents it's nothing to be ashamed of and no one would bat an eyelid at whatever those emails say. We've all said we need 5 mins peace to have a cup of coffee alone or wished they'd just shut up for a second!!!
You're not alone.

In a practical way would you prefer to wait until after Christmas to deal with this? Perhaps stay with your parents for his "big night out" and then when Christmas is over make plans to end it.
See a solicitor and work out what to do then perhaps?
Make decisions at a pace you're comfortable with.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

How did we end up married? People aren't either good or bad. Everyone has a bit of both and he has lots of good. I guess the addition of a child and the stress that brings has encouraged his bad traits to colour his personality more than they had.

That also brings me to why it's not so easy to walk away. He is not the stereotypical bad man so every time I get clarity on leaving a part of my brain kicks in that says hang on, are you mad? He's not that bad. I'm constantly second guessing myself. I see the excitement on my daughters face when he gets home in the evening and feel awful for taking that away from her.

But every time I talk to him he brings it back to how I've over reacted, that I shouted, everything I did wrong and ignores that fact his behaviour triggered it. I think I'm supposed to just grin and bear whatever is thrown at me!

WIZWEB

Hi OP. Firstly I feel for you and this toxic situation. I certainly wouldn't engage with Accord for counselling as their remit being Catholic run is to keep marriages together no matter how destructive. If you do consider counselling which you should I would suggest go alone elsewhere with the intention of healing from your tolerance for this disrespect. You will eventually need to leave him to recover. There's a range of behaviours you state and any one of which should motivate you to think seriously about divorce. Otherwise they'll escalate as he asserts more control.

Your priorities here must just be you and your daughter at this stage. You're in an abusive relationship. Family and friends should be supportive of you leaving it. Like many posts on here there's a display of significant Narcissistic traits among the victims abuser. The combined lack of empathy (biggest red flag), ongoing disregard, selfishness and use of what I'd guess to be Cocaine (their drug of choice) are serious red flags as indicators. Either way this situation is very toxic for you and your baby. I'm sorry but your unstated suspicions of what's he's up to when away are most probably also true.

WIZWEB

corcaigh1 wrote: »

Sorry to hear, but reading this something struck me...how did you end up marrying the guy in the first place with that attitude?

Not that your question is relevant but abusers tend to manipulate while grooming their future victims. A very different personality may have been displayed initially. None of us would enter an abusive relationship if presented with such actions from the beginning. Drip fed it we question our sanity. To give an analogy - A frog thrown in to a pot of boiling water would jump out. Slowly heated its demise is sealed.

Evidence show that emotional and psychological abuse often inflicts far more long-term damage to victims than physical. Not that this should ever be minimized knowing the ultimate consequence of tolerance.

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note OP, anonymous posts must be approved by a moderator before they become visible on the thread. It may take some time before a post is approved, but we will get to it in time. There is no need to post the same post multiple times.

Emme

OP check out the Women's Aid website www.womensaid.ie and go to a family law solicitor in the New Year. In the meantime do what you can to keep your little girl and yourself safe. Spend a few nights away from home with friends or family if you can.

Your parents might not like the idea of divorce but they might like the idea of a son-in-law on drugs even less. It doesn't matter whether he's an unemployed down and out drug abuser or a high-functioning professional drug abuser. The drugs are not having a good effect on him and it has spilled over into your marriage.

Good luck.

Ursus Horribilis

Ftmindistress wrote: »

How did we end up married? People aren't either good or bad. Everyone has a bit of both and he has lots of good. I guess the addition of a child and the stress that brings has encouraged his bad traits to colour his personality more than they had.

That makes a lot of sense. Most people are a mix of good and bad. Even women married to physically abusive men will say that there are some great times in their marriage. Most abusers don't have horns on their heads and they're not horrible all the time.

From what you've told us though, the overall picture points to a toxic marriage. At this stage, your child should be your priority. And even though your daughter's face lights up when she sees him, she'll also be picking up on the dysfunction.

Airyfairy12

Please leave OP, he's neglectful, self centered and emotionally abusive. People dont change after marriage, he is what he is. All you can do is accept that and remove yourself and your daughter from this draining and depressing situation.

MrJones1973

Im aghast at some of the posts advising you dissolve your marriage just like that based on a few sentences from the poster.

Firstly a lot of males dont adjust that well to fatherhood. A new baby is a turbulent event in everybody lives. Ask around. Rows are very very common. Even Id say among those on this page ready to get up on a high horse.

He should not be doing class A drugs but I know a few people who do so and yet keep jobs but yo are right to issue an ultimatum about stopping. He obviously keeps a job and is not high daily.
You need to arrange a sitter-go and have dinner somewhere and lay it on the line about the drugs. Show some empathy towards him and dont be aggressive.
As for the house cleaning-there isnt a woman alive who doesnt think their husband does enough but given the issue about the drugs I would park this and consider getting a cleaner. Deal with one issue at a time
As for being hungover -you need to set limits. He should be allowed out but only occasionaly
Look bottom line is-divorcing without giving the marriage a chance is extreme. At least consider counselling.
Men can be arseholes post children but becoming a single mother is no picnic. You owe it to your child to at least give the marriage a second shot.
I know the pharisees on this site dont like to hear the above but separation is no panacea.

Esme266

Hi.
I have been in a very similar situation. I have 3 kids. We were together 6 years and were engaged for 3 of them. He was selfish, likes to do what he wanted when he wanted. Was always going out. When he was drunk he was horrible. We all had to walk on egg shells around him for fear of setting him off. I finally made the decision to end it 2 months ago. It was the scariest thing I've ever done but my house is now a happy one. Believe me you are stronger than you think you are. They wear away at your self esteem and confidence over time that you doubt yourself and your abilities. Whenever I asked for help he would turn it around and say I wasn't coping and I was struggling. This made me feel like a bad mother so I stopped asking for help. You have to get out. They never change. You can't fix him. Honestly it feels impossible now but you will get through it.

dartboardio

I have no experience with marriage / marriage breakdown or having a baby but my advice is to get out asap. at least you realise this is not the environment you want your daughter growing up in, this is the first step!

This man is no good for you or her and you both will be better off without him. Don't let him control you any longer.


Mumsnet has fantastic people on there and advice, many in the same /similar boats which if I were you I would go seek extra advice. The women there are fantastic.


Good luck with everything you do. X

davmol

OP-going against the grain here but have you discussed with your husband these issues?
Would you try counseling?
I know people that work in highly paid and stressed jobs and they blow off by using drugs.BTW using cocaine occasionally is NOT a red flag for a relationship.
I personally know many people who use cocaine recereationally and hold down high powered jobs with no difficulty and who also happen to be great Partners/fathers etc.
We all get hung over occasionally.If the relationship is gone too far then fine but your situation sounds familiar to a case i know and the people did work things out.It wasn't easy but they are in a great place now.

MrJones1973

Again I would be careful to follow advice of posters who say-after your ten sentences-to leave asap . Unqualified pop psychologists . Get counselling . Together. Then decide. Only a fool would suggest to a total stranger to leave their husband based on two paragraphs. A trained marriage counselor will advise you .

WIZWEB

MrJones1973 wrote: »

<Snip>

I am qualified as a social worker and also a criminologist. In my professional and personal experience abusers (which he definitely is based upon the evidence presented) do not change when their dysfunctional behaviours are being enabled. The emotional and psychological abuse will in many circumstances increase the longer it is tolerated. It may even escalate to violence which is possible from combining certain class A substances with his highlighted aggressive personality.

If her partner refuses to address his highly toxic issues then she needs to protect herself and her child. If that ultimately means divorce as an escape then so be it. He's not exactly acting like he's in a marriage anyway. Ironically even a threat of such boundary setting can encourage some abusive partners to seek therapy. It can also motivate others to inflict violence as their control and power is threatened.

If he voluntarily and proactively engages in therapy only then consider staying. Unfortunately on what the OP has stated most likely he will not for long if at all. In my experience a relationship counsellor will not deviate much from what I am stating here. I highly recommend that the OP sees one alone to be able to express herself honestly without fear. If they do go as a couple a good counsellor presented with the evidence above would recommend her seeing one alone anyway.

Noodles81

davmol wrote: »

<Snip>

I must be very naive but any drug use IS a red flag and no way would I tolerate it. Especially with innocent children in the home.

The least you should expect is a partner who puts his wife and child before a piss up with the lads who then makes you feel bad about his behaviour.

You deserve better OP and so does your daughter.

MrJones1973

WIZWEB wrote: »

<Snip>

Nothing up here I would disagree with. I still think a lot of her problems are typical for a couple with a new baby. Single parenthood is no picnic and often leads to more social problems. I think you over step the mark by saying its unlikely he will engage in counselling-a person you have never met?? I also think the over use of the word abuse is worrying. It seems nowadays practically everything is abusive leaving hardly any word for serious issues.

JMNolan

WIZWEB wrote: »

I am qualified as a social worker and also a criminologist.

No offense but can you prove this?

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note

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People come here asking for advice and opinion. Posters offer it. The OP is free to accept or disregard any or all of it if they so wish. But the whole raison d'être of this forum is a place where people do come and ask for advice from people they assume are not professional counsellors.

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utyh2ikcq9z76b

The guy is out working hard, travelling all over, which must be stressful and you being a stay at home mum until recently still expected the guy to help in the home, what exactly would you be contributing to the relationship then? Sounds like he is a casual drug user like most people (coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, weed) and with the job and responsibility he has I highly doubt he is an abuser. By your own admission hes not a bad man. Surely he is able to go out over xmas without you guilting him with 'childs first xmas' no wonder tension is high in the home with such emotional blackmail

LegacyUser

Jessica Ugly Fruitcake wrote: »

The guy is out working hard, travelling all over, which must be stressful and you being a stay at home mum until recently still expected the guy to help in the home, what exactly would you be contributing to the relationship then? Sounds like he is a casual drug user like most people (coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, weed) and with the job and responsibility he has I highly doubt he is an abuser. By your own admission hes not a bad man. Surely he is able to go out over xmas without you guilting him with 'childs first xmas' no wonder tension is high in the home with such emotional blackmail

Sweet god , probably best to completely ignore this OP .

Eric Cartman

Jessica Ugly Fruitcake wrote: »

The guy is out working hard, travelling all over, which must be stressful and you being a stay at home mum until recently still expected the guy to help in the home, what exactly would you be contributing to the relationship then? Sounds like he is a casual drug user like most people (coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, weed) and with the job and responsibility he has I highly doubt he is an abuser. By your own admission hes not a bad man. Surely he is able to go out over xmas without you guilting him with 'childs first xmas' no wonder tension is high in the home with such emotional blackmail

I would second this.

Before 8 months ago was your husband going out on the weekends and using class A's (im going to guess you mean a bit of cocaine and not being out of it on LSD for a whole day) ?
A lot of high earners / high stress workers use drugs and drink to wind down. If you magically thought that would dissapear once you had a kid then thats on you.

If the guy is helpful with the baby and perfectly nice during the week but likes getting a bit messed up on the weekends then that I can understand. Is he ever angry with you regularly about things that arent you complaining about the drink and drug use. If this is what he used to do before baby/marraige/etc... then I can completely see why he's getting mad with you expecting him to change.

nikkibikki

Sweet Jesus some of the advice here is just....bizarre!

OP. I say this to a lot of people who talk to me about relationship difficulties. It's up to you to deem what is acceptable to you in a relationship. Likewise for your husband. But you wouldn't be posting here if his behaviour was acceptable.

Now, you are also your child's advocate. Do you want her to grow up in a home like this? Watching you accept what you are accepting? Bear in mind that children learn behaviour from those around them.

For the record, class a drug use in or outside of the home to me would raise more than a red flag for me in a relationship, it'd be curtains for sure if it was in the home that my children share. People have their own opinions on drug use and that's fine for them and their lives but it's not ok to belittle the OP's feelings on this. Drug use, and I include alcohol here, becomes a problem when it effects family, work, relationships etc. This is a problem. It's absolutely not unreasonable to expect a parent to want the other parent to be around for their child's first, and every, Christmas. It's also not unreasonable, nowadays especially, for Dads to be hands on parents and partners.

nikkibikki

FTMIndistress wrote:

My husband earns a large salary, I've only returned to work part time so I feel at a disadvantage. My parents are elderly and I'm afraid of what a marriage breakdown would do to them but I feel this is starting to affect my daughter and need to get us out. My husband thinks I'm bluffing and says he'll never leave our home. He's also threatening to use emails I sent when my daughter wa's a newborn asking him to come home early as I was struggling, against me. He didn't come home early for the record.

Just on this paragraph, your daughter trumps your parents feelings here. I doubt they would want you to put what you perceive to be their needs above hers.

There's no shame in struggling with a new baby. It takes 2 people to make a baby, 2 people have responsibilities. It's a thousand percent reasonable to reach out to your husband for support. It sounds like you are doing this mostly on your own as it is anyway.

Two questions. Is he driving under the influence of any drug? Is he responsible enough to care for your daughter alone?

homerjay2005

FTMIndistress wrote: »

Our home is full of constant tension and is a very unhappy place. His solution? I need to get over it.

My issues in brief? My husband does very little around the house and has no appreciation for all I do. When he socialised drinks to excess. This is one source of problems. He also dabbles in Class A drugs. Our toilet seat has vomit stains since last Saturday which I'm refusing to clean. He was arrogant and aggressive all day Sunday as he was hungover.

OP, while its very difficult to understand from just a few posts on internet, you seem to put 100% of the blame on him and him only.

you present him as a big drug user that does nothing around the house and doesnt help when im pretty sure the reality maybe slightly different and you could be over exaggerating the issues.

maybe a little part of the issues are your doing and the next step is for you both to speak to somebody and try work on them. i think ye both need to be more mature to be honest and theres blame on both sides.

up for anything

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I would second this.

Before 8 months ago was your husband going out on the weekends and using class A's (im going to guess you mean a bit of cocaine and not being out of it on LSD for a whole day) ?
A lot of high earners / high stress workers use drugs and drink to wind down. If you magically thought that would dissapear once you had a kid then thats on you.

If the guy is helpful with the baby and perfectly nice during the week but likes getting a bit messed up on the weekends then that I can understand. Is he ever angry with you regularly about things that arent you complaining about the drink and drug use. If this is what he used to do before baby/marraige/etc... then I can completely see why he's getting mad with you expecting him to change.

This is not even advice. It sounds like your husband posting to justify himself. I'm actually laughing reading it.

homerjay2005 wrote: »

OP, while its very difficult to understand from just a few posts on internet, you seem to put 100% of the blame on him and him only.

you present him as a big drug user that does nothing around the house and doesnt help when im pretty sure the reality maybe slightly different and you could be over exaggerating the issues.

maybe a little part of the issues are your doing and the next step is for you both to speak to somebody and try work on them. i think ye both need to be more mature to be honest and theres blame on both sides.

What do you extrapolate all that from? What do you think she exaggerating? The class A drugs. Most people who post here don't post an idealised version of their problem as they want honest reactions therefore the OP has probably not exaggerated and in fact is more likely to have minimised. A lot of men do absolutely nothing round the house. It's not unusal although more so these days.

Sounds to me, OP, like your husband not just with the routine of marriage and the added pressure of a baby which is huge, also feels more secure and therefore his present behaviour is probably his normal which he may have downplayed and hidden before marriage. He seems set on an abuse path and if it includes drugs and alcohol then it's a downward path for you and your child. Arrogant and agressive will become the norm and more. People who abuse do not change especially because they put all the blame on the other person and keep it there firmly. If you have no back up and are worried as to how he will react if you end the relationship contact Safe Ireland and get help with a leaving safely plan.

Neyite

It sounds like counselling might be a solution for you - either alone to work out your feelings, or together if you want to salvage your marriage. Thing is though, he doesn't take you seriously so if you are going to issue ultimatums then you do need to be prepared to see them though.

It sounds like you were fine with him being the party guy/ working away and that marriage/pregnancy and becoming a parent has shifted that view for you. That's what babies tend to do and usually to both parents but it sounds to me that your life has changed immensely whereas his hasn't so much. And he can't see what the problem is there. From his pov, it may feel like you are moving the goalposts on what you were happy with (drugs, partying) before you got married and from your pov it may have been fun while it lasted but it's time to grow up now?

I do think that it's worth giving it a proper try with counselling. Maybe a few sessions yourself then a few joint ones?

Eric Cartman

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A lot of high earners / high stress workers use drugs and drink to wind down. If you magically thought that would dissapear once you had a kid then thats on you... If this is what he used to do before baby/marraige/etc... then I can completely see why he's getting mad with you expecting him to change.

Most people man up and change their priorities -
decidedly juvenile ones in the case of this guy - with that young, defenceless life to protect. And, very often, a vulnerable and exhausted wife to protect. This is instinctive to most of us. It's a challenge, this growing up and catching the fúck on stuff. It's not meant to be easy, and many men go into a depression with the shock of the reality of a child and how their old freedom is no longer possible. We have to face up to it, not hide by continuing on as normal.

And perhaps if he can't hack his supposedly "high stress" job without taking drugs he should... change jobs?

And if he is on such a high salary maybe he could buy his way out of it by paying somebody to help his wife - at least until the coward stops escaping into drug use, grows a pair and faces up to his responsibilities?

Eric Cartman wrote: »

If the guy is helpful with the baby and perfectly nice during the week but likes getting a bit messed up on the weekends then that I can understand.

There's a competition between sheer stupidity and abject ignorance in this comment, and it's hard to tell what's winning. Perhaps Daddy could leave a note for the baby with his drug-taking schedule and when not to wake up/get sick/cry etc during the night?

homerjay2005

FTMIndistress wrote: »

He has two states, benign or angry but even the anger needs intense provocation.

im surprised how this part is being ignored. this gives my impression the OP is deliberating trying to cause problems.

if it was the other way around, people would be saying she is being emotionally abused.