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Crossdressing husband

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  • 13-12-2017 1:39am
    #1
    Mary francis
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭


    Hi, my husband of 6 yrs told me a few days ago he is a crossdresser, does anyone know of any groups or anybody i could talk to, my head is all over the place and im very sad and upset


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    #2
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Hi

    Sorry to hear, OP. Finding that out after 6 years of marriage, that's not an easy thing to have to deal with. It's understandable you feel upset.

    You asked for groups? No, I don't know of any specifically for wives and partners of crossdressers. Sorry.

    But since you did say, you seem quite upset - and rightly so - I would suggest you find a counselor who specializes in this type behaviour. But that's your call.

    Best I can do is this:
    http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx

    - leaving my personal feelings about TENI aside, the site does contain a directory of support groups and counselors/therapists that deal with crossdressers (although probably not aimed at their spouses).


    Good luck


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    #3
    Mary francis
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭Mary francis


    Thank you for your kindness, i will ring some of those groups and get a recommendation for a counsellor, i need help to process, i cant stop crying, thank you


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    #4
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Mary francis wrote: »
    Thank you for your kindness, i will ring some of those groups and get a recommendation for a counsellor, i need help to process, i cant stop crying, thank you

    You are more than welcome.

    Wishing you well


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    #5
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Hi OP, I don't want to make assumptions, but it might be helpful for you to hear an assurance that most men who cross dress aren't gay, or indeed are not actually that likely to be transgender- crossdressing and trangenderism used to be seen as the same thing but they are fundamentally different.

    If you think about it, most women are actually "crossdressers"- we wear trousers, shirts etc that were originally for men. TBH I know lots of women- not neccesarily lesbians- who wear guys underwear fairly regularly. They're comfy!

    I undestand it's probably a massive shock to learn something new that seems so huge, but try not to overreact unneccesarily. Your husband being a crossdresser likes has zero effect on how he sees you or your relationship.

    best of luck anyway.


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    #6
    Malayalam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,188 ✭✭✭Malayalam


    I can understand why you are sad. It is a very big secret part of someone to discover after a reasonably long time together, and it is relevant to your marital relationship. People might say it is not relevant to sex, but one has to fancy the person they are having sex with in marriage, and fancying someone would be affected in one way or another by such information. People might tell you that you can accommodate it, and perhaps you can in an overall picture, but if you cannot I think that is understandable too. It would be better if people are honest with each other early on and not just lump out a big thing like that years in and expect the other to deal with it. Why could he not have told you that he likes to cross dress before you married and then you could have made a decision one way or another - completely up to you how you would have chosen, but at least you would have done so in full knowledge of the facts.


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    #7
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,652 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Does he wear the womens clothes outside the home?
    That would be a big thing i'm sure for anyone to come to terms with. He should have told you years ago in fairness.
    I don't know what causes people to crossdress but I wouldn't like it and can understand your hurt.
    I hope he goes to the counsellor.


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    #8
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Malayalam wrote: »
    It would be better if people are honest with each other early on and not just lump out a big thing like that years in and expect the other to deal with it. Why could he not have told you that he likes to cross dress before you married and then you could have made a decision one way or another - completely up to you how you would have chosen, but at least you would have done so in full knowledge of the facts.

    He may not have known. I know I have changed a huge amount since I got together with my now wife. I'm only coming to terms myself with parts of my gender expression and identity now, at 35. People change a lot over the years, it's natural.


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    #9
    cgcsb
    Registered Users Posts: 9,282 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Hi Mary,

    Is it a sexual thing, like he gets a kick out of it? I'm assuming it's not a case that he wants to be a woman?


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    #10
    Caroline7
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭Caroline7


    When he was about 15 I found out my brother liked to crossdress. Says he'd been doing it since he was about 12.
    Only does it occasionally and mostly at home.
    It doesn't change how I feel about him one bit, he's the brother I love .
    For the record he's totally straight.

    Sit down and talk to your husband Mary Francis. You need to know more.


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    #11
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,621 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    Many if not most men who are into cross dressing aren't transgender or gay. It's just that they like lady's lingerie and clothing.

    But I can understand your confusion and upset OP. Sit down with your husband and have a frank discussion with him and see if you both can come to an arrangement.


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    #12
    JHamilton
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭JHamilton


    Mary francis wrote: »
    Hi, my husband of 6 yrs told me a few days ago he is a crossdresser, does anyone know of any groups or anybody i could talk to, my head is all over the place and im very sad and upset

    Hi Mary Francis,
    This is actually my first post. I browse normally but figured I could offer some insight!
    I'm a 30 year old crossdresser. My nearest and dearest know about this and I am tremendously happy with my decision to tell them. I did, however, fear that I wouldn't have the courage to do so. If you were to know my "normal everyday" self I could be one of the last guys you'd think who'd crossdress. For this reason I had a huge fear that I could never tell anyone - I'd be ridiculed. Crossdressing still remains something which some people still think it's okay to point and laugh. Thankfully the world is changing but for the day we live in today it's still daunting for the straight male crossdresser. I do love dressing up, accesorising, expressing a feminine side and all that. But otherwise I'm still just Liamo lol. My perspective is that guys and girls each have their own position on a "masculine-feminine" spectrum. I'm just position further down the feminine side than most guys. But still a guy... if it makes any sense!


    Not for a second do I support not being honest and row in with those before me saying he should have fronted up. I thought I might offer my 2 cents in an effort to help you get your head around such a seemingly confusing topic.
    I hope it helps, any other queries and I'm glad to listen!

    J


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