Christmas has me very depressed.

shalena

I am 25. I used to love Christmas. It seemed so much more magical when I was younger and believed in Santa and had younger brothers and sisters. I convince myself that Christmas is my favourite time of the year but for the past 5 years I have tried my utmost best to get into the Christmas spirit but it doesn't work and then on Christmas night I cry everytime not because Christmas is over but because i didnt enjoy any of the build up to it .
I watch Christmas films, listen to music, go to church, buy gifts. My family don't really get on too well, even my parents and siblings don't. We don't mingle with our cousins or aunts and uncles, therefore I feel like I'm missing out on these "family party's" everyone goes on about. Over the passed week I have felt very depressed and have cried a lot. Everyone is so happy and going out partying and putting Christmas things up on social media and im so depresssd. I want to meet up with friends but they are all booked up with plans with family. Meanwhile i am at home watching christmas films on my own hoping to get into the spirit. Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone any words of reassurance or help for me? The older I am getting the more I feel like it gets harder to get into the Christmas spirit.

Xterminator

Hi Op

Christmas is no longer a time of magic for you. Sorry to say it is normal. Eating, Drinking and family get-togethers are not everyone's cup of tea.

I can tell you my expereince. one of the best christmases i had was a time when i was lucky enough to have the opportunity to help out another family. I suggest volunteering is a great way to help out and at the same time get back that feeling of christmas being special. check out https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055369678 from last year for ideas.

As i got older, having children being able to vicariously enjoy it through them rekindled the magic, and possibly made it even better. Hopefully you will have that to look forward to.

Tenigate

Winter is a depressing time for a lot of people. Personally im going to Spain for a week just after xmas. I'll no doubt enjoy xmas day, eat and drink plenty, but like you, I've a bit of sadness around that time of the year. So i need something else to look forward to.

It's a bit sad you're 25 wishing santa would come. In Eastern Europe and asia many young people are married with kids. Instead in "the west" we have this sense that our adolescence lasts til we're in our 30s.

I guess, keep busy. Volunteer. Get up early and go for a walk. Don't let the existential dread set in. Have at least one day just to yourself in the run-up to xmas where you switch off your electronics and planning and just relax.

morebabies

Christmas movies and also Christmas ads portray a horribly unrealistic image of happy families at Christmas, and I'd say it's only a small minority of families that really really enjoy Christmas to be honest. Remember social media will normally only just show you the best bits of people's lives, not the messy crying and stress that goes on behind closed doors.

I always felt like I was on the outside looking in at others having a great family time, but what I've realised since is that there are strains and simmering tensions under the surface of a lot of what appear to be picture perfect families. I've seen relations crying about how they hate Christmas, I've seen a drunk family get into a violent brawl in front of children on Christmas day. I think eastenders could be a little closer to the truth actually.

If you're a person of faith, (you said you attend church) maybe read scripture to help you understand the first Christmas, it was pretty violent actually, with the threat of death hanging over Jesus even as a baby. The cross was never far from the crib.

That's what I would do anyway, strip Christmas of all its made up hype, and pressure to feel like you're having a great time, and make it something more personal and meaningful for you. I like the suggestion of maybe volunteering, even seeing if there's a way of helping out at a local old people's /homeless Christmas dinner Hope this helps.

beans

I'd like to sing the praises of SAD lamps. I have one that I spend 20 minutes with first thing in the morning, and I'd like to think it helps.

bee06

OP, I get where you are coming from. I went through something similar in my early twenties. I’m the oldest and my youngest sibling is quite a bit younger so we had Santa for a long time. Then Christmas went from knowing exactly the same every year to changing and every year as we get older it changes again. Siblings and I have gotten married and spent Xmas with the In-laws, gone travelling etc. This year I’m heavily pregnant and have no idea what I’m doing for Christmas. I could be home with a little baby, in hospital or sitting on the couch like a beached whale!

You have to accept that life moves on and it won’t be the same as before. Make new traditions for your friends (organise a Xmas night out well in advance), a siblings night out, whatever it is and make the most of what you do have rather than what it used to be. You also have to accept that it may not be great every year. Even the people who are talking about their family events and looking like they are having amazing times on Facebook are more than likely fighting with family members etc.

roro1990

Tenigate wrote: »

It's a bit sad you're 25 wishing santa would come. In Eastern Europe and asia many young people are married with kids. Instead in "the west" we have this sense that our adolescence lasts til we're in our 30s.

The rest of your advice was sound but this section is bizarre. In the Western world that's not the impression I get at all. In fact, there is a serious pressure on people to be married and settled by 30 years old, and when people make it to older than 30 without these things, they are left feeling like they don't fit into the neat boxes that everyone else seems to make for their lives.

The truth is that everyone is unique, and not everybody goes through life at the same pace. Life is not a series of events that need to be ticked off by certain ages, and trying to compartmentalize it like that is a surefire way to feeling terrible about how it's going.

Also, I don't think OP was wishing Santa would come at all. He/She misses the magic of Christmas they had when they were younger; it's a pretty normal feeling.

LynnGrace

OP, you mention feeling depressed. Please do seek help for that, talk to your GP.

Christmas can be difficult for many people for a myriad of reasons. It is not the happy clappy event portrayed in ads and movies for many people. It can, in fact, exacerbate family tensions, because oftentimes people are in close proximity, for a longer period than they would be, at other times of year. You mention that there are family issues, so that is more than likely contributing to your feelings.

What would YOU like to do at Christmas? I'm not asking you to answer that here, but do have a think about it.

Promise yourself that you will do whatever it takes, to get through the few days, but don't build expectations on it being your favourite time of year. Plan something to look forward to in the New Year.
Please do make an appointment with your doctor meanwhile.

All the best, and take care.

BetsyEllen

You need to stop trying so hard. It's not good for your head.
You're sitting at home watching Christmas films to try and force yourself to 'get into the Christmas spirit' and that's not good.
Try to forget about how you should be feeling and focus on other things that actually make you happy.

I don't like Christmas either. I'm 31, no partner and no kids but I still try to enjoy myself...it's a few days off work with plenty of food and drink so I won't turn my nose up

I just view it as a day where we eat a glorified Sunday roast, exchange a few presents and have a few drinks. The days before and after it, I'm just carrying on with my normal life.

Maybe next year you could look into going away? Somewhere sunny to really get away from it all.
Start a new tradition for yourself that you can look forward to each year, change December from a depressing month to an exciting one.

Plenty of places need volunteers over Christmas. If you don't fancy being around people, animal charities run all year round - I volunteer for the Dogs Trust and the doggies still need feeding, cuddling and walking on December 25th

sashafierce

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miamee

Christmas has been built up into this big, happy, perfect holiday thanks to media, social media, tv, films, etc. But it's really just another day. You're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to enjoy what you think you should enjoy. Just have a think about what you'd like to do with your few days off and make a few plans (yes even plans to do stuff alone if friends are busy).

I've had some lonely Christmases even with a great family all around me, really it can be very isolating. Take the pressure off yourself, stop watching Christmas movies unkless you really feel like you want to watch them - watch whatever you like. Indulge yourself a little, buy yourself a nice pressie, eat nice things, take time to do things you like at home and enjoy the time in your own way - not the way you think you should enjoy it.

santana75

Op I was in the same position as you, right down to the family situation. And I believe this is the source of your pain, seeing that other folks have big close families while you dont have all the trimmings that goes with that. This is a painful loss to face up, no doubt about it. And so thats exactly what you have to do, face it, or more to the point, allow it. Our instinctive reaction is to run from pain and distract yourself from it, but all that does is keep you on a treadmill, always running away from the pain that you think will overwhelm you. But it doesnt. Trust me if you stop resisting, let your guard down and actually invite that pain in, it will do its thing and then its done. So dont hide at home, go out shopping, go to events, and be right in the middle of it. If you see happy families and feel sad, let it happen, allow yourself to feel sad and to grieve your loses. But then wish those families well(to yourself)and say that someday you'll create what you've lost. Because its up to you to create in the world what you wish for. And then someday you'll look back to now and see how embracing your pain was actually a gift.

Ursus Horribilis

Are you upset about Christmas because it's reminding you about things that aren't going so well for you in your life? You sound lonely and quite down. Maybe if you were happier in yourself, Christmas wouldn't be upsetting you the way it does. For many people, Christmas day is a bit crappy. I don't know how many people actually experience that wonderful Hollywood Christmas we see on TV every year? If you're not feeling the best, looking at those sorts of films is probably the worst thing you could be doing.

The suggestion of doing volunteering on Christmas day is a good one. If that's not an option, try sticking some music/podcasts on your phone and go for a walk. Christmas Day is only just one day at the end of it all. Admittedly, a long boring day if you're feeling a bit crap but it'll soon be over. Once Stephen's Day has passed, it's all over and you might as well put the tree away. Are you absolutely sure that over the Christmas break, your friends won't have any free time to spend with you? If you had something lined up to look forward to, that'd help .

Malayalam

As a commercialised holiday Christmas is pretty crap. As a forced family fun time it's not always cool for everyone either. As a time of spiritual reflection it has potential, one year closing, another opening up. As a celebration of the cycle of light and dark, seasons turning astronomically speaking, there is a lot to be said for it. Long walks, awareness of nature, silence, the elements, the cosmic pause in the depths of Winter, all this kind of thing can give new meaning when you have outgrown the superficial. Let go all expectations of the way things used to be and let things be as they are. There is beauty and joy in the small things, be easy on yourself x

zoobizoo

Hey OP,

I understand where you are coming from but I think I went through something similar at a younger age... a real sense of loss.

It was the last piece of magic that we have in our lives as kids... The excitement, the days off school, the not needing to worry about anything and loads of food and films for two whole weeks.


I come from a large family who are close and it's not all sitting around the fire place drinking eggnog and playing charades. Never has been.

I think you need to accept the fact that your old Christmas is gone and to embrace a new type, one that is more realistic and one where you can develop your own and maybe a truer Christmas spirit.


What I do is I ignore Christmas until the 23rd of December.... as much as I can. I change stations if there's Christmas music on, I don't buy presents and I leave everything until the last minute.

Then on Christmas Eve I go shopping.... flip me but it's a buzz.... everything is a rush, I'm milling about, bags of shopping, presents , Kris Kindle for family members... and then home to make a trifle for the next day.

Then when I wake up on Christmas Day, I venture out on the quiet streets and breath in the fresh air and reflect on where I am, how my year has been and smile that it's Christmas. I head over to my folks and keep busy in the kitchen making the dinner....

I have no expectations for the day - I presume it'll be grand and if it's better than that, bonus.


In terms of friends, catch up for a coffee or a pint as others have suggested after a nice walk in the hills or by the sea. Know that the days are getting longer and that spring is just around the corner.


And buy yourself a nice Christmas gift... one that you'd never normally buy....

dd972

Find Xmas day bloody boring, don't mind the rest of it though, football on every night, International weekends are worse.

Thinks it's the lack of daylight more than anything that produces this low feeling, it was probably part of the thinking in it's origins as a pagan mid winter festival to celebrate the fact that everybody is getting past the shortest day.