Going out at 16

wintersolstice

My husband is very strict with our 16yr old daughter and he doesn't let her go out with her friends at weekends.As a result all of the girls who she had been friendly with have moved on and left her behind.she is now incredibly lonely and has no one to hang around with either in or out of school.Im wondering if she should be allowed go out with them bearing in mind that it's mostly pubs that they go to even though they are under age. Does anybody have any solution and do all 16and17yr olds go out to pubs?

Toots

I went to the pub the odd time when I was 17 going 18, but not at 16. Back then it was ok for teens to be in the pub at any time, once they weren't drinking, but now they're not supposed to be in there after 9pm. Is it definitely the pub they're going to and not a field?

silverharp

the other question, 16 in 4th year or 16 in 5th year. if in 4th year I'd say get up the yard.

XsApollo

What’s the point in holding her back really.
She’s gonna be free to do what she like soon anyway.
It’ll Just make her resent you and then she could unleash later.
Give her some ground rules ,ie not coming home scuttered or getting in trouble.
Give her a bit of freedom.

The reality is everybody is at it anyway.

SusieBlue

Is she not allowed out to socialise with her friends at all, or is it just pubs that are the issue?

Because if its the case that she has never been allowed go to the cinema or to around town shopping with her friends at the weekends I'm not surprised she's miserable.

JamieHP

A friend of mine wasn't really allowed out when he was 16, even when he was 17 and we were going to clubs or pubs or whatever, once he hit 18 he went of the rails, where as the rest of us were grand because we were used to it. Honestly, if you trust her and think she's mature enough I say let her free.

We were going to pubs when we were 16 but our parents didn't know about it (or so we thought ).

You say your husband is "very strict" with your daughter. Yet she is open enough with you that you are aware of what her plans would be IF she was allowed to go out with her friends and her reward is that she is not allowed out with them ... it's a recipe for disaster and I suspect this isn't the only thing he's strict about.

How about a little trust?

EIREDriver

It is good that your daughter has told you and your husband where her friends go. If it's the fact that alcohol is involved, maybe my story will help.

I started drinking when I was 16, told my parents after a few nights out as I was fed up of trying to hide the smell after going out. They were ok with this, bit disappointed I think that I had started without telling them- but let me go out every so often and have a few with friends.

They put a limit on drinking, 2 pints. Of course I went over this but only by 2 or 3.

They also started buying me cans and bottles so I could drink with them at home the odd time. Think their idea here was they could teach me how to drink at a safe pace in a safe environment.

Tbh, I'm now 21 and can drink a good bit when I'm out. I put this down to being able to handle it because I know my limits and what not to do when drinking.

I know one lad whose mother was extremely over protective of him. No drink, sugar, even banned certain kids TV programmes in the house. First week of college, he went off the rails completely. Not able to handle himself, he saw us drinking 4 or 5 cans before heading out. He'd try keep up by necking the cans. I can remember 4 nights in the first two weeks he got sick in pre drinks and didn't make it out. He just didn't know any better. Now he smokes a good bit of weed, think he's just gone wild on the freedom.

I'd be sitting down with your husband and telling him to ease up on your daughter to avoid something similar happening when she does eventually leave for college.