Feel like I'm leading her on

LegacyUser

I'm planning on going traveling early next year and I started going to language exchanges to help me improve my target language of where I am going. I ended up meeting a girl at this who only arrived here 1 month ago and last weekend despite two other guys trying to get with her that night we ended up kissing.

She is a really nice girl but the problem is that I am not massively into her. When I've gotten with other girls in the past I was delighted with myself but when kissed I didn't really feel anything and didn't get that high I normally get after kissing someone for the 1st time.

We met at the exchange again during the week and I walked her home which resulted in us kissing again. So I said to her then because I want to leave soon I wasn't looking for anything serious and that I like to keep my private life private (so don't want public displays of affection or my friends knowing) and while she said she was fine with that but I still feel really bad. I started thinking maybe she didn't understand fully what I meant because of the language barrier despite her having a good level of English. I am just looking to have fun with someone in the bedroom and for that I feel horrible as I feel like I am leading her on.

I feel she likes me way more than I like her and I feel bad for not having the same feelings. It's not like I'm Casanova or anything as it was nearly a year ago I last kissed a girl.

What should I do?

BetsyEllen

Tell her you just want to be friends.
Stop kissing her.
Stop walking her home.

Yes you have lead her on by kissing her a second time, why did you do that when you felt nothing the first time?
If she has a basic level of English then she will understand when you say 'I only see you as a friend'.
If she doesn't then it's because you haven't been clear enough.

redfox123

BetsyEllen wrote: »

Tell her you just want to be friends.
Yes you have lead her on by kissing her a second time, why did you do that when you felt nothing the first time?

Because 'I just want to have fun with someone in the bedroom', yea not nice but the OP spelled out why. She likes you and is not just looking for what you're looking for so no kissing, no casual arrangement, because that would be leading her on. Tell her you want to be just friends. There is no room for misinterpretion there. Don't try to have a FWB with her, it will be very messy due to her liking you and the language and her only being here a month and you leaving.

Ursus Horribilis

There's also the possibility that she comes from a culture where friends with benefits and casual arrangements aren't a thing. Going by what you've told us, yes you are leading her on. You are looking for a justification for getting the ride though, aren't you?

Augme

You could just treat her like she's a grown woman who is capable of making grown-up decisions on her own. You have been honest and up front with her and she has accepted and is happy to proceed. So why stop? If you think she might have misunderstood you then explain it more clearly next time you meet and see what she thinks.

leggo

You've let her know the situation, she's agreed. What's the problem? If she starts seeming clingy or acting like she wants something more substantial, let her down gently then. You're over-thinking OP, if you've been honest and she's decided to proceed, you've done nothing wrong.

_Whimsical_

I think it's reasonable to go with your instinct. Your feeling is that there is a misunderstanding here, that she likes you a lot, that she doesn't realise you don't feel the same. I wouldn't be happy with myself if I pursued a casual thing if I felt that was the situation. You sound like a pretty decent guy who isn't into messing anyone around or who won't enjoy the time with her if you feel she's looking for more. You either explain to her exactly how you feel to your satisfaction and let her decide what she wants or you walk away and find someone else where you've no discomfort or sense that you're leading someone on.

Aspadeaspade

She doesn't sound like the person you should use to just fool around OP. She sounds like she's after more and like many of us when we're smitten with someone, the last thing we'll lose is that hope they'll come around. If you're not interested in her then stop kissing her because it's just a ****ty thing to do under the circumstances. If you're only after a good time, move on, as there are plenty who'll give it to you NSA.

LongTimeAway

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

She doesn't sound like the person you should use to just fool around OP. She sounds like she's after more and like many of us when we're smitten with someone, the last thing we'll lose is that hope they'll come around. If you're not interested in her then stop kissing her because it's just a ****ty thing to do under the circumstances. If you're only after a good time, move on, as there are plenty who'll give it to you NSA.

I agree with this advice.  When I was younger, I kind of believed that boys you met through sort of "safe" sources, and I would include language classes in that, were not the sort of boys to be into ONS or FWB scenarios.  I was pretty good at avoiding the not so nice boys hanging around in clubs after only one thing, and I think you need to be more abrupt with her because a lot of girls would assume that someone they'd met through language classes and who they'd kissed twice just wasn't sure at that moment if they wanted a girlfriend.  And would come round the more time they spent with them.

Is there anything wrong with telling her what you've said on here?  That you're only looking for someone to have fun in the bedroom with?  i.e. spell out what sort of man you are more exactly, as a lot of girls tend to assume boys spending time with them are looking for a girlfriend.