Moving to Edinburgh on my own - should I go for it?

Lollipop95

In June, I will be finished a 3 year college course and I am strongly considering moving to Edinburgh to begin my career and have already been looking at possible job opportunities. It will be a hugely scary and exciting transition but I also think it will be the making of me and my gut instinct is telling me to go. I'll also never get an opportunity like this again.

The problem is a lot of people are questioning as to why I would move over on my own as I won't know a soul over there. My parents are very reluctant about the idea. Consistently telling me that they would miss me and that why would I go on my own.I have done my research and I really feel working in Edinburgh (initial plan is a year) would do me the world of good.

My parents are in their early to late 60's and are both set in their ways. Neither of them have ever left my hometown (apart from my mam when she was a teenager) and said they won't be travelling over to see me for the 6 months. My Dad has a fear of flying and hen I asked my mum she simply said "I'm not a traveller. I haven't got on a plane for years.'

I just feel quite disheartened that neither of them could be bothered to get over a fear of flying for their daughter - they tell me they'll miss me, yet make it clear that they will have no intention of flying over to visit me during those 6 months. My older sister thinks their reasons are selfish and to not let them change my mind. She also thinks the experience would be brilliant for me. They also keep saying they'd be worrying about me over there.

I suppose my question should I go for it? Am I crazy for going on my own?!

Also, if anyone's ever been to Edinburgh or even had the experience of making the leap abroad, general advice would be really appreciated, regarding homesickness, etc..I onow I WILL get homesick but I also know I'll be hopefully meeting so many new people that I won't have time to be too lonely. Many thanks for any advice 

RhubarbCrumble

Listen to your sister. Absolutely go for it. Don't let your parents hold you back. They seem very set in their ways and dare I say somewhat selfish, but at the end of the day it's YOUR life and you have to do what's good for you and not for anybody else. It's a very short flight (less than an hour) so I'm sure you'd be able to come home for a weekend if you wanted to.
I haven't lived there, but I've visited a few times and it's a lovely city, and I found the people there very friendly. It can get very cold in winter though so bring a big coat, lol.

Seriously though, I really think you should go for it. You say your gut is telling you too. Listen to your gut.

LegacyUser

Scotland from Ireland is barely abroad. Moving from Donegal to Waterford would be as big a leap. Just go for it, if it doesn't work, you could be back home with a minimum of fuss. I've done it, not that difficult at all.

If your parents don't visit, well, what of it? It's a fairly short term move and you want to be more independent, here's you opportunity. They'll resist, ignore it beyond smiling and saying "Ah well, shame you won't get to see such a lovely city!". They'll live and so will you.

Enjoy Edinburgh, great city. Make sure you use the time to travel around Scotland, it's a cracking place.

Tenigate

Go for it!
You can visit home during that time though I'd recommend stay put for the first couple of months at least. (don't be tempted to make daily phonecalls to people back home)
If your parents wanted to visit Edinburgh they could always take the Ferry.

Lead

Go for it! My niece is 23 and moved there on her own this year and loves it. Plus it's only an hour for a flight so you're just down the road

SuperSean11

Yep, people will try and talk you out of it cos they never had the balls you can always come back. Nothing here will have changed.
Enjoy yourself

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laros

As above ..... Do it... Listen to your sister .... Your parents have a fear of letting you go but they will come around. I'm probably closer in age to your parents than you , but you really need to do this .... If you didn't go and stayed in your home town , you could have these regrets and what if's for a long time

Sephiroth_dude

Its your life, you gotta do what you gotta do, absolutely go.

Ursus Horribilis

It will do everybody - including your parents - good if you move to Edinburgh. They might not realise they're doing it but they are trying to control you and turn you into a version of themselves. They will get used to you not being around so often. I could be projecting a bit here but I also think the move will establish a healthy boundary between you and them. Your parents sound like they're old before their time and have the potential to become very demanding as time goes on. It's the sort of thing that has the potential to suck you right in and deprive you of your own life. I wonder do they have an idea in their mind that as a younger daughter, you'll become their nurse/minder? I bet they'd have equal reservations if you moved to the other end of the country.

Definitely take the job and give it your best shot. If not knowing people in a new area was a reason not to move, nobody would ever go to university or move house or change jobs. It's simply another attempt to manipulate you into staying. As the others have rightly pointed out, Edinburgh's only a short flight from Ireland and if you keep your eye on RyanAir flights, you can get some great deals. It's a beautiful city and not the sort of place you're going to suffer a culture shock in.

The one thing I'll say to you is not to take it personally if neither of your parents travel to visit. Their way of thinking goes way beyond being set in their ways. I honestly can't think of anybody their age (or older!) who lives their life in the way you've described. They are what they are and they're not going to change for anybody. It doesn't mean they don't care about you or that you're not important enough. They're so long in that comfort zone of theirs, a trip to Edinburgh might as well be a bus trip to Baghdad. Instead, look into alternative ways of keeping in contact with them. Have a look at landline/mobile phone plans and see if there's anything that'll reduce the cost of ringing you in the UK. If they're able to use a smartphone or computer there's Skype, Viber etc. But somehow I get the feeling they're strictly old-school Nokia users.

Anyway, the TL;DR version of this is - Go. Don't let them hold you back or you'll be left with regrets. And if Edinburgh doesn't suit you, you can always come home.

zoobizoo

Don't let their limitations limit you.

The Young Wan

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It definitely feels familiar.

Guessed wrote: »

Scotland from Ireland is barely abroad. Moving from Donegal to Waterford would be as big a leap.

And with only half the accent change.

My advice, as someone who has gone, is to just go. In ten years time, would you rather regrets having gone and hated it, or having never gone at all?

There are always ways to keep in touch. Facebook. Skype. WhatsApp. Bloody hell, send a carrier pigeon if you must.

Going will also hugely improve your relationship with your parents. My mother and I used to fight like beaches while I was at home. Now, whenever I'm back, we get on like a house on fire. Same with my brother.

Go. Don't let any of the worries you still have hold you back. Just go.

lawred2

Go for it. Great city.

kylith

Absolutely 100% go for it.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm another person who's wondering did you ask about this before? It sounded familiar, even as I typed my reply. The thing is, asking this question is the easy bit. As you can see, the replies are unanimous. You should go. It's a terrific opportunity and it'd be a shame to turn it down.

The hard bit is the part that nobody on boards can help you with. You and you alone are going to have to tell your parents you are going. You're the one who's going to have to listen to the pleading and the worst case scenarios. It's up to you to decide whether you want to make the big leap or not.

zoobizoo

Lollipop95 wrote: »

. My parents are very reluctant about the idea. Consistently telling me that they would miss me and that why would I go on my own.

My parents........ said they won't be travelling over to see me for the 6 months. My Dad has a fear of flying and hen I asked my mum she simply said "I'm not a traveller. I haven't got on a plane for years.'

Before I traveled the world, my mother asked me why I would want to do so

Before I started my own business, she asked me why I'd want to do so.

They were risks I took that she'd never have taken.

I learned a lot from those experiences that improved me no end in terms of personal growth, independent thinking etc....


As for them not visiting you, well is that not a plus. It's only six months. It gives you the separation you need to break free from their limited thinking.

You won't change them and their ways so don't try to.

LynnGrace

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm another person who's wondering did you ask about this before? It sounded familiar, even as I typed my reply. The thing is, asking this question is the easy bit. As you can see, the replies are unanimous. You should go. It's a terrific opportunity and it'd be a shame to turn it down.

The hard bit is the part that nobody on boards can help you with. You and you alone are going to have to tell your parents you are going. You're the one who's going to have to listen to the pleading and the worst case scenarios. It's up to you to decide whether you want to make the big leap or not.

+1.

I'm wondering if the fact that you posted previously, and got similar replies, means that you are seeking some further reassurance / having doubts about the decision.

Only you can decide.

(I will say, as I am sure I did last time, go for it)!

Ursus Horribilis

OP, when you previously posted on boards for advice about this you were looking at going to Edinburgh for a college placement this year. What happened? Why did you not go? Did your parents stop you? If they did, how do you feel about that now?

Lollipop95

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

OP, when you previously posted on boards for advice about this you were looking at going to Edinburgh for a college placement this year. What happened? Why did you not go? Did your parents stop you? If they did, how do you feel about that now?

It was actually partly my college that stopped me in the end, funnily enough! The college itself is great but the placement co-ordinate was pretty determined to keep people in Ireland. I sourced a great placement in Edinburgh but my co-ordinator kept insisting that because Edinburgh was so expensive it would be difficult to survive on the minimum wage - the placement I had sourced were also willing to work with me so I could get a part time job alongside to support me.

I guess if I stood my ground I would have been able to go but I decided to just forget about it until next year, when I won't have such obstacles. I suppose I am seeking assurance as literally every person I tell that I'm going to Edinburgh on my own looks at me like I've two heads and can't believe I'd head over on my own!

Rubberchikken

The people youre telling mustnt realise hundreds of people leave the country to work and live abroad. And they survive. Some even manage to enjoy it.
If your parents wobt fly, they could drive over.

Only you can decide tbh. Weight up your options. And then decide.

Contessa Raven

Definitely go! I've not been to Edinburgh but I did my final year of university in London and it was great! It was a bit different as my fiancé was with me but it was still scary. Neither of us had lived out of home and we knew nobody going over but we made some amazing friends that still come and visit (and us to them) almost 8 years later.

Your parents not visiting isn't great but it's not the end of the world. Try not to take it too personally. They say they won't visit now but maybe that's a tactic to try change your mind? Maybe when you go they will miss you so much that a trip over won't be so scary?

My mother didn't visit me when I lived in the UK. I was there a whole year. Not once did she make the short flight. Our relationship isn't great though and it did bother me but only from the perspective of "she's my mother and should want to visit" but actually having her there would have been stressful.

The first couple of months you are there you will be so busy settling in and meeting new people that you may not feel as homesick as you think. I would say go to Scotland, live your life and enjoy yourself. Your parents are worried because they love you and they probably think they are helping.

You need to make your decisions based on what's best for you. Consider your parents by all means but you only get to live once. Make it the life you want!

Ursus Horribilis

I can understand why you'd feel a bit apprehensive about a move to Edinburgh. I think most of us would have some feelings of anxiety over it. It's a big step out of your comfort zone and into the unknown. That's not to say you shouldn't do it. I think it would do you - and your parents - a world of good. It'll make you finally break properly from home, it'll establish a better boundary between you and your parents and it'll really grow you as an independent person. If you're prepared to make the effort to settle over there, you'll love it.

If travelling abroad by oneself was not a thing, there wouldn't be an ERASMUS student in sight. Nobody would ever travel by themselves. Nobody would ever move anywhere. These people you're talking to are simply projecting their own world view onto you. What exactly do they think is going to happen to you over in Scotland? If given the choice, I'd sooner walk around Edinburgh than Dublin these days

dd972

As previous posters have put it, you'll be pretty much leaving Ireland in name only and moving about an hour away to a place which to all intents and purposes is another Ireland, if you've got serious prospects there it'd be daft to miss out on them. Very nice place and people.

Sunny Dayz

I remember you posting about moving to Edinburgh before. I've been a couple of times for weekends away and it's really a beautiful and friendly city. I'd go back tomorrow again if I could.
It's not much of a cultural shock or change from Ireland, if anything Scotland is very similar in Ireland in terms of personalities. I take it you haven't lived in a city in Ireland before, have you lived at home or near home all your life? Moving to Edinburgh isn't much different than moving to Dublin or Galway. A few people I know moved to the UK/Scotland for studies or work. A cheap and cheerful Ryanair flight and a day or two annual leave either side of the weekend gets you home every so often.

Witchie

My sister moved to Edinburgh to go to Uni 8 years ago and loved it. She only left this year to go travel in Asia and then she got a job at Cambridge University so lives there now. She was the timidest shy little fairy when she moved there at 18 years old, my parents were petrified for her. She pulled on her big girl panties, got on with it, made amazing friends, met her fiance and got her degree and masters and could rule the world now if given the opportunity!

As a family we made many trips over to her and my younger brother (but older than her) loved it so much that he ended up moving there last year and even though he had my sister for a few months, he settled in straight away, has met and moved in with his girlfriend and has a dog now. Edinburgh has changed his life too.

It is a fantastic city, with friendly people who will chat away to you and make you feel welcome. You will have a ball. Maybe, go on a weekend break there first to check it out and see if it is really what you want, but as others have said, it will do you the world of good.

power pants

I'm sure I have read the exact same thread with the same responses too

Think everyone was agreement in the last thread that you should go if you want to

Edinburgh is just a city, no different from many others in the UK and Ireland.

Aglomerado

Go for it OP. I chucked in a well-paying job (for the time) and sent myself off to Scotland to do a Master's degree in a field I loved.

I had never been to Scotland before nor did I know anyone out there.

I had the time of my life. :)

My parents wouldn't be great at travelling either but the first time my Dad was on a plane was going over for my graduation!

Lollipop95

Hey guys, said I'd post here instead of starting up a new thread.

So, I've decided to just do it and see how everything goes. My only question is - when would be the best time to move? I'm job hunting in Edinburgh at the moment (via online) and have it in my head that I'd love to go over in June. However I am now wondering if I am giving myself enough time to plan such a big move?

A few people have suggested that I work in my home city for the summer. Considering I don't have a job at the moment, my source of income would only begin as soon as I get my first pay check from the job. (Bearing in mind I haven't obtained anything yet.)

Several people have also said to me that the cost of living in Edinburgh is quite high and I currently have about £1.5k in my bank account. The bank I'm with (AIB) has a branch in Edinburgh, which eliminates some hassle, I guess.

However, considering the cost of living and just preparation in general, would it be a wise move to save up money during the summer and then make the move in September? Also, are there any other factors I may have to consider when moving over here? Many thanks in advance!

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carrollsno1

Go for it, im at the other end of the world flew over with a lad i didnt know rarely had much to do with him since i just fell in with a good bunch of lads and despite moving nearly 2 hours away since then i went into a pub one day here and there were 5 or 6 lads that knew me from previous encounters on and off the pitch.
You only get out of it what you put in to it, i had no interest in GAA before i left but its a great way of meeting people so join a club there even if youve no interest in playing. As it stands i wont be home after my first 12 months here and will my friends come out to visit me? No. But hey thats their loss theyll be thinking in 20 years time jaysus if only i flew the nest when i could.
Just go i left a better paying job, a woman and a better social life behind, do i regret it? parts of it yes but most of it no.


Ive been asked several times why im leaving i just ask why are you staying.
Also the pity directed towards you, the poor thing having to leave home! I just think to myself pity about ye trapped at home.

ems_12

Hi Lollipop,  
Just a tip re: what time of year to move.  Finding a place to rent in August (during the Fringe festival) will be difficult; a lot of places will keep their rental property free in August for tourists and charge more.  In saying that, if you manage to find a place, August is a fantastic time to be in the city and you could even get some friends to visit during the Fringe which would help you settle in.
You don't have to cut Irish ties when you move over; there's a gaelic football team, a Meetup group for Irish in Edinburgh, a boards forum for those living in Scotland (Regional - Abroad - Scotland), and you'll meet more Irish than you think.  But don't stick to those, as you'll miss out on all the rest the city has to offer.  It's a fantastic city, always something to do no matter your interests (art, sports, drinking, whatever!).  It's transient (lots of people moving to it all the time) so everyone is looking for new friends, new interests, etc - very easy to meet people.