Should i break up or not

mlip

Hi
My birthday was about a month ago but my BF didn’t give me a gift he was so ashamed and told me he is so sorry he doesn’t have time to take me out for launch and buy a gift but he has the plan to do .he tells me this every week. I know he is too busy but im sure if he wanted to buy sth he could... and also the night before my birthday he didnt remember my bithday was the following day ...but he behaves so kindly and tells me that he loves me but he wont do any thing for me ...should i breakup with him or not? Is it the right thing to do?
P.s. : i didnt give him a birthday gift either because we were in a breakup those days.
But for valentines day i gave him a gift but he didnt give me any thing.

mojesius

How does he treat you day to day? Does he make you feel loved and happy? Do you have good times together, and have special things you like to do as a couple?

This is what really matters in a relationship Some people don't put a lot of stock into big occasions and many more don't buy into valentines day at all. I've often missed the ohs birthday because I couldn't afford to get anything at the time and vice versa but because we do nice things for each other, together throughout the year it's not a deal breaker.

Big Bag of Chips

Birthday presents or Valentines presents aren't something I am too bothered about. But you obviously are. I'm curious if he has no time to do anything with you, when do you see him? Surely some night you see each other you could go out for a meal?

If he is nice to you and you have a good time together, and other than gifts at token days he is good to you otherwise, then I think it would be silly to break up with him. But you will either have to accept that he's not the gift giving type, or you will have to very pointedly tell him that you want him to buy you something, maybe even tell him exactly what you want him to get! It takes the romance out of it, but at least he will learn over time that it is important to you. Now, if he decides that he can't be bothered then of course that's his right. As is your right to decide he's not the one for you.

But, on a side note, you don't seem happy overall with the relationship and you've already gone through a "breakup phase" so maybe it's time to consider is this relationship really worth the trouble?

lazybones32

Gifts: the true measure of a relationship.

If he doesn't go all out for you with Xmas pressies, dump him. You deserve so much better. Him being busy or having to be reminded means nothing...you deserve to be given gifts.

woodchuck

Gifts or lack there of shouldn't be a reason to break up! However you've made it clear you were disappointed and he has promised to make it up to you. The fact that he's not keeping his promise is worrying.

Aside from this, is it a good relationship? Or is generally the type of person who breaks promises?

silverharp

lazybones32 wrote: »

Gifts: the true measure of a relationship.

If he doesn't go all out for you with Xmas pressies, dump him. You deserve so much better. Him being busy or having to be reminded means nothing...you deserve to be given gifts.

is this a parody comment? I cant tell


We never did birthday presents but we did go out for a meal for each other's Birthday and we didn't play head games over who remembered what. Buying presents can be a head wreck for some people or they may have grown up in an environment where it wasn't a thing. when the next birthday or whatever comes up simply suggest going out for a meal. It will save a lot of stress.

mlip

He makes me feel happy and love by saying the words a girl wants to hear and giving me promises that he will do good things for me in the future(which actuly never do them ) besides there are somethings that botheres me like this one .and i think it is not only about the gift that makes me sad he didn’t even remember my birthday which is much more annoying.We come back home from university together late at night we eat sth in the car but not like a romantic date and on the weekends he says i am at hospital i have work we cant go out .The problem is that i am never his priority. We broke up 2 times before but we see each other at the university every day and we miss and get back together again .

woodchuck

How long are you two going out? What "good things" does he promise to do? Provided they're not unreasonable requests from your end, I'd see it as a major red flag that he keeps breaking promises.

mlip

woodchuck wrote: »

How long are you two going out? What "good things" does he promise to do? Provided they're not unreasonable requests from your end, I'd see it as a major red flag that he keeps breaking promises.

More than a year ... he told me i help him to translate a book instead he helps me to write a research article i translated for him but he still didn’t done anything it seems he is ditching me.

Big Bag of Chips

Why did you break up 1 times before? And were those problems fixed/resolved before you got back together again? I have a feeling you are soon to be broken up for a 3rd time, and maybe even get back together again. He likes the idea of having you as a girlfriend, but doesn't do much to make you feel like his girlfriend. I suggest this relationship is never going to last longterm. So I think you should break up and remember all these things that he never does for you next time you "miss him", and try to work out what it is you actually miss.

He misses the sex obviously. But does he miss you? And if so, why does he not make even a small effort to show you that you mean something to him?

mlip

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Why did you break up 1 times before? And were those problems fixed/resolved before you got back together again? I have a feeling you are soon to be broken up for a 3rd time, and maybe even get back together again. He likes the idea of having you as a girlfriend, but doesn't do much to make you feel like his girlfriend. I suggest this relationship is never going to last longterm. So I think you should break up and remember all these things that he never does for you next time you "miss him", and try to work out what it is you actually miss.

He misses the sex obviously. But does he miss you? And if so, why does he not make even a small effort to show you that you mean something to him?

First time was my fault second time was his but they were all solved ...exatly! He wants me to be his girlfriend but as soon as he has me he does nothing for me ... actually we didn’t have sex .in my country we dont have sex before marriage ... last time eventhough i missed him i didn’t want to go back together he told me ((let’s back together i missed you it is hard to see you every day pretending not to love you))

Big Bag of Chips

If you didn't want to get back together then why did you? You have a right to not want to be his girlfriend. You have a right to not worry about whether or not he misses you. He'll get over it. What do you do together as a couple? Rather than see each other at university? You don't seem to go out together. He doesn't seem to have any time to soend with you. If he missed you he'd want to do something with you.

ous aid first time you broke up was your fault, second time was his. Do you know in mature relationships the solution to problems isn't usually to break up? If someone is at fault then as a souple you are supposed to discuss it and work through it. Breaking up (multiple times) isn't a good sign for any relationship.

Why are you with him now?

rainbowtrout

mlip wrote: »

The problem is that i am never his priority.

I think that is your problem there. It's not about lack of time or money on his part, you are not a priority in his life. Sounds like he just uses you for doing college work to be honest.