Relationship woes

Iamsomeomeelse

Just looking for people's thoughts and opinions on my dilemma. My partner of many years has recently been more fond of using her sex toys than having a sexual relationship with me. She doesn't know that I know, have heard her upstairs and also one day when I went back up the room to get something a vibrator was very slightly still going but enough that I could hear it.

Also and this has kinda thrown me I found a load of new sexy underwear hidden in one of her drawers. Some of it is unworn but some has been and it reeks of her juices.

Her demeanor towards me recently has been a little off, often looking to try and initiate silly arguments over nothing and being dismissive of me.

Am I wrong to suspect something?

charlietheminxx

I think you should talk to her. Maybe she just finds it empowering to dress up and use her toys? I wouldn’t jump straight to assuming the worst.

If you feel she’s lost interest in your sexual relationship, you need to have an open and honest discussion with her about it. It’s the only way to find out what’s going on.

Mongfinder General

I'd be suspicious too. I'd keep an eye on on any other changes on behaviour. If she has a car, put a piece of tape across the bottom of the passenger seat door. If it breaks on a regular basis then it's likely that she's zipping about the place with somebody else in it. Also if you have a joint bank account, keep an eye on that too. It's a great monitor for times and places.

Dev84

Maybe next time when you hear her at it offer her a hand.

Thats an elightened woman.

Embrace it.

Dev84

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I'd be suspicious too. I'd keep an eye on on any other changes on behaviour. If she has a car, put a piece of tape across the bottom of the passenger seat door. If it breaks on a regular basis then it's likely that she's zipping about the place with somebody else in it. Also if you have a joint bank account, keep an eye on that too. It's a great monitor for times and places.

WTF.

strandroad

Do you mean that she's refusing or avoiding sex with you? Or is she using her toys as an extra?

wirelessdude01

Would this really mean different things to the OP?

SimpleDimples

Leaving aside the hygiene issue with unwashed underwear....it doesn't seem like a great relationship if you cannot actually mention the sex toys or the sexy underwear to her.

Why haven't you mentioned it? Fear of getting a response you don't want.

It appears that she isn't satisfied with her current sex life but it's one hell of a leap to assume she's cheating.

To me, it seems like she's giving you enough hints that you need to address the issue. It's sad that she's not able to discuss it either. You guys need to talk!!!

PS - conversations are more effective than taping car doors! Lol

Iamsomeomeelse

strandroad wrote: »

Do you mean that she's refusing or avoiding sex with you? Or is she using her toys as an extra?

Both refusing and avoiding.

Iamsomeomeelse

SimpleDimples wrote: »

Leaving aside the hygiene issue with unwashed underwear....it doesn't seem like a great relationship if you cannot actually mention the sex toys or the sexy underwear to her.

Why haven't you mentioned it? Fear of getting a response you don't want.

It appears that she isn't satisfied with her current sex life but it's one hell of a leap to assume she's cheating.

To me, it seems like she's giving you enough hints that you need to address the issue. It's sad that she's not able to discuss it either. You guys need to talk!!!

PS - conversations are more effective than taping car doors! Lol

Current sex life is non existent due to her. I love sex.

More information is that she has also recently changed passwords on both her phone and tablet.

Stheno

Iamsomeomeelse wrote: »

Current sex life is non existent due to her. I love sex.

More information is that she has also recently changed passwords on both her phone and tablet.

Did you have access to them?

I'm with my oh nearly ten years and hed have no idea of any of my passwords

lawred2

Reeks of her juices...

Are you seriously sniffing her underwear?

Iamsomeomeelse

Stheno wrote: »

Did you have access to them?

I'm with my oh nearly ten years and hed have no idea of any of my passwords

Yes. Used to be no password on her phone and sometimes used to use her tablet if mine was dead or charging.

leggo

It's a common misconception that women (or men for that matter) turn to toys because of something lacking in the bedroom department. Sexuality is weird and doesn't fit neatly into any narrative. If anyone doesn't believe me, ask yourself what different kinds of porn you've watched over the past few months alone.

An alternative reason you may want to consider before confronting her all guns blazing or trying to geotrack her for signs of cheating is that, sometimes, because sexuality and the things we're into can be so personal and impossible to control...it can simply be embarrassing to discuss new kinks etc if any rear their head. She could just be into something she worries will be perceived is weird and, during a lull in your sex life (which happens every relationship from time to time), is exploring this by herself. You could talk to her and unlock a whole new avenue that could in fact ignite your sex life.

Or alternatively maybe she is cheating. Or maybe she has a little crush on someone else (could even be a celebrity) and you have to ask yourself how you feel about that. Or maybe it's none of the above and she's just not as attracted to you lately and trying to stimulate herself into that coming back. Truth is OP, we can't tell you what this is, she can. But it can be any number of things so the important thing you have to keep it in mind is that, when you do bring it up, you make it a safe, relaxed space where she can feel comfortable being honest with you before you decide what's next.

If you do this and get some answers and still feel confused, I'd say come back on here and follow up. But you're not going to get any definitive answers on here, only she can give them.

strandroad

Iamsomeomeelse wrote: »

Current sex life is non existent due to her. I love sex.

More information is that she has also recently changed passwords on both her phone and tablet.

It does sound like your concern is not unfounded. She won't have sex with you (but she has a drive), she acts cold against you and she secured her devices. She seems off you, perhaps it's cheating or perhaps she intends to leave you to be on her own? Do you feel like you have a relationship?

Iamsomeomeelse

strandroad wrote: »

It does sound like your concern is not unfounded. She won't have sex with you (but she has a drive), she acts cold against you and she secured her devices. She seems off you, perhaps it's cheating or perhaps she intends to leave you to be on her own? Do you feel like you have a relationship?

Thing is I think we have a great overall relationship apart from the lack of sex over the past year. Until the picking at me started recently we never argue.

mackey9387

Bit off topic but does she seem to have more money as of late?? Would it be possible that all the toys and new underwear that she has signed up for one of them live show websites that people pay to subscribe to preform private shows videos etc??

Sephiroth_dude

Another fella Prehaps ?

Iamsomeomeelse

mackey9387 wrote: »

Bit off topic but does she seem to have more money as of late?? Would it be possible that all the toys and new underwear that she has signed up for one of them live show websites that people pay to subscribe to preform private shows videos etc??

No, this definitely isn't happening with this lady. That I can be 100% sure of.

OldMrBrennan83

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