My parents treat me differently to my siblings.

katicorn

I'm the only girl between two boys, when we were small it was always things like my older brother would get bought things and I wouldnt, id get blamed for everything he did, he'd bully me at home, steal and destroy my things, punch and kick me, pull my hair, put me in head locks and knuckle burn my head, steal food from my school lunch box, steal my school books, copies pencils, call me names, scream at me constantly. Instead of helping my parents would join in, call me stupid and other names, compare me to him who they would call a 'genius'. I was also being bullied in school every day and no-one tried to help yet when my brother was being bullied why mother was relentless in trying to stop it.
My early 20's I moved out but was hardly surviving financially, it was the beginning of the financial crash and i never knew if I would eat from one day to the next, all my clothes were atleast 5 years old from penny's, I didn't own a coat and my one pair of shoes were falling apart.
If I ever mentioned how broke I was like when my mother would criticise my old clothes and tell me to buy new ones..she'd scream at me to shut up and stop being so F*ing stupid. While my brother was being supported by my parents as they were helping him pay his rent, buy new computer parts, clothes, food...

I moved back home about a year ago due to rising rents and I wanted to start a course to increase my chances of finding decent employment.. a career hopefully.
So all week im either in college, working part time or at home in my room doing assignments.
Im paying for this course entirely myself, paying my transport, books, lunches everything. I havnt been out in months because I dont have the money, I spend 80 euro a week on trains and buses, about 50 euro on taxis because we live very far out the country side.
I own one coat thats ripped to pieces on the inside. I always make a point of cleaning up after myself, I never leave messes, always clean crumbs off the counter, plates in dishwasher, do all my own washing/ironing.
My younger brother is also in college and living at home. My parents pay his bus everyday, he gets lunch money, they pay for his nights out and cinema with friends, they bought him a laptop, he has a computer, my mother brought him shoe shopping last week and is always buying him clothes, he leaves his dirty plates on the counter beside the dishwasher and does nothing around the house. My parents drop everything to pick him up/give him lifts.

My other brother is also in college although not living at home, my parents give him money for rent, food, stuff for college, when he's home they both give him money for nights out. He has my mams credit card number which he uses to buy whatever he wants and never pays her the money, she complains to me about it but wont change the card number or password. He's always going out, getting tattoos buying stupid novelty things like he bought a real Jon Snow costume and is always buying new clothes.

Today I needed to be in work for 1, I only get paid on Thursdays and had no money, I asked my mother could I borrow money for a taxi until tomorrow, she screamed at me and told me she didnt F*ing have it. So I went and asked my dad, he looked at me like id asked him to buy me a car, he started screaming at me saying 'who the F do you think you are', so he's shouting then my mam joins in and starts screaming at me then my dad starts calling me an 'ungrateful, lazy B*itch' apparently I 'lie around in bed all day??' and starts blaming me for leaving my plates (my brothers plates) in the kitchen.
He's literally making stuff up and throwing things I dont do in my face all for asking for a loan of 15 euro for a taxi.

My mams screaming at me about my "bad attitude" and that I was ungrateful because she gave me a lift home from town the night before..id been up since 6 had a 13 hour day, in college 9 to 5 and id been travelling on a bus and train for 5 hours, had about 2 hours sleep the night before and hadnt eaten all day.. I didnt act 'grateful' enough when she collected me (She was already in town visiting my granny) so apparently thats why they were so annoyed with me for asking for money (I never ever ask for money for anything, this was a last resort) neither would loan me money.. so I had to call in sick to work and spent the day in tears.

I know this isnt really a question but im lost as to why they hate me so much? I have low self esteem and find it really difficult to make friends.. I dont really have any friends. Im so upset today. Every time this happens I feel myself becoming more distant and cold towards them. I dont want to lose my family but I cant carry on being treated so poorly.

never_mind

Would you be entitled to HAP and find a room of your own outside of the house? Would you look at contacting Citizen's Advice and taking it from there?

It's hard for me to really give advice on a situation that seems to incredibly toxic and I am wondering what their perspective is. If I was in your shoes I'd try and get one of them alone and have a calm, cool chat with them about how you are feeling. Their approach to you is so incredibly baffling that I wonder is there more to this...

Have you thought about doing something nice for your parents? Sometimes killing people with kindness can work with situations like this. Don't go too extravagant - even a box of chocolates to show that you are thankful for the (little) support they are giving you.

You are on a great path, OP. Working and going to college is not easy, but you will gain your independence in time and no longer need to rely on relationships that aren't healthy for you.

Xterminator

Hi Op

1st thing to realise is that the their issues are their own. Its not your fault, and innocent things can trigger an outburst, but even if you trigger one, its not your fault.

no stranger on the internet can tell you why. just reading your post, i suspect they have unresolved issues that are causing their reactions.

my advice would not be to focus on them anyway but yourself. but yourself. look after tyour mental health, maybe talk with counsellor in college.
Is there a relative you could move in with? if you add up 80 euros train and 50 for taxi, thats 130 a week = over 500 a month. with same money could you get a room share within walking distance of college and work and save all that aggravation?

.......

This post has been deleted.

freshpopcorn

Hi OP!
My honest advice is for you to seek some professional help. This is your third thread in two months on here and I feel you need help/support and they are a good few issues that you need help with.

lazybones32

That happens sometimes...there's a 'golden child' who does no wrong and the 'black sheep' who can do no right.
Look, i doubt this is personal; i don't think they hate you but they don't show you respect.

So, what to do? Could you offer to rent a room with your gran or get a place in the city/town where you work and study? Time away from them could be good for everyone involved.

Teyla Emmagan

You poor thing OP. Your parents sound horrific. I don't think you'll ever change them unfortunately. Try and move out if at all possible. And don't worry about what you have done wrong, because the answer is nothing. Is there no grant you are entitled to?

Jenneke87

Hey there,
First of all: fair play for going back to college, you sound smart and with a good head on your shoulders. I'm sorry to hear of the way your parents are treating you, it must be so stressful and it's undoubtedly very unfair of them. I would echo the advise of others; use the money that you spend on trains and taxi's to rent a room. Your life can only improve by moving away from these people. Believe it or not but they are not doing your brothers any favors either: they will never learn independence as long as mummy and daddy are paying for everything and finding out the hard way through corporate life that their are not the geniuses your parents claim they are and they will have a very hard time adjusting when they find out they only have one paycheck for the month, your parents are going to run out of money at some point and they will be lost when they do..
Having been on Boards for a while now I've come across quite a few topics similar to your own where one child is praised into the high heavens while the other can do not good (usually a daughter) with no apparent reason why. So you're definitely not the only one in this situation. I hope things will get better for you soon and good luck with college

Neyite

Mod:

rachaelf750 I appreciate you mean well, but offers of pm exchanges with a PI OP is not allowed here therefore I've deleted your post.

LegacyUser

Anon, your family are narcissists, look up pete walkers book & the spartan life coach on youtube, theres also a raised by narcissists reddit forum, good luck & leave them.