When does it get easier?

bobsman

Hi all, I split up with a guy almost a month ago. We were seeing each other two years. Both in our forties. I loved him but always felt it was a one way street. I felt he didn't feel as strongly as I did. However, really thought we were becoming closer and a month ago, he finished . He felt it had run its course and that was it. No further contact.

I am devastated but felt I was getting better but this week, I am struggling big time. I am doing all the "right" things, keeping busy, excercising, etc.but my mind is constantly flooded with thoughts of him

Ursus Horribilis

There's no answer to this. It'll take as long as it takes. There is no set answer to this. The one thing I do know is that a month is a very short space of time in which to get over it. In its own way, a break-up is a grieving process. So you'll have been going through all sorts of stages over the past few weeks. Anger, denial etc. It also takes a while to de-program yourself and get used to not being part of a couple. It makes absolute sense that you'll be thinking about him a lot. He was a big part of your life for two years and you can't just forget that.

If this guy wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were, then it was unfair of him to lead you on for so long. The one thing he is doing right is cutting all contact. It's the only way you'll get over this break-up. It will happen in time. Be kind to yourself and don't set yourself any deadlines for when you'll feel fine again.

bobsman

thanks is ursurus. I was doing okay and this week is hell. Wish I could get to the "hating him" stage !!

banoffe2

Hi Bobsman, the breakup and loss of your dream and grief for what might have been might feel all consuming at the moment, is is early days and it is normal to be feeling all those feelings, like the anger etc. Wise to have no contact. you will get over him, the bad days wont feel as bad and the good days will be better, give it time. Best of luck and keep reaching out X

HelgaWard

Important lesson to listen to your gut feelings, don't stay in a relationship where you are not convinced on the other's feelings.

bobsman wrote: »

I loved him but always felt it was a one way street. I felt he didn't feel as strongly as I did.

Are you really hating him right now, or angry with yourself for going along with it for so long when you felt all along something wasn't right?!

Sorry, I don't mean to be overly harsh here. Be kind to yourself, take it day by day, consider talking to a counselor if you feel like you are really struggling to move on. Invest in yourself and your own self worth.

bobsman

HelgaWard wrote: »

Important lesson to listen to your gut feelings, don't stay in a relationship where you are not convinced on the other's feelings.



Are you really hating him right now, or angry with yourself for going along with it for so long when you felt all along something wasn't right?!

Sorry, I don't mean to be overly harsh here. Be kind to yourself, take it day by day, consider talking to a counselor if you feel like you are really struggling to move on. Invest in yourself and your own self worth.

I'm not hating him yet:(. Wish I did. I don't feel he lead me on. He was not long after a difficult divorce so I always knew where I stood. I miss him so much but it is what it is x

bobsman

Hi hugs, just reaching out again. Still struggling big time. Had a long lovely weekend with my kids and friends but am totally and utterly consumed by him. I know time will heal but I miss him every minute of every day

WIZWEB

OP sometimes loving someone turns to an unhealthy addiction towards them. Especially when the supply (access to them) is cut off. You're currently going through withdrawal symptoms. Concentrate on keeping busy and having fun in other aspects of your life. Healing from this one-way relationship will take time. You need to refocus your mind away from your ex. Anytime he pops into your mind replace this with thoughts of how toxic things were when together. Through his actions and words he's made it clear that he is not interested in you or your needs. Use this free time to work on developing a better relationship with yourself. That is needed to prevent a reoccurrence of being attracted to someone who doesn't give a sh*t about you.

bobsman

Thanks wiz, I went for a half arsed run :rolleyes: and felt a little better. Mondays are ****e for me as we always spent the morning together x

milli milli

Hi OP

Could you use this time to start something that is just for you - a big project to focus on, DIY things around the house (have a look on Pinterest for some crafty, cheap ideas to transform your home), start a new hobby, write a book, take up some fitness classes, prepare for a marathon, start dance classes, etc, etc. Whatever floats your boat.
When you find something to focus on, it takes up quite a bit of time, is something that has nothing to do with the other person and it can be an empowering thing to do for you, increasing confidence, etc.

Sephiroth_dude

bobsman wrote: »

Thanks wiz, I went for a half arsed run :rolleyes: and felt a little better. Mondays are ****e for me as we always spent the morning together x

Mondays are ****e days anyway!

He did you a favor by breaking up with you if it was as you said a one way street, you deserve better than that, in time this feeling will pass, in the mean time keep yourself as busy as possible.

bobsman

Thanks again folks. It just feels that it isn't getting easier :rolleyes:. I know he obviously made peace with his decision a long time ago but the fact that he can forget me so easily and I'm struggling, kills me. It didn't end great either. I feel there was no closure x