Pregnancy mess .. badly need advice!

PDevlin

Hi.. New here, I really need advice so I'll try to make this as short as possible.

A girl I know a long time contacted me, wanting to meet up etc. I did, she had wanted to get with me quite a while which I knew from a mutual friend. We had some fun.. I found out her boyfriend was in fact living with her, and there 3 year old. I asked her what's going on I thought it was ended. She said it was as in they haven't been together as a couple in many months but basically still together, sharing bills etc like friends. Alarm bells for me!! She told me she's leaving him just doesn't know how to do it. She is soft. Fast forward 5 weeks and she told me she thinks she's pregnant, she's sure she is. I suggested a test and I'd be there with her, it came up positive. We had unprotected (drunk) sex twice in that week 5 weeks previous.

Now it's messy... she hadn't told her boyfriend. Hadn't left him. I told her this is way out of hand it's gone to a stage where it's going to be bad. She started to change, pressure of it all how to tell him etc clearly got to her and I seen it so I backed off. Give her time etc. We spoke on and off. We talked two weeks ago and she said she had been bleeding and had lumps also, she believe it was a miscarriage. She rang me up told me, was upset and I said I'm here and let me know what's happening. She said she will talk with me soon. We didn't talk then for over a week, she contacted me to say she missed me and was thinking about me.. but I felt she had more to say but couldn't quite.. she told me she's still sick each day (pregnancy sign) and I asked is your stomach any different and she said it's different and slight bigger.. ok so baby is there. She soon went and said she was sick she will talk soon and didn't hear since that. I've been told my a friend her mum knows she's pregnant so now I assume she without a doubt is.

Now I have no idea what to think or do, if I try to contact her I won't get far she doesn't handle any situation or pressure she will hang up or not reply etc. Like dealing with a child. I'm wondering has she told her boyfriend it's his and there planning to raise the baby should it arrive ok, will I be pushed out.. have i any rights here I mean? I don't care about what happens me and her she can stay if she wants but I can't live knowing I have a child in my town and can't see her/him or anything, I have no kids and always wanted one and she knew this also, she said she wanted to give me one.. strange way to go about it I know! Or maybe he still doesn't know I have little idea as to what's going on but I know she had a hospital appointment yesterday she told me last week .. im told Tuesday appointments are for pregnancies and she would now be 3 months gone so ... any ideas what to do here and if it turns out she's trying to say now it's not mine can I do anything? I have proof in messages etc pregnancy test picture. I'd do a test no problem. I've spoke to close friends and they have said the way she is now and acting and not dealing with it maybe best to do nothing for now leave it and see does she contact me again as she did last time we didn't speak and then talk about it?

Such a mess. I feel bad, it's not how I wanted my first child to happen, just crazy. Need advice please.

Ann84

You have a lot of time to figure out a plan as paternity testing won’t be done until the baby is born. You need to go to a solicitor and see what rights you have to find out the child’s paternity if the mom is being difficult, you will need to prove paternity as a first step and then you can go for guardianship and visitation either through court or mediation.

This is very complicated and messy - your main focus should be on confirming paternity when the baby is born and only a solicitor will be able to advise you on best way to get this done.
If I were you I’d stay away from her (as she doesn’t want to communicate with you) and start seeking legal advice, you have 6 months...

Big Bag of Chips

If she is half planning telling her boyfriend (he's still very much her boyfriend) that the baby is his, then that must mean she is still sleeping with him too. He's hardly going to believe he's about to be a father again if they haven't slept together in months.

They have a child together. She might not be happy in the relationship, but she hasn't finished it with him so as far as he's concerned they are very much a couple. If she has been as sick as she claims, and if her parents know she's pregnant, and she has an appointment booked, then it's likely he knows too.

You don't know for definite you're the father. She obviously slept with you both to use the cover story of needed.

This is a bad situation. There's already another child that needs to be considered. You need to walk away now until the baby is born and then request a DNA test. Don't involve yourself until you know. There is nothing you can do, offer or contribute now until the baby is born. She obviously has her own problems but you don't need to get sucked in.... Yet.