Help with learning to drive

LegacyUser

I am a 30s male who cannot drive. I never learned when I was younger and although I have had a provisional licence for around 7 years I have never fully gotten to grips with driving. I have never taken a test. I can just about work a car but I feel sick with anxiety when driving.

Anyway my circumstances have now changed and my GF is expecting our first baby. We are delighted but I am very anxious about the fact that I can't drive and she is going to need me.

I want to resolve this. I am successful in most areas of life but this is a big thorn in my side.

An obvious step is to book some lessons and book a test. I can do this. But what can I do differently this time to make sure I stick with and really defeat the fear? I can't afford to fail this time.

My GF can come out with me for practice but tbh my nervousness makes her nervous and it's stressful for both of us and I don't want her getting stressed at the moment!

Any advice is welcome, especially from people who have been where I am.

I am motivated but at the same time I am sick with anxiety about it. Thanks.

Rubberchikken

Plenty of lessons and plenty of practice.
If there's someone who can accompany you on the practice other than your gf then all the better for you both.
Good luck with everything.

The Princess Bride

You might get better advice here.
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=909
You can see whether someone comes highly recommended for your area.

For what it's worth, I was 30 learning and very nervous.
I had a great instructor who was positive and encouraging.
I moved elsewhere before I took my test and had a few lessons with the most negative, condescending, critical person ever.

I failed because my confidence had been destroyed.
Reapplied immediately and passed without any more lessons, because I started to believe I could do it.

My best friend started driving in her late 50s and a cousin has recently started after retiring from work in his late 50s.
You're only a young man, you've plenty of time.
Best of luck.

sammyjo90

A great instructor works wonders.
I'd advise paying for a lesson..see what they are like and if you feel comfortable with them buy more, if not try a different one.
It will be slightly more expensive but it could be the difference you need

K.Flyer

This place may be worth a shot if it's not too far from you, plenty of learning options by the look of it..

Leinster Driving Campus

Ursus Horribilis

Some great advice here. If you get a good driving instructor, it'll make all the difference. Don't be afraid to change if the one you go to first doesn't do it for you.

One other piece of advice I'd like to give you is to apply for your test sooner rather than later. The waiting times in some centres have gone to the absolute dogs. I've a friend who sat her test recently, 9 months after she applied for it. You'd have a lot of driving practice under your belt by the time that date comes around.

Kyle More

I only passed my test last November, and I'm 35. I spent years in the same situation, terrified of the prospect of getting behind the wheel. In the end, it was simply a matter of finding the right instructor. I did my twelve EDT lessons with her and a pre-test, passed first time. So it's never too late. If you like I can PM you the details of the instructor who I used (as I'm not sure if Boards permit plugging on the open forums).

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

whiskeyman

Don't bring her out with you.
Book as many lessons as you can and practice as often as you can.
Get ready for stalling and going slow - it's the only way you'll learn.
Find the right instructor and feel comfortable, and confident with them.
Not only will you learn to drive, you will LOVE to drive!
I'd normally say best of luck, but you don't need it.
Just stick with the motivation and practice and you will succeed.
Well done on setting this goal. It will be brilliant for you're new family you are doing this.

justfillmein

are you anxious because of other cars on the road, or is it because you cant wrap your head around the car itself and how to use it?

i (30) only learnt to drive in the last few months too.
i was fine with the idea of actually being on the road, but i was only able to do a lesson once a week because of work.
i had no practice in between because i didn't have anyone that could work around my free time, and i didn't have my own car at the time either.
so each lesson was took me ages to relax and get back into things.

originally i didn't want to watch any video's online before taking any lessons in case it confused me, but half way through the lessons i started watching whatever i felt i couldn't get my head around. so its up to you if you think watching some video's might help you.
but mainly i think my problem was not getting out enough, you need to keep getting out and the car will become second nature to you.

once you feel confortable with the car itself, observing everything around you will get easier.
its all a bit much at the start trying to figure out the car and trying to focus on the other traffic, the road signs and who has right of way. my mind went blank and i couldn't remember a thing:(

Tenigate

See if you can get a friend to go out on a few runs with you rather than your gf who prob brings out the anxiety in you.

Apart from that, take it easy. I hate L drivers, driving at 20kph. They're surely a menace. But that's what the L plates are for, and it's hard to hit someone when you're driving slowly. Unapologetically drive deliberately and slowly until a few things click in your head.. like that if you look ahead as far as you can, you'll be prepared; if you hang back a little, the car in front won't obscure your view.
Trying to be good quickly is what causes people to take risks, because they're afraid of feeling thick. But there literally are lives in the balance. As i said, hard to hit some one if you're driving slowly.

suicide_circus

You're not alone. Plenty of people your age and older in the same boat. You can do it!

justfillmein

i'd just like to add too, about the full test. i was told to book my test straight away because of the waiting list.
i thought it would be good for me to have the full licence because i can drive on my own, in a time that suits me, locally, without waiting around for anyone else to drive with me (under the L plate).

in my case, i actually felt like it put a bit of pressure on me knowing that i had the test coming up and i wasn't getting out enough.

it might be something to consider if you say you are very anxious about driving.
although, i put in for my full test the last week of July and i still havn't got my date yet, so thats how long the waiting list is so far.

i'd say if you were getting out a few times a weeek at least, then maybe you should book it straight away because you will be fine by the time it comes around.

i think it was €85 and you can rebook your test twice if you are not ready, before you loose the payment

...__...

Hi op
I just passed at 36 so there is hope
If you would like I can recommend a great instructor if your in dublin
I see someone else posted one so Ill post mine
Easy pass in Tallaght
Paul was great hes our age and sound no pressure at all.

miamee

OP, Permabear had a good point there about paying attention while in the car now, even as a passenger. Look at the traffic lights, when cars are indicating, what lanes the person driving is in and how to change lanes and all that stuff. The more you know about the rules and etiquette of the road before you get started themore time you have to concentrate on actually operating the car. You will eventually get your head around it, it does require a bit of multi-tasking and concentration but they more you practice, the less stressful it will be and the better you will get. When you start your lessons, make sure you practice in between with your girlfriend or a friend. As someone mentioned, an empty car park is a good idea or an empty industrial estate on a weekend is good too, I found - bit of road, no traffic

amtc

You'll generally only learn how to drive when you have a reason for it. I did lessons in college but wasn't all that committed until I got a job that meant I spent time waiting on street corners for lifts from colleague. I was constantly apologising for taking up space when zi had a parking space in work
Did my driving test Christmas Eve one year. Got taxi to garage. Bought car and asked for directions to n7 and drove to Limerick. My poor mother nearly died when I rang her.

But my friend has no interest in driving. Just doesn't get it. But has no need to. We were away last week and i dropped him home which took all of 7 minutes but would have been two buses. His rationale he smokes and drinks and has enough money for taxis. I have another friend who is 6 foot 10 and simply doesn't fit.

These issues don't arise in your case. However please don't get someone you know to teach you. My friend got her dad and she was so nervous drove into a wall (ironically she ended up marrying the garage owner who repaired it...never would have met him otherwise)

You can practise with friends but make sure you don't pick up their bad habits. For example my mother rides the clutch.
A good instructor will not push you beyond where you're ready. Mine was great, and gave me tips such as to wear my hair up or have a swingy thing hanging in the car so the tester could see movement. I also commented that i hated hills so he stopped the car at the end of chapelizod and walked up to castleknock gate and rang me to pick him up.

Also I can't emphasise how important observation is. It does take a good time before you sense little feet behind cars or instinctively read the road. But also remember you have your place on the road and are as entitled to be there as anyonr

amtc

Oh meant to add my nana learnt to drive at 72. My grandfather died and was a daily mass goer so she had no one to bring her. She was a terrible passenger and very nervous but the need to drive overcame that.

LegacyUser

I just recently passed my test, aged 41.

I took my first batch of lessons at around 25, and did good, but never continued driving and never applied for test.

Over the years it became a major source of embarrassment, having to avoid any situation where I might be asked to drive or see my licence. I just pretended I could and no one never asked.

By last year I had built driving into some kind of crazy monster in my head, where even the thoughts of taking a lesson would make me sweat and become seriously anxious.

The answer was a hypnotherapy session, which lasted 90 minutes. I explained all the history to her for the first 45 minutes and then the actual in the chair was another 45 minutes or so.

It did not cure the anxiety, but it made the fear of driving normal and reasonable.

Began lessons again in Nov-16 and passed my test first time in Jul-17. I still felt nervous before the lessons, as anyone does, but is was a more reasonable nerves.

I would recommend one hypnotherapy session to 'reset' your mind. It is worth the money.

Then I would echo above, take references from those who know and get an instructor who is positive, who wants you to pass and is fun to be with. Pay extra if they are far from where you live, it is worth it. The rest is just driving, parking and blah blah blah.

It hasn't changed my life having a licence, but I do feel a great weight lifted and it has made me feel more positive about all things life throws at you.

Face the demons! They will not go away until you take things under control.

Best of luck!!