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Family Law - biological dad.

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  • 27-11-2017 7:25pm
    #1
    Riverock4
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭


    Not sure where to post this. But my biological father left when I was a few months old. Haven't seen him since. He and my mother had a toxic relationship, and were unmarried. He left, and on leaving he took pictures of me, gifts he had previously given my mother and turf - so my mother couldn't even heat the house for her and her four month old. She never contacted him after that, and never demanded maintenance, out of stubbornness perhaps, and the fear that would allow him to come and go from my life as he wished. She met my stepdad when I was 11 months old, and he has been a fatherly figure ever since. They got married, and had 2 daughters together. When I was 13, he legally adopted me, and met my biological dad who eventually (after many refusals & conditions ) signed me over. My biological father now resides abroad and has not ever contacted me.

    Obviously, I've been very lucky to have had such a great stepdad and I don't consider him as anything but my dad, but I suppose, with being abandoned by my biological dad, came with emotional trauma and self doubt for many years, and the inability to trust people. So, I feel a huge resentment towards him, especially how difficult he made my parents life through the adoption process, and how I never once entered his head. I was only mentioned once in 18 years to his sister, and that was when he was on the way to sign the papers. I feel abandoned, and I don't want to leave it where it is and never challenge him or make him realise how much he broke my heart. I've thought up a million different ways to do it, but I don't think the emotional route will work seeing as he feels nothing for me, so it came into my head the other day, money; that would hurt him.

    Surely, as my biological parent, and legal guardian for 13 years, I am entitled to something by law? I read up on it, and a parent is legally obliged to provide for their child and fund them. Obviously, I know after the age of 13, I was adopted so I wouldn't qualify for anything then, but just wondering if I could legally challenge him? Would I have a case for the first 13 years? Can you backtrack maintenance payments? Or is it just one of those unfortunate deadbeat dad cases where he can get away with screwing me and my mom over?

    Thanks in advance.
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    #2
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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    #3
    ShowMeTheCash
    Registered Users Posts: 2,651 ✭✭✭ShowMeTheCash


    Fred Swanson wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.


    Just to reiterate, do not think there is anything you can do from a legal stand point. Techincally any maint would never of been paid to you but your mother and as you said your mother did not want your biological father involved.

    Maybe you should consider counselling, by the sounds of it you have a good step dad that has been around for the duration. I would not get to cut up about a guy who was never there and I assume you do not know.


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    #4
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    You would have inheritence rights but no- not entitled to maintenance


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    #5
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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    #6
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Fred Swanson wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Generally yes.

    But I was thinking of a Section 117 application which I dont think could be blocked by adoption but I am open to correction


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    #7
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    Mr. Incognito wrote: »
    Generally yes.

    But I was thinking of a Section 117 application which I dont think could be blocked by adoption but I am open to correction

    Once a child is adopted legally they have no automatic right to inherit from their biological parents, only their adoptive parents - not sure if there's leeway when it's a situation like op.

    Op I don't know what you want to gain from this situation. Your biological father left and your mother didn't press for maintenance. There is no comeback at this point. By all means let him know how annoyed you are with him but tbh you would be better served to go to counselling to help you come to terms with the way your biological father walked away from your life. You are only annoying yourself by trying to figure out ways to get back at him. Forget about trying to get money from him, or anything else and work on your own emotional health. If he ever does show up, let him see that you have turned out to be confident and well balanced, not full of resentment and anger.


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    #8
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    Fred Swanson wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    This has now all changed.

    Courts can now go back as far as they like.


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    #9
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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    #10
    MayoSalmon
    Registered Users Posts: 2,240 ✭✭✭MayoSalmon


    Counselling is what the OP needs


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    #11
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    Fred Swanson wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Even if she had a valid maintenance order and comes along looking for the money down the line?


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    #12
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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    #13
    mollygreene
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭mollygreene


    OP, your story is like reading my own.

    7 years ago I met my biological father, he very proudly told me how he would have "a little think" about me, once a year, on my birthday. Great lad althogether.

    For me, the end goal is to meet my brother & sister - who don't know about me, because he won't tell them. Always has a list of excuses as thick as his neck. I've always thought, I could forgive him, the abandonment and how it affected me, if I get to know my family, who are as innocent as I in the situation. Reality is, I would still hate every fibre of that parasite's being.

    You are reaching like I was. Even, say hypothetically you claim for maintence and are granted a million euro, it won't have any real affect on your inner self. You need to deal with the emotional trauma - if you're like me, you will have bottled it up because "sure he's not my dad, I have a dad who has loved me and raised me since I was a toddler. That other man doesn't affect me, he's nothing but a sperm doner" etc etc..

    Truth is, it does hurt - even if you don't want him.
    That is exactly why you should consider counselling, I know this because I know I need to do the same.

    Don't chase him for anything. You didn't need him until now and you'll continue without any of his input.

    Hope things work out for you OP x


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    #14
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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    #15
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    mollygreene wrote: »
    Don't chase him for anything.

    As Fred said,Wise words.

    What i see in the family law court when i'm there is women demanding top dollar from the fella's and don't want them in the life of the child, often complaining when access applications are in.

    On the flip side i know of women who have withdrawn maintenance orders just so the fella's will walk away as they have clearly stated they want nothing to do with the child and will stay away if no maintenance is asked for,otherwise they'll keep going through the court.

    Where do you go really.


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