just need to verbalise my thoughts

LegacyUser

So, I've been single for quite a while after a series of utterly disastrous relationships, and I was reaching a point -40- where I was willing to accept that as my lot in life. I had become a recluse, no interest in going out, or talking to people, especially women, as I had always found that extremley difficult and uncomfortable.

Then, about 2 years ago a series of events transpired which led me to meeting a new group of people who are part of a hobbyist club, I initially attended one of their club meetings in a professional capacity, the specifics of which I wont get into here, suffice to say I found what they were doing fascinating and decided that I needed to be part of it. so I signed iup and began attending weekly. waaayhaaaaay I had friends, they are cool and I can make meaningful contributions to the group, I felt much better about myself and began to regain some of my confidence.

Anyway, the initial point of contact was with HERSELF, So I had her phone number from day one as my only point of contact to the group. from the moment I laid eyes on her I knew I wanted her in my life, Then we began working together on projects, OMG She is amazing, I am verfy analytical and scientfic in my approach to problem solving, she is creative and spontaneous, we seem polar opposites, but compliment each others skillsets perfectly. She gets my humour, She is almost as big a Stoner as myself and we both share a passion for learning new skills, She's teaching me to dance and I'm teaching her how to program.

We started getting closer and closer over time, She would snuggle up to me when, as a group, we watched a film. Nothing strange there She is a very tactile person and people seem to think I am very 'standoffish'. I have seen her hold hands with random strangers 2 minutes into a conversation without even noticing She is doing it.

But then, about 2 months ago we were working on a larger project, it required a lot of Very late nights and a lot of tiring work, I was in no humor to drive home -I live in truly the arse end of nowhere-so I decided to Crash out on the Futon in the project shed for the evening.

She pointed out that there were a few beers in the fridge up there and no one would notice if we smoked a few joints and chilled out, this was grand, we went back chilled out, drank, smoked, listened to music and talked sh1te for hours, it was great, as if we'd known each other since childhood. this went on for a few days, she would fall asleep snuggled up beside me and I would lie there self concious and confused.

then one night she kissed me, at first I resisted, She is after all married fo a bloke I would consider to be fairly sound, but lets be honest here, if you get the chance to ride the woman of your dreams, well as they say 'you only Truly regret the things you Didnt do'
and it was MAGNIFICENT, I have not felt this happy in many years, and the sex is getting better and better as we explore and learn each others bodies, we fck for hours like giddy teenagers.

But now I want more, and I think from conversations She does too, I have nothing to lose in this situation except her, but She has a House and business with her husband, She stands to lose everything if she chooses me, I can see no concievable solution from this which does not bring pain and misery upon her, and thats the problem, I love her, I dont want to hurt her, I give not a Fig about anyone elses feelings in this situation, even my own, I will get over losing her if it comes down to her choice, but not hurting her, that would be too much.

then last week we found a spy camera another club member had arranged to point at the Futon, if He suspects us how many more people do? This freaked her out, me too to be honest, I'm racking my brain trying to come up with a solution that dosent involve either us absconding and starting again together, or cutting all ties to her and crawling into a hole to cry myself to death