Lost at School

Nowhere_Girl

This problem's been going on a while,so apologies for what may be a really long post.

Essentially, the debs is what really catalysed this situation. We paid a deposit for our tickets, and I bought two, in case. The thing is, I'm wondering if this was all a mistake. Not only do I not have any friends I could ask,that are lads, I don't have any friends at all.
It's not so much that I'm being bullied, but I just don't have any friends in the school. I've always struggled desperately with socialising, and I seem at a permanent loss for words in conversation.I also get the strong feeling I'm a huge burden to someone, if I sit next to them at lunch, and they'd secretly rather I weren't there.
Well, I digress a bit, but I'm debating not going to the debs seeing as I don't have any friends, don't think people would really care if I were there or not, and don't want to spend a night being forced to watch other people enjoy themselves, whilst I'm in the corner, but at the same time, I feel I should go, even if only to put myself out there.
Anyway, I guess the short question is "Should I bother going to my debs?", and long question "How do I overcome my social awkwardness/introversion?"

zoobizoo

Hey OP

I didn't go to my debs.

I didn't know any girls and certainly would have been an awful date as I had nothing to say to people I didn't know.

I'm not sure if many of my pals went... At the time I said I'd save the money and put it towards inter railing around europe that summer.

I didn't go that summer but I did the Summer after and seeing different countries and cities was a better investment than sitting with a girl I barely knew with people I didn't know.

Get yourself of The Feeling Good Handbook which is full of good advice and exercises you can do to help you.

Rubberchikken

If you're willing to go, then go. You may regret not going but I don't think you'd regret going even by yourself.
Do you have a cousin/sibling with a friend you could ask?

I have a very close relative who found socialising in school very difficult. When they moved on to college joining societies and generally doing classes thatvreakly interested them brought them out of their shell.

GingerLily

When is your debs?

Nowhere_Girl

GingerLily wrote: »

When is your debs?

It's not til the end of August,so in that sense, I'm fine to just forget about it for a while, it's only that full payments are coming around.It's just that I myself need to make this decision, before I either waste a crap ton of money, or kick myself for making the wrong decision

Nowhere_Girl

Nowhere_Girl wrote: »

It's not til the end of August,so in that sense, I'm fine to just forget about it for a while, it's only that full payments are coming around.It's just that I myself need to make this decision, before I either waste a crap ton of money, or kick myself for making the wrong decision

Who do you eat lunch with at school etc? Although you might not be great friends with people I’m sure there’s others in the same situation who would be delighted and relieved to have someone to meet there.

KaneToad

Didn't go to my Debs. Wasn't overly friendly with anyone in my school and wasn't pushed about spending money to spend time with them. In the years since I left school I haven't kept in touch with any of them.

When I went to college, I found a much more diverse group of people and made some great friends.

Not going to your Debs won't be a lifelong regret!
If you don't fancy it, don't go, don't worry what others might think. Best of luck.

December2012

So do you have another 6 months left in school?

Nowhere_Girl

December2012 wrote: »

So do you have another 6 months left in school?

In and around that yeah, but with the way people are talking you'd swear it was one. I really just want to get the whole thing over with, and head off to college....

happywithlife

I would imagine that the majority in the year are all "oh it's the last time we'll do xyz" some are like that and girls especially like that drama
But I don't think you need to overly stress over debs- I'm pretty sure you could always pick up the tickets at a later date if you really really wanted to go
For now I'd personally let it go and put my energy into study getting the course I want and heading off to college
I switched schools in 5th yr and went into a very big year - didn't know half of them and tbh it never bothered me. Made a few close friends in college and years later am still in touch with them throughout our adult lives

leggo

OP I'm not going to advise you on whether or not you should go to the Debs. All I'll say on that is that not going is a perfectly valid option if you don't feel it'll make you happy, you shouldn't feel like there's anything you have to do. If you'd rather go because you actually want to go and have a debs, and not because you feel like you have to, then go. But there's no pressure on this decision and it all depends on what you want to do. You have every right to enjoy your debs as everyone else does, you wouldn't be a burden to anyone as this night is as much for you as anyone else there, but also debs aren't the be-all/end-all nights they're made out to be if you feel it'd cause you more stress than it's worth.

What I will focus on is: I used to work in schools doing workshops with kids, though, and one thing I'd see in every single school is that there are kids there who secondary just doesn't suit that would absolutely kick arse in the 'real world'. And that makes sense: you're mashed into a situation with a bunch of randoms and expected to thrive just based on where you live and what year you happened to be born. Why would you necessarily have stuff in common with these people? Most teens just alter who they are slightly so it fits in with what's expected of them and what gets them friends, but at no other stage in your life will you be expected to do this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and don't take this period of your life as a personal slight. When you go to college, you'll be matched with people who are academically and personality-wise (based on the fact you all put the same course down to study) more pre-disposed to be like you. Then you'll thrive. You seem smart enough to know this already, so go you for being mature enough to see past this BS.

So just get through the last few months as stress-free as possible. The Leaving Cert is difficult enough without adding this stuff to your list of worries. If you make friends, get a boyfriend or date, go to the debs and have a great year of your life? Success! If you decide to put the head down, focus on your studies and write off these few months in order to set yourself up for a happier life once school is over? You'll probably be very happy you did so. If you think about it that way, it's win-win, it just depends on what you want to do yourself.

LegacyUser

I had trouble fitting into my class at school too. Things weren't so bad by the time I did my leaving cert but still not great. I was lucky to have a best friend and a few acquaintances. That was it though. I went to my debs and didn't have all that great a time. I didn't want to hang around all night with my best friend and tried to socialise with my other classmates. It didn't work too well. After all, I'd never connected with them before that night so why would anything change? With the benefit of hindsight and the wisdom of getting older, I think I shouldn't have gone. It wasn't something that crossed my mind at the time because everyone else in my class was going. If it was now, I'd stay home.

Things got better for me once I went away to college. I made a real effort to talk to people and made some good friends there. As I got older I became less shy and introverted. I'm still far from being Miss Social Butterfly but I'm doing OK. The nice thing about college is that you're given a blank slate. Nobody cares where you went to school or what you wore to your debs or how popular you were. It's a new start.

After I started college I quickly lost touch with just about everybody from my class. I don't miss them one bit to be honest. I don't live in my home town any more and I've got friends I've got more in common with. If you asked me to write out the names of everyone who was in my class at school I'd probably miss loads of names. You haven't experienced it yet but once you leave school you'll quickly leave them all behind.