how to get over a cheating partner

LegacyUser

As the title says, Im late 30's she was 6 years younger. I'm gutted. found out she has being continuously seeing someone for past 6 months. How do I move on from this? My whole life plans of getting married and having a family are gone up in flames. The one woman I truly fell in love with has destroyed me. Sorry im just in shock

LegacyUser

I see two positives in your message that you might not see due to how you're feeling:

(1) She did this before you had the family (aka marriage) that you wanted. You had a lucky escape!

(2) You said she was 6 years younger. Your dream of children isn't gone. You're only in your 30s. Half the population is female, and established men in good condition are attractive to women of child bearing age (despite what the zeitgeist claims).

gutted17 wrote: »

How do I move on from this?

I don't know your exact circumstances, but my general suggestion:

Your attention is valuable and she no longer deserves it - DO NOT give it. DO NOT at any point let your mind entertain the idea of taking her back. Get her out of your life ASAP. When you catch yourself thinking about her or events, realise it's unproductive and bad for you, and divert your thoughts elsewhere. You need to train your mind to move on - it will take time but it'll happen, and when you come out the other side you'll be a stronger person. Focus on getting your body and mind in good condition, maybe take up a new hobby, even something simple like going for walks, or make some changes to your life that you might have been thinking about. Think of this as a new beginning and an opportunity to better yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply.

She moved out yesterday. Hardest part was seeing her daughter go as well. Breaks my heart to see a child uprooted like that. Gonna really miss having that child around, even though she was'nt mine, i always treated and loved her as if she was. Thats the real killer in all this.

Aspadeaspade

Life has a funny way of getting rid of things that are not good for us out of our lives OP, and of putting us on the right track, although we don't see it like that at the time because we're hurting..

You've dodged a bullet by realising what she's really like now, thankfully you didn't have any children with her yet..

In a few months you'll look back on this and realize how you're so much better off without her. Take some time to 'mourn' the relationship but don't waste too much time on it as there are plenty of decent women out there looking for a decent fella who will be faithful like you. Try not to drown your sorrows as it just perpetuates the bad feelings, try to avoid places you went with her. Use this as an opportunity to start over and find someone better.. Keep yourself busy and active OP.. You'll feel better before you know it. Good luck!

Sephiroth_dude

Did she give any reason as too why she did it? how long were ye together for ? Be good too yourself!

Mr. Incognito

TIME

And there is no other substitute.

The only thing is it takes time.

Look after yourself.

All things pass in time.

Sleepy

Fall back on your friends and family - arrange to meet up with and do things with them as much as you can.

Avoid looking at her social media or thinking about her at all.

Hit the gym or take up / get more involved with some form of physical activity - the endorphines from exercise will both put you in a better mood and the health benefits will make you more attractive to other prospective partners who are more deserving of your time and energy.

bobsman

So sorry this has happened to you:mad:. Time. You won't feel this bad forever. Mourn the loss of the relationship but keep busy. Excercies, eat well and rest. Although it's probably the last thing you feel like doing.

Surround yourself with friends and family. You sound like a great guy. Take care, it gets easier. Have been there.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear man - but as someone said above better to happen now than in a few years when you had a family together.

I went through a horrible break up with my ex a few years ago now too - found out she was seeing someone behind my back too. So I can understand the pain. To make matters worse - we were married with kids. So it was very very tough.

It messes you up, I couldn't eat, think, work. Walked around in a daze for a long time.

But it passes - things get better. You'll realise you're better than that - you deserve to be with someone that won't lie to you.

Try and stay positive - get in touch with friends and family. Open up to them and talk. You'd be very surprised once you start speaking about it to friends and family - it helps a lot.

Best of luck.

sandra06

every time you get down think of the worst thing she ever done to you ,,it takes time but you will get there ,,i was with a guy for a long time we broke up i really started over my life then and one night in a disco i fell in love at first sight with my now hubby ,,, just think of all the fun your going to have in the future best of luck

banoffe2

Hi OP like other posters have said it will hurt like hell for a while but the pain will pass, sounds like you are miles to good for her.
You don't know what is around the corner, you deserve the very best. Your feelings are normal, don't be hard on yourself, be good to yourself, and hang out with the lads or friends, try to get out and about. It probably feels like its all consuming now, but that will ease, I was cheated on, so I know how it hurts.

Neyite

Mod:

Bobsman, please don't ask for updates - it's not allowed as per the charter.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies and advice

It's been a rough few days. Today was the first day I could tell anyone, helped alot actually.
Not looking forward to the weekend, she has text the child wants to see me Saturday, two minds what to do about it.

ManOfMystery

It's a tough one indeed. The child is an innocent in all this and it's a shame that her relationship with you would be harmed by reasons outside both of your control. However, it's also very difficult for you to move on from her mother whilst still trying to maintain some type of relationship (even only a basic one) with her. Only you can decide if that's viable, maybe in time.

CorkSinead

I saw some good advice - go zero contact for at least 30 days. Move away photos and reminders. Come off social media. Basically treat her like an addiction you need to break.

It’s not forever, at some point, ideally a few months, you might have distant contact.

But it really, really helps to get clearer. I tried it with my cheating ex (and we have a kid) - he wants me back but I don’t! There’s some good ones out there like me who would never cheat.

CorkSinead

Oh, and same with the kid too. Wait at least a month. Text her once a week if you must,but otherwise she’ll be the entangled excuse for both of you, and that’s not fair on you. Just explain to her, that you will always be around, but that it’s better for a while to have distance but name a date e.g. Christmas Eve when you’ll spend the afternoon with her and give her her Christmas present.