Small Civil/Humanist Ceremony - Large Late Evening Party instead of reception?

M1andM2

Hello,

I have searched a few threads and while I could find certain aspects, I couldn't find all of them together.

We are getting married in the new year. Both of us would shy away from the limelight so would prefer an intimate ceremony followed by a party instead of a reception.

Our aim is to have a small family wedding (Parents, siblings and 3 lifelong friends each). In total it will be around 35. We are planning on having the ceremony in the hotel (2-ish) followed by a dinner for those guests around 3/4-ish.

In the evening we are then planning on having a party with Hors d'oeuvres, cocktails bar and dessert table, loads of food, probably starting around 8-ish followed by a band and DJ, maybe around 180 people total.

I'm wondering has anyone ever done this or anything similar and if so, what type of wording did you use for the invitations? We want to make sure everyone is aware it is a party and no gifts are necessary.

Alternatively, has anyone ever been invited to such an event?

Thanks in advance,
M1andM2.

jlm29

My cousin did something similar a couple of years ago. Great night. I know it was referred to as a wedding party on the invites, but I can’t remember how exactly it was phrased. I don’t think gifts were mentioned at all on the invitations though.

M1andM2

Thanks Jim. That's what we were thinking, wedding party vibe. Good to hear it went down well.
The only reason I mention gifts is we'd like to emphasise we don't need or expect them, especially considering the party aspect and it not being a reception.
A friend of mine mentioned a saying "you're presence is the only present we expect" which i thought was a nice way of putting it. Other than that it is all about pushing the party aspect.
Thanks again.

pullandbang

M1andM2 wrote: »

Alternatively, has anyone ever been invited to such an event?

Thanks in advance,
M1andM2.

We photographed exactly such a wedding a couple of months ago in Bellinter House, Navan. 35 people for the ceremony and the main meal, followed by large evening/night crowd where they had a buffet (pig on a spit). From what we could see everyone had a ball and the all day guests had two dinners :-)

matrim

I think if you are going to do something like that it would be good to have it somewhere that the majority of your guests didn't have to travel to / stay overnight at.

shellycub

Hi,

I'm doing something similar, going to have a buffet meal for party guests. One suggestion given to me was to have the word supper or something similar on the invitation. A friend of mine had a similar idea and included the menu with the invite so guests knew what to expect. I was at a wedding party recently and they had, on their invitation "with all that we have, we feel truly blessed, your presence is all the present we expect"

glut22

Hello

This sounds like something like what we want to have. We are planning from abroad so its abit more challenging. Also thinking of having the legal bit and the party on two different days.

How did it go in the end? Not sure what venue would be suitable to host this as its not a full wedding

qwerty13

The one thing I’d say is make it very clear what you’re doing. I went to an ‘evening ceremony’ but people expected a fair amount of food, to be fair the invite was worded badly.

But it turned out that people went expecting a fair amount of food, not just pickies with drinks. There was so little food ordered that both sets of parents basically commandeered the food. It was embarrassingly bad form. The parents friends expected far more ‘real food’, and the friends of the couple expected far more soakage.

Lambay island

qwerty13 wrote: »

The one thing I’d say is make it very clear what you’re doing. I went to an ‘evening ceremony’ but people expected a fair amount of food, to be fair the invite was worded badly.

But it turned out that people went expecting a fair amount of food, not just pickies with drinks. There was so little food ordered that both sets of parents basically commandeered the food. It was embarrassingly bad form. The parents friends expected far more ‘real food’, and the friends of the couple expected far more soakage.

Did something similar for my own wedding about 5 years ago- Had a small ceremony and then just 20 for dinner followed by a wedding party later in the night. Fairly sure we had that line "Your presence is your present" or some variation on invite. We mentioned in small print champagne reception and platter so people were not expecting the aul beef and salmon. Worked out very well in the end. OP, People who are closest to you will still probably feel the need to bring a present. I think its probably more common than u think.

M1andM2

shellycub wrote: »

Hi,

I'm doing something similar, going to have a buffet meal for party guests. One suggestion given to me was to have the word supper or something similar on the invitation. A friend of mine had a similar idea and included the menu with the invite so guests knew what to expect. I was at a wedding party recently and they had, on their invitation "with all that we have, we feel truly blessed, your presence is all the present we expect"

glut22 wrote: »

Hello

This sounds like something like what we want to have. We are planning from abroad so its abit more challenging. Also thinking of having the legal bit and the party on two different days.

How did it go in the end? Not sure what venue would be suitable to host this as its not a full wedding

Hi,

Our wedding isn't for another few months but we've booked the hotel for the entire thing. The ceremony will be in one of the main meeting rooms and we got drapers organised to drape the room, then the meal in the main restaurant of the hotel followed by the larger party in the ballroom that evening.

We thought about having it spread across 2 days and even 2 venues but just found it didn't really suit us but that's just us and our circumstances. Spreading across 2 days or venues is a great option if you have a specific venue for a ceremony in mind or if going abroad to be wed as guests get a holiday initially and then a party upon returning. Putting the legal bit on a separate day helps with the wording on the invite too as you can lead with "recent marriage"

I like the idea from of sending the menu with the invitation, gives a clear indication of what it is. Another quote I got for the bottom of the invite was "may your good wishes be your only gift to us".

Can I say Glut22 to be nicer to yourself and that it is a full wedding, it's your full wedding!!! Traditions are there to be followed, challenged, and broken in some cases so do what you feel is right for yourselves.

shellycub

Hi,

We are not getting married until next year so can't give an update yet, sorry!

We are having the ceremony in a church and a hotel at home have a smaller function room for us to have meal and then we will be in the ballroom for buffet and party. The hotel have been very nice and helpful and they were who suggested the wording of the party invite.

I'll be honest there have been one or two moments where I have thought are we mad and should we just do the whole traditional shebang. At times it has felt like it's more hassle doing it this way. But when we have sat down and thought about it, gone through numbers and other personal reasons we always come back to this solution. It's the best compromise for us. If it's what you really want go for it. As we keep saying the people who love us and care about us won't mind.

Actually most people we have told have reacted with 'that's great, it's a long/expensive day'.

wexpat girl

We are doing this. Small civil ceremony for mostly family and couple close friends with dinner (40) followed later with a party for another 80 people approx. We don't expect gifts from people coming to the evening party as it is not a full sit down meal/reception. We are having a drinks reception and bbq with music. All in the one venue. We have the invites done but want to add a separate note ( didn't work with the style of invite) to let people know the plan for the evening and in this we plan to say something like what has been suggested above. Most people have to travel and book accommodation so that's enough expense for them.

BTW, delighted to see that there are a number of people doing it this way and great for ideas.