Brother drink driving

368100

My brother has a drinking problem but hasnt admitted it to himself. He cant go out for the night without hardly being able to stand when he comes home.

He's always been in a habit of driving home from pub and earlier in the year i would talk to him the next day and he woukd agree its stupid.

He nearly killed himself in march, drove into a ditch which had steep bank the other side....car overturned and he lay unconscious in it for 2 hours. He finally came round and walked home, next day recovered the wreck with no guards involved.

He copped himself on for a few months, was really shook by it but i couldnt believe it when he started again. This time when i talk to him hes in no way apologetic, doenst see what he's doing wrong and i got told to go F myself the last time i spoke to him about it so i havent spoke to him at all really since.

It would make things easier if barmen would take keys off him as its a local pub and they know if his car is outside or not but theyre not interested in the hassle, have tried that route. Though i dont think anyone should rely on his, he's 10 years older than me and its just totally selfish, causing annoyance to the rest if the family being worried. Id be the closest to him which is why its left to me. He definately wouldnt listen to the rest.

I dont know what else to do bar report him some night. Im reluctant to do it as he drives as part of his job and if he lost that hed spiral further into depression.....though when you balance that with the possibility of him killing someone iys obvious which is the option.

Anyone any suggestions or advice before i go to last resort?

Tenigate

It might be worth offering to drive him to the pub, or arrange with another family member to pick up his car so he'll have it at home the next morning.
If they're not options or he's not agreeable, well you've already tried to discuss it one on one.
Next step is to approach it with other family members or his friends who are on the same page as you. Might be worth telling the pub owner you'd aporeciate if his staff didn't serve alcohol to drivers.
If your brother won't cooperate, consider bringing it up with a guard. Not necessarily a formal complaint, it would be great if they could scare some sense into him.

368100

Tenigate wrote: »

It might be worth offering to drive him to the pub, or arrange with another family member to pick up his car so he'll have it at home the next morning.
If they're not options or he's not agreeable, well you've already tried to discuss it one on one.
Next step is to approach it with other family members or his friends who are on the same page as you. Might be worth telling the pub owner you'd aporeciate if his staff didn't serve alcohol to drivers.
If your brother won't cooperate, consider bringing it up with a guard. Not necessarily a formal complaint, it would be great if they could scare some sense into him.

He used to get us to drive him and collect him but now he stops in pub on way home from work so I don't even catch him beforehand any more. I always later home so he'd be well on by that stage.

Thanks, I hadn't considered an informal chat with a guard. I don't know any so well so would they just scare home without any further action? Id have thought if they caught him over limit they'd be obliged to prosecute

Hitman3000

No Guard will have an informal chat with him. They are not complete idiots. I know he is your brother but it is his interest and that of other innocent parties that you report him. Tell him when you next see him you have no choice.

Tenigate

Hitman3000 wrote: »

No Guard will have an informal chat with him.

You're probably right. But not necessarily.. I don't see why a pragmatic cop wouldnt try to prevent a crime from occurring. Whether they want to investigate further to bring charges would be their own business

MissShihTzu

I would have another word with your brother. Make it very plain if he continues to go down this path and not seek help, then you will have no choice but to report him. Yeah, he might spiral into depression and might lose his job. What's the alternative? He drinks. He drives. He might seriously injure someone or worse kill them. He will spiral into depression and lose his job anyway!

If he drives for a living, he's probably over the limit the next morning too. Did you realise that?

If I were you, I'd be on the phone to the Gards, the minute last orders sounded. Do this each and every time he goes out to drink. Eventually, the Gards will nick him and hopefully, he'll be out off the road for a long time before something serious happens.

I apologise for the rant. But I have absolutely no time for people who drink and drive. I think it's selfish, self-entitled behaviour.

retro:electro

Next time he goes to the pub and drives you need to call the Guards and tell them you suspect someone of drink driving in the area. This is one of those things that boils my blood beyond belief. If I knew this buffoon was driving on the same roads as my family I'd stop at nothing to make sure he was caught. I'm sorry if that's harsh but we should have no tolerance whatsoever for this kind of thing.
Report him before he kills someone.

Hitman3000

Tenigate wrote:

You're probably right. But not necessarily.. I don't see why a pragmatic cop wouldnt try to prevent a crime from occurring. Whether they want to investigate further to bring charges would be their own business

My son is a Guard and they value their careers. Have a word and the clown causes a death and word gets out a certain Guard had an informal word? You think?

Tenigate

Hitman3000 wrote: »

My son is a Guard and they value their careers. Have a word and the clown causes a death and word gets out a certain Guard had an informal word? You think?

My advice is for op to bring matter to gardai attention. I can understand op's bro may not wish to make a written statement -which is what i meant by formal, rather than the guard's response.

I certainly wouldn't expect the gardai to do nothing. I'm not aware of their procedures for preventing or deterring crime.

bp

A girl I was in school lost a friend (he was a teenager) when hit my a drunk driver (who was an adult). He rightly went to jail and has thankfully copped on. He had to leave the village, lost his career and a family had to bury their child. Report him, he is knowingly putting lives at risk, and the pub too if they keep knowingly serving him knowing he plans to drive.

Also he will be over the limit the next day so the guards could easily catch him at the bottom of the road.

I know he is your brother and he may spiral but he needs help

The Bishop Basher

Hitman3000 wrote: »

My son is a Guard and they value their careers. Have a word and the clown causes a death and word gets out a certain Guard had an informal word? You think?

Having a word with someone while no crime is being committed will not end any guards career.

They have “a word” with people all the time for all sorts of issues.

Big Bag of Chips

Your brother is an alcoholic and you and your family are typical enablers. You make life easier for him to allow him to continue drinking (and driving). You worry about what might happen if he is stopped, or if something bad happens in his life because of his own actions. It's a very normal and natural thing to do for someone you love, but it is just prolonging the problem.

You don't have to talk to him anymore, it's not working. Next time you know he is in the pub, ring the guards. Report him. He will either end up killing himself, or worse so poor innocent person/family who happen to be the unlucky ones on the road at the time.

You, and your family are enabling him. He won't stop while you all tip-toe around him. Why would he? He has a drink problem. His only priority is drink. If he loses his job, he might spiral into depression, or he might cop on. You can't know for certain. But what you do know for certain is if he ended up, upside down in a ditch then he could easily hit someone some night and just keep driving totally unaware.

Report him. You don't have to tell anyone it was you.

juneg

I'm surprised nobody has advised you to talk to the GP. Your brother sounds like he could benefit from being on anti depressants. Try to get him to the GP. Tell him he's already self medicating with drink as it is. Sorry you're going through this.

zoobizoo

Can a pub be done for supplying alcohol to someone drunk and they know will drive?

Could you go the Gardai and tell them that your brother drink drives after drinking in that pub, give them the reg etc. Then go to the pub and tell them that the Gardai are aware of him being served alcohol and driving.


Then to your brother:
"I've told the Gardai that you are likely to drive home drunk from X pub after drinking after work so they'll be keeping an eye out for the car. I've told the bar man that too so he knows that they'll be watching for you. So I suggest handing him your keys when you arrive at the pub in future"

Redser87

I agree with those who have said you should report him. Imagine the guilt you would feel if he kills someone else or indeed himself by drunk driving.
Would you contact Alanon? They recognise the difficulties faced by families of alcoholics.

Dravokivich

There's no talking to him op. Just get onto the gardai about the driving.

lafoufoule

Hi,

I have been unsure about posting publicly, but this really resonated. My mum and my two brothers have been banned for drink driving - all at different points. I called the Gardaí several times and I am directly responsible for one of my brothers losing his licence. However, am I, really? He is responsible, as was my other brother, and my mother. They had numerous accidents, all three of them, and never got caught. Yes, your brother is likely in a state of depression. Yes, he needs help. However, as long as he is enabled to continue this lifestyle, he probably won't ever reach the point where he can get it. I did all the driving around after them, etc., ending up a worried mess. It is beyond selfish! My brothers became aggressive with me, too. I want to tell you that I am exceptionally close to them, AND yet I have no regrets. You can love somebody and deeply disapprove of their bad behaviours. I never, ever thought they would get sober, but both have, without even one relapse. One is back driving, with hefty insurance rates, and the other is getting there. They take personal responsibility now. They know that they only had themselves to blame. They are, dare I say it, grateful that they were no longer allowed to continue. Your brother is in pain, I'd imagine, and is self-medicating. You clearly care for him. Don't let him guilt you into not making that call! They are master manipulators; it is part of the illness! He has no right to put other people's lives at risks. Calling the Gardaí was hard, and they didn't catch him straightaway, but they did, eventually. He continued to drink for another few years, but he was off the roads, at least. I could have never lived with any of them harming others, or themselves. Just as I knew that they couldn't have lived with same. Please do the right thing for all concerned!
Ironically, as a child, a drunk driver hit our car. It was quite a serious accident and my mum was badly injured. We were only 5, 4 and 6 months, respectively, at the time. We came out unscathed, but I still remember being trapped in the car, and the emergency services, talking to us. They couldn't move my mum for what seemed like ages, and I remember us being outside, crying. The drunk driver fled the scene, but they caught him, and he was prosecuted for it. My mum took the worst of the impact, but imagine if it had have been us.... We were tiny! Your brother is so utterly wrong to put you in this position. He is unwell. Please make the right decision on his behalf.

weldoninhio

Hitman3000 wrote: »

My son is a Guard and they value their careers. Have a word and the clown causes a death and word gets out a certain Guard had an informal word? You think?

I don’t think they meant have an informal word while he was drunk driving. We aren’t in minority report quite yet. Even if the Garda knows that he might be drunk driving, he can’t arrest him on the basis of his brothers word. It would be prudent and good policing to let the driver know, we are onto you, we’ll be keeping an eye on you and if you drink drive again you’ll be done, lose your licence and your job etc.

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note:
Post deleted for being off topic. Personal Issues is an advice forum, so posters are asked to stick to offering advice.

Thanks.

Victor

I've been to a few road safety conferences. One of the points a Swedish speaker made is that people caught for drink driving are often glad that their relationship, job and life has been saved.

LegacyUser

368100 wrote: »

He nearly killed himself in march, drove into a ditch which had steep bank the other side....car overturned and he lay unconscious in it for 2 hours. He finally came round and walked home, next day recovered the wreck with no guards involved.

He copped himself on for a few months, was really shook by it but i couldnt believe it when he started again.

OP if nearly killing himself didn't make him stop nothing will until he either does kill himself or someone else. As others have said you need to stop enabling him, if he loses his license and that puts his job in danger that is down to his actions. I have a zero tolerance for drink driving, there is never an excuse to do it and the fact you he is regularly doing it is scary. Just read the part I've quoted above again, he overturned his car FFS, what if someone had been walking along the road, or coming in car in the other direction? He's been extremely lucky the only person he's so far caused damaged to is himself but you can't just keep relying on luck. I think it's time you need to speak bluntly with him that he has a problem and he needs to seek help and tell him you will start calling the cops on his drink driving and then you have to follow through on the threat.

redcup342

From personal experience OP going down the "nice route" doesn't work with alcoholics.

It will only get worse and you need to report him for Drink Driving before he kills someone, either himself or someone else.

Only when he realise's he has a problem will he accept to do anything about it, until then the longer you tip toe around the problem the more damage the alcohol will do to his mind.

Vojera

OP, I was only posting in another thread this morning that my dad was killed by drunk drivers. As a result, I have absolutely zero tolerance for this sort of behaviour. I would call the guards on my best friend if they were drink driving without hesitation, that's how strongly I feel about it.

Tell the guards about it. Next time he's in the pub, ring them, tell them what he's been at, that he's in pub X and driving car Y and that he'll most likely be driving home drunk. In the short term it'll make his life difficult, but in the long term you're most likely saving his life or someone else's. Ask for a name when you're speaking to the guards and if they don't show up, follow up on it.